Problem with MOH

My MOH emailed me last night saying that they're gonna throw me a shower, everyone wants me to have one, but it's gonna be expensive and my grandmother was complaining about money. But my grandmother told my MOH not to tell me, and my MOH told me anyway. Which pisses me off, really, cause my grandmother is not a child and if she wanted me to know she would have told me or had my MOH tell me, but she specifically said don't tell me - made me call my MOH to call her and tell her not to tell me. Which means that my grandmother, God bless her, is going to go with whatever plan my MOH and BMs have come up with. Which makes me feel guilty, which is *I KNOW* exactly what she was trying to avoid.

So I responded to my MOH - I don't know what you're doing that's costing so much, just don't do that, just have a party in someone's house, I don't care, I just want my family and friends around me celebrating my wedding. BUT, and I love my MOH to death, but HOW TACKY IS IT TO COMPLAIN TO *ME* ABOUT HOW EXPENSIVE MY SHOWER IS?!! When I don't know when or where it is, and I specifically told them to keep it low-key?! What am I supposed to do about this - call my grandma and tell her don't throw me a shower?

I regret picking this friend to be my MOH. She's my best friend, but she has wedding/money/fixing the world issues that's making this into a nightmare.

Grandma should just get you a nice little gift, nothing big (remember when showers were for things like kitchen towels???), and not have any additional expenses. The shower is not given by her, and the BMs should do what they are all comfortable with. My first wedding, we had a party at my aunt's house. And I got LOTS of kitchen towels!! This time we will have a tea party, no gifts thank you.
But, yes, the MOH should NOT have said anything to you. Besides, isn't the shower supposed to be a suprise???

That is irritating! What if you told your MOH that you don't want your grandmother to know she talked to you and that you are comfortable with having your grandmother pay for the shower. If they can't afford it without her portion then they should find cheaper alternatives.

I sympathize that you have to deal with this now - sounds like you have more than enough going on without having to reign in your MOH.

It sounds like your MOH's goal was to get you to tell your grandma to stop complaining. Why else would she have mentioned it to you? Which, IS totally wrong. She should have not said anything.

If it were me, I would tell her straight out that I do not want to know ANY of the shower details.

No, she did it because she feels sorry for my grandma. And I don't think they can do it without her, or something. But I don't understand what she wants me to do about it -if it's too expensive, why did they pick something so expensive? ARRGHH, it's so annoying! I think she's unconsiously trying to get me not to want a shower or something, trying to get me to say that since this thing is gonna be a burden on grandma, we shouldn't do it. And she's doing *that* because she's the type of person who would never have a bridal shower herself, and so doesn't really understand why I want one. And because I think one of my other BMs has 'ideas' about how it's 'supposed' to be done and that's why it's so expensive. And my MOH is a cheapskate. And she's sorry that my grandma has this to worry about on top of everything else.

Which is why I'm really unhappy with her as a MOH right now - she's not only not into weddings, I think her apathy/anixety is making her not herself. She plans birthday parties all the time, I don't understand why this would be so different.

I totally know where you are coming from and I am so sorry for you.

I, like you, picked a good friend to be MOH instead of the person who would have been best at it. In hindsight, its really not worth picking your best friend if she is going to destroy what was a good relationship. Right?

What I did= I just listened to what she said, and when it came to be too much I would laugh and say 'I dont want to hear about this!' but then I would go back and complain to a BM and they would all tell her to shut the he77 up.

Can u do that?

The only other BM with that power (who I KNOW would be MORTIFIED with what MOH is doing) is out of town for 2 weeks.

Thanks everyone. I'll talk to her tonight and let you all know how it goes.

how tacky of her to complain to you about this!!! Let us know how it all turns out! Good luck honey!

Very tacky! Try reasoning with your friend and telling her that it's making you uncomfortable to hear about money problems. Good luck!