Problems with my mother (sorry - long)

My mother is really starting to annoy me. My parents are paying for about 90% of the wedding and we are paying for the rest. No help whatsoever from the other side.

I did the invite and instead of incorporating parents names into the invitation, I just put my parents names at the bottom since they were throwing the party. Then I changed it and put his parents too - so I didn't offend anyone.

The second problem is that with just aunts, uncles and cousins and a few close family friends, DH's list is about 100 people. There is no way we could even consider cutting any of them because they are immediate family and we have close relationships with all of them. I actually see them more than I see my own family.

My mother is being pretty nasty about the whole situation. First, she said that since they are paying for the wedding, they should really be the only ones listed on the invites. They are also inviting all these people that I don't know from a hole in the wall which really pisses me off. There is about 15 people on their list who, if I bumped into them on the street, I wouldn't know who they are. I'm really grateful that they are paying and for all of the support they are giving me but it really gets under my skin that my mom is being like this. She can be such a stuck up snob sometimes and makes comments about his family not contributing and such. Money really is the root of all evil!!!

Re: Problems with my mother (sorry - long)

I know exactly how you feel. My mother is the same way. It really takes the fun out of it, doesn't?

Re: Problems with my mother (sorry - long)

sorry to hear - unfortunately money does bring out the worst in people...hang in there, hopefully your mom will come around.

Re: Problems with my mother (sorry - long)

That *****, but please look on the bright side!!!!!! In the end, you'll have a great day no matter what.

Re: Problems with my mother (sorry - long)

i am so glad someone else is complaining about their mother. mine has been just awful. 7 months of wedding planning and not ONE positive comment. At my shower, she didn't even get up to see me walk in to my surprise shower, i actually had to ask if she was there. so, you are not alone!

Re: Problems with my mother (sorry - long)

I totally feel you on this. Coming from a daughter that never got much love or affection from her mother is hard for me to deal with right now especially in the starting stages of planning. However once we begin, she will be soooo interested in the planning, not because I want her to or she should be b/c she is my mother, BUT b/c she wants it all to be perfect so everyone else (her stupid friends) will think its perfect! It is all about what others think and not what her family thinks. Always has been, always will be. I don't know how me and my sister came out so normal. Of course it had to be b/c of our dad. I can honestly say that I don't like my mother. I love her b/c she is my mother. But if we were strangers and met for the first time, I would dislike her in a heart beat. She stands for everything I dislike in a human being. Isn't that awful to say about your own mother???

Re: Problems with my mother (sorry - long)

cw - I say the same thing about my older sister - she is a complete monster and I spend half my time not speaking to her and the other half trying to forge a relationship because she is my sis.

Re: Problems with my mother (sorry - long)

pmb- all we can do is be patient. I keep telling FH that one day my mother will need us and when she is (I know this is horrible to say but I feel I must) in her last days, those that will be by her side will be her family NOT her friends. She won't realize the damage she has caused till her time has come. It always seems to happen that when you are losing something you realize how precious it is.
I just deal with her nonsense and let it go over my head now. When I ignore her it seems to draw her to me for some reason.
Unfortunately, these are people in are lives we can't easily replace with someone else. Try to make the best of it, how difficult it may seem. And don't forget that this is about you and your FH. Could you guys pay for more of the wedding to make some peace within yourselves and not get so upset about your day b/c of your mom?

Re: Problems with my mother (sorry - long)

I too am having the same problems with my parents who are also footing 90% of the bill, and my fiances family---nothing. Not to throw a wrench in, but I understand that your Mom is mad. Generally the party that pays for the affair should appear on the invite. Even though you may have thought it would be 'nice' to include your FH's parents names...they contributed nothing to the wedding, so why give them credit on the invitation? If you want to include them or do something nice for them, buy them a little gift etc...They really have no place on the invitation. My parents would be very pissed if I included FH's parents..especially since they have not contributed. Explain to your mom your reasoning...you are oviously a fair person. Mothers and daughters are always at each others throats when it gets down to the wire. Everything will blow over and when everything is over you will laugh about the little things you fought over. Best of luck.

Re: Problems with my mother (sorry - long)

I don't mean to get sappy but. . . .

Yes, Mothers can be a pain. Especially if they are footing the bill. Let's put ourselves in Mothers shoes. If we were mothers, footing our daughter's bill by ourselves (90%) then we may want a lot of input also. We would only care about our daughters day and want it to be perfect, perfect of course, the way we think is best.

I just want you all to think of all your mothers have done for you and all that they are doing for your wedding. My Mother is deceased 2 years ago, and I just would do ANYTHING to have her alive being a pain in my neck for this wedding. Let's all be grateful they are here and able to be that pain, because without them, the other type of pain is way worse.

Re: Problems with my mother (sorry - long)

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Re: Problems with my mother (sorry - long)

I am in a simillar boat, but w/ my dad, not my mom. My dad is paying 100% for the wedding, but he is only doing it because 'that's what he's supposed to do', or so he thinks. My FH and I wanted to pay for the wedding ourselves so we wouldn't have to deal with the 'parent' hassel, and when we told my dad that, you'd think I slapped him. To him, that was the most disrespectful thing that could come out of my mouth (my dad is VERY traditional and 'what would people think' kind of a thing.) But he has not said one positive thing about the wedding and actually doesn't like talking about it. The only good thing is that I told him from the beginning that we our doing it our way and to bad if he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to pay. Luckily, since he doesn't like talking about it, he can't complain about what we are doing.

Even though FH's family isn't coontributing, we are putting them on the invitation. We didn't want to insult anyone, and they are his parents. They aren't not paying 'cause they don't want to. They're not paying 'cause they can't. But they are giving us alot of emotional support, which is more then I can say for my own dad, so you can say we are putting them on the invitations for that.