Pressure I need advice

rrdm782004 Posted: Jan 29, 2005 07:51 PM

Pressure I need advice

I love my DH I have been with him since HS after 10 years of dating we finally got married last year. My DH want to start our family now and I disagree we are not financially ready.
I am 26 years old and he is 27 years old. I am currently in graduate school FT and working FT. I am trying to get my career started before having children. Right now we can only afford a studio and I hate it. I want a house and I know living here on LI is impossible.
I don't want to raise our children in a apartment. He doesn't care he just want a child he is being very selfish. Before I got married to him I told him once I am finish with my education we can start planning for our family.
I think he is jealous because all three of brothers have children expect him, however his three brothers are not married and they are struggling financially. I try to explain to him about how expensive day care can be and baby supplies and because we are a middle class family now will not be able to get any help because we make too much money.

Please help

Moehick Posted: Jan 29, 2005 07:53 PM

Re: Pressure I need advice

I say stick to your guns...but give him a definite time when you will satrt TTC.

Don't give in but compromise....if you give in you may end up being resentful.

RedHead Posted: Jan 29, 2005 07:54 PM

Re: Pressure I need advice

well i would try to come up with a compromise. I would say to him that AT LEAST let you finish school first and then you can see how you two feel.....Living in a studio apt may not be a problem but daycare and child care does!

Who is going to take care of this child with you working full time and going to school full time...

rrdm782004 Posted: Jan 29, 2005 07:57 PM

Re: Pressure I need advice

thanks

nov04LIbride Posted: Jan 29, 2005 08:10 PM

Re: Pressure I need advice

I say sit down and figure out how you would realistically afford everything a baby needs, from daycare to diapers and formula, doctor visits...It sounds like maybe he needs a reality check.

cluelessbride Posted: Jan 29, 2005 08:14 PM

Re: Pressure I need advice

Posted by nov04LIbride

I say sit down and figure out how you would realistically afford everything a baby needs, from daycare to diapers and formula, doctor visits...It sounds like maybe he needs a reality check.

totally agree!

Also, I don't think most men fully appreciate what pregnancy means for the mom. YOU will be carrying the baby for nine months and what are you going to do, give up grad school? Give up working full time?

From somone who fropped out of undergrad please take this advice: do not drop out of school if you want a degree. It is so hard to start again.

Sweetie2004 Posted: Jan 29, 2005 08:20 PM

Re: Pressure I need advice

Posted by Moehick

I say stick to your guns...but give him a definite time when you will satrt TTC.

Don't give in but compromise....if you give in you may end up being resentful.

I definitely agree. Tell him exactly when you'll be ready!

rrdm782004 Posted: Jan 29, 2005 08:23 PM

Re: Pressure I need advice

Posted by cluelessbride

Posted by nov04LIbride

I say sit down and figure out how you would realistically afford everything a baby needs, from daycare to diapers and formula, doctor visits...It sounds like maybe he needs a reality check.

totally agree!

Also, I don't think most men fully appreciate what pregnancy means for the mom. YOU will be carrying the baby for nine months and what are you going to do, give up grad school? Give up working full time?

From somone who fropped out of undergrad please take this advice: do not drop out of school if you want a degree. It is so hard to start again.

I agree I have 2 more semesters to go and I will be done with my Maters's in Public Adminstration. I eventually will like to get my P.H.D also. I feel before I start to have children I should complete my education first, which I discuss before getting married.

amy&anthony Posted: Jan 29, 2005 08:39 PM

Re: Pressure I need advice

I agree with you hun. The ability to have children will be with you for many years, but the ability to get through grad school and get a good job, get yourself good financially is tough and its much tougher with a child. Take it from a woman who did it backwards.

I am now a single mom of a 3 year old living at home with mom and dad trying to save up for a wedding. apartment and finish grad school. Its rediculously stressful and theres not enough time in the day. BTW - you two will really miss each other - the alone time. Enjoy the alone time, being able to travel etc while you can.

I can not wait to have a second but am waiting another 2 years until I have tenure :( You gotta do what you gotta do. Do whats best for the future of your family now :)

rrdm782004 Posted: Jan 30, 2005 06:16 PM

Re: Pressure I need advice

thank you for the advice

beautyq115 Posted: Jan 30, 2005 06:23 PM

Re: Pressure I need advice

Definetely finish school because if you don't do it now and start to have kids chances are you will never go back.

Good Luck to you...hope it works out!