Professional women...can we have it all?

In my reading for one of my classes we had to read this Harvard Business Review article called 'Executive Women and the Myth of Having it All.' The article basically said that it's almost impossible for women to have it all bc most employers don't have policies in place to ensure that a woman isn't penalized for having children. Also, women who focus on their career believing that they will have time to have a family often realize that they can't have kids bc they waited so long. (FM me your email address if you want a copy of the article bc it's a PDF)

I found it very interesting bc as we go through marriage counseling the pastor asked us to think about the quality of life that we would like. Since both FH and I are pursuing professional degrees he said we needed to think about how our careers will affect quality of life, our relationship with each other and kids.

My question to you ladies is can we have it all? Do you think at some point you will have to choose one over the other?

I will have it all.

I love all of these articles that say women can't have a career and a family. Men have been doing it forever. It smells like an attempt to keep women 'in their place' if you ask me.

I would like to read the article.

IMO, I don't think you can have it all, because there will be times when one is more important than another (ie career v.s. family).

I think you can balance in some/certain fields and some are impossible with child rearing, but overall, it all depends on your definition of success.

If success = big boss, then you can't also want kids and be able to spend quality time with them...

If success = being professionally fulfilled, then its doable.

Some fields (i.e. investment banking) don't allow a lot of time for personal life, and one needs to choose what they want to do.

I don't know. That is one of the reasons I am holding off on the kids, I have yet to figure this out.

I wonder about this myself. Career is something I have always worked hard for - - to achieve my professional goals. Now as I get older and having a family is becoming more important to me I am finding myself at a strange crossroads. Because I feel it is really hard/to near impossible to have both the way I want both. But do I keep holding off family to get further in my career or to be where I want to be in my career? Or will I have the time to do what I do now when I have a family or will I want to? Because I do feel - just taking time off for a maternity leave can hurt me professionally...It is a very interesting and difficult struggle.

I have seen many very professional woman friends who struggle with the same thing. Friends who have been penalized career wise or have to work so much more to have both a promising career and a family. This is a topic that is always of interest to me.

Alina, don't you interact with your husband now? And I wonder, do you think that your husband should also not be working 8-6 after you have children because if he does he will not have any meaningful interaction with his family?

Not trying to start and drama. I just always wonder about this.

do male executives really have it all too?

I don't think so...they come home late...don't get to see soccer games...parent-teacher conferences...


I think being a professional PARENT has trade offs

Another thing to ponder:

The few really executive women who I have met and who are married/have children, either have a live-in nanny or a FT nanny or have a Stay at Home hubby.

I wanted to add that I think the biggest factor in this debate is the kind of company you are working for and not the field.

I know a bunch of people who work for law firms that are totally not family-oriented and I would not work for a firm like that. My firm, on the other hand, is extremely family-oriented. The male partners are always running out to pick up their kids and then bringing them back to the office. Our conference room has been off limits at times, because there is a child or two in there watching videos on the t.v. A lot of them are running out to watch a track meet or seomthing and then coming back.

So I think it not the career your chose or how many hours you work, but rather the work environment. I fully plan on being able to go on field trips with my children and attending games, etc. I am bothered by these all or nothing articles, because I think the all or nothing senario is a myth.

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Posted by Becky

Alina, don't you interact with your husband now? And I wonder, do you think that your husband should also not be working 8-6 after you have children because if he does he will not have any meaningful interaction with his family?

Not trying to start and drama. I just always wonder about this.

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Yes I do interact with DH, however, we're up till 11-12, and kids usually go to sleep at 8-9. Also, we'll have to start having dinner somehow, now hubby eats dinner and I don't, but niether of us really cooks. One of us would need to cook.

With regard to work hours, I think I would like him to also work shorter hours than 8-6, but I think it would be fair to say that per 'glass ceiling' he would be expected by his work to work longer hours and harder than I, simply due to him being a man.

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Posted by alina

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Posted by Becky

Alina, don't you interact with your husband now? And I wonder, do you think that your husband should also not be working 8-6 after you have children because if he does he will not have any meaningful interaction with his family?

Not trying to start and drama. I just always wonder about this.

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Yes I do interact with DH, however, we're up till 11-12, and kids usually go to sleep at 8-9. Also, we'll have to start having dinner somehow, now hubby eats dinner and I don't, but niether of us really cooks. One of us would need to cook.

With regard to work hours, I think I would like him to also work shorter hours than 8-6, but I think it would be fair to say that per 'glass ceiling' he would be expected by his work to work longer hours and harder than I, simply due to him being a man.

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We are tired people over at my house. We already go to bed at 9-10

What if the woman makes more than the man, by a fairly significant amount?

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Posted by yabbobay

do male executives really have it all too?

I don't think so...they come home late...don't get to see soccer games...parent-teacher conferences...


I think being a professional PARENT has trade offs

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FH brought up that point up on the way to work this morning. He said whether it's the man or woman, a working parent is sacrificing to some extent.

...one more thing!

When I have children, I want them to have a healthy lifestyle. I hope I am around to cook healthy meals so they have good eating habbits. And if I'm not home, I know they will be sitting around watching tv, or playing video games. I want to be there to encourage playing outside.

This is very important to me.
JMO

I believe that some women can, but there are so many variables to consider. (What you do, where you work, how long you commute, etc.) For me, unless I could find a job that pays well close to my home (which is non-existent), I will not be able to have it all.

I am an attorney and work in NYC, which means at least 1 hour commute each way. By adding my commute to my workday, I am out of the house at a minimum 12-1/2 hours a day and more often than not, 14-15 hours. That is not very condusive to family life. When the time comes, I will have to make some adjustment and I am really hoping work will accommodate me (although I highly doubt it). However, if I worked 5 minutes from my house, there would be no problem.

I'll have it all

When I came to NYC I saw this company and said.. I want to work there in at least 5 years, it took me 4.

This company is GREAT for supporting women. The company run day care is two blocks from out midtown office. They do EVERYTHING to make work & home success become equal.

Women pop kids out all the time here, no difference in work or work flow. Everyone picks up the slack and then when she comes back it all slowly smooths out again and in 6months it's like nothing happened.

Promotions go on like usual, relocating happens as well. Since we are worldwide it's more of an option. A friend of mine got her review and found out she qualified for AVP but here you have to wait until April for title annoucements. A week later her hubby takes a job in Nashville. They have to move in 3 weeks. The company moved up her promotion and gave her the title of AVP so she could relocate with the title and pay scale to Nashville. (NYC AVP salary..in NASHVILLE??) Less than two months later she was pregnant. She is right now on maternity leave and plans to go back. 3 months at full pay 2 months at 50%.

I love this company!!!

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Posted by alina

Becky, I guess my opinion may be skewed, but I do think you work for the type of company that is currently in a minority, not majority. If more companies could be like that, perhaps having a good career and being a good mommy wouldn't be such a problem.

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This, I believe, is the bottom line. Most companies today don't do half the things they should to make things easier for working parents. Flex time, the possibility of working from home, providing child care-companies that have these things are still in a small minority. Women have changed to meet the needs of the work force but the work force is, for the most part, does not accommodate women.

Becky, you're lucky. More companies should be like yours-especially law firms.