Problem - please give advice!

Nylcaj2004 Posted: Dec 07, 2003 10:18 PM

Problem - please give advice!

Thank you for your advice and support. Most likely they will end up getting invites. There are only 2 people I was having doubts about, and I decided to send their invites out a little later, in case I get way too many yes responses then I thought I would. One of them is not married so I decided not to have them bring a guest since they will know a few people at the wedding so I didn't think this would be a problem. I stress over the littlest things!! The invites are ready to be picked up so all of this is consuming my thoughts. Hopefully it will all work out for the best.

Ok here's the problem. I have been engaged for almost a year and I sent out 'Save the Date' magnets since I'm getting married Memorial Day weekend. Now there are a few people that I sent magnets to that I am not sure I want to invite. I've lost touch with a few people and I'm trying to stay on a budget and don't want to go overboard with the invites. Is this really bad? I don't want there to be any hurt feelings but I also feel it is my day and I should invite the people who are closest to me. Should I say anything to these people or just don't send them invites? They are friends with other people who will be invited so that is why I am stressing and I don't want them to be upset me. Any advice would be appreciated!

peabody Posted: Dec 07, 2003 10:24 PM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

If you sent them a Save the Date, I really think you should invite them to your wedding. If I got a STD and then wasn't invited to the wedding, I would feel hurt.

It's a touchy situation.

This is just my opinion, it's your decision.

Good luck!

gertyrae Posted: Dec 07, 2003 10:26 PM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

I have to agree with Peabody, once you send them an STD, you really have to invite them. It is a tough situation, the only thing I might say is that if you really don't talk to them much they may not come.

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Dec 07, 2003 10:36 PM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

I am sorry to say that I don't really think you can not invite them without being really rude. The STD is something you send to ask them to hold the date for your wedding - You have already asked them to hold the date so you really can't now say sorry I don't want to invite you - JMO but that would be really rude. Just an idea but if you don't really talk to them maybe they won't attend?

mrswask Posted: Dec 07, 2003 11:11 PM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

I have to agree with everyone else - if you sent them a STD - you really need to invite them. We just sent out our STD's this week and we only sent them to people who we are 100% going to invite - we didn't send them to maybe's - so we have the option of inviting them or not - but you really need to send invites if they got a STD because you pretty much told them that they were already invited!

LIPrincess00 Posted: Dec 07, 2003 11:19 PM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

I have to agree with everyone also. If you sent them a STD you really should invite them. If they feel the same way they may say no anyway.

July2004Bride Posted: Dec 08, 2003 12:23 AM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

I agree with anyone... if they got an STD, then they definitely should get an invite..

AliKing Posted: Dec 08, 2003 08:41 AM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

I think when you send a STD, you have to invite them. Unfortunately I think that happens to a lot of brides. I did the same thing and sent the people I wasnt close to an invite and they replied no. (thank god)

Boop2704 Posted: Dec 08, 2003 08:51 AM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

Unless you had a major falling out with them, or stopped being friends because of a fight, I think , like everyone else has said, you really have to invite them. You asked them to hold a date and you really can't just not send them an invite. If they feel the same as you, that you have just lost touch, they probably won't come. On the other hand, they may come and you may strike up your friendship again. JMO

mich Posted: Dec 08, 2003 09:29 AM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

I have to agree- I think you should invite them. We spent a lot of time deciding who the STD magnets were being sent to. I agree with the previous poster- maybe you can resume your friendship again!

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Dec 08, 2003 09:41 AM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

Why would you care about them being upset with you?
If you feel concerned about that then I would say they still mean something to you. If not, then don't invite them.
But that might be a way to truly sever the ties---not sure if you really want to do that.

isopodi Posted: Dec 08, 2003 10:00 AM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

Unfortunately, if you sent them 'Save the Date' cards, you should invite them to the actually wedding. If you just don't send them an invite, they may question you about it and that would be awkward. I agree with you that you should invite who you want to invite but you should have decided this before you sent out the Save the date cards.
Sorry, just my opinion...

Nora101004 Posted: Dec 08, 2003 12:57 PM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

I would send them an invite, but hoped they didn't come. I do think you have to invite them.

sammi102 Posted: Dec 08, 2003 12:59 PM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

I agree, I think you should invite them. How would you feel? Has the relationship really dwindled that much? If so, then maybe they won't come. I would still invite and be the bigger person. I understand about the budget, but you did send them a STD and they will probably be looking forward to it.

B2BMay04 Posted: Dec 08, 2003 01:45 PM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

If you sent a STD you have to invite them. A STD is like a pre-invitation.

aliciahelene Posted: Dec 08, 2003 02:29 PM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

I agree with everyone else, technically they should be invited...HOWEVER..you could always just say that due to your budget, you've decided to keep things very small and intimate...if I received an STD and then heard that they were kepping things small, I wouldnt care or think bad, Id assume that the bride and groom realized how much weddings are and cut the list, who cares, especially if you sent the STDs out a year ago,and if you havent talked to them..do you really care if they get upset, its yoru wedding, do what YOU want, not what everyone else wants. I got so stressed out by everyone telling me what I should an dshouldnt do, I cracked under pressure and broke off my engagement, thankgod I came to my senses..but the bottom line is you do what works best for you. If you ahvent spoken to these people in a year, chances are you arent going to speak to them again, why should you have to pay for them to come to yoru wedding. I know this is not in agreement with what everyone else says, its just my opinion.

jenny2penny Posted: Dec 08, 2003 02:29 PM

Re: Problem - please give advice!

I am in agreence as well. If they have a STD, you should invite them,,,or else be prepared for them to no longer be a friend to you.

their purpose is to do just that 'STD' if I then did not get an invite....TACKY!!!

I was very careful in who I sent them to for that reason.