hi im new on this site...and im 21 years old my FH is 25. He is absolutely amazing and were verry excited and happy. Lately i feel like whenever i tell someone im engaged, theyre like OMG ur so young, oh should wait, oh marriage aint no joke, etc.... that comes right after the congrats. we obviously are deeply committed to each other and have stable jobs...
i dont think theres no appropriate age to get married. my mother got married to my father when she was 20, and they are still happy and in love. Some ppl have such negative attitudes or negative experiences with marriage that instead of guiding others they tend to offend them.
argh sorry i just wanted to ventt!!
ant n tilde
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Re: proper age for marriage?
oh i completely know how you feel! my brother and his wife got married at about 35. . . at her baby shower all over her 30+ friends had a two hour conversation how they are so glad that they didnt get married when they were in their twenties bc they would have missed the best years of their lives, they didnt know anything then etc etc etc ALL of this after congratulating me on my engagement! not a fun night for me . . .
anyway just some stats for you my mom was 18 and my dad was 25 when they were married and they just celebrated their 40th! my aunt was 17 and my uncle was 26 when THEY were married and just celebrated THEIR 40th ( a week apart) FH's parents got married at 18 and are together 28 years . . .
etc etc etc so dont worry you are in good company! lol
MichLiz213
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My parents were 19 and just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. There is no right age. Some people who get married later in life aren't ready to get married! I think it just depends on the individual relationship.
MnM52607
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Don't worry about what other people say. If you and FH are happy, then that is all that matters. Marriage is hard no matter what age you are and I am sure you are not taking that lightly.
schmoogan
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I hear you - i just turned 22 (FH 27) - was engaged at 21. I got a lot of weird looks when i told some people, but hey - it's your life. If you are mature enough and able to commit to something that important and feel you can handle the responsibility then that's totally your decision. I totally hear you on this one!
portjeffbride
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My friend's sister (who is 10 years younger than us, and was 22 at the time) announced she was engaged to be married several years ago. We were shocked, and admittedly thought 'she's too young!'. I think that was becuase we were 10 years older, and still single.
Well, years later, she is a mom of 2 beautiful children, and is extremely happy with her family.
She proved everyone wrong, and so will you!
Brush them off.... you know your decision is right, and that is what counts...
espresso
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There is no proper age, it depends on maturity. But I do think 21 is too young, and if I knew you personally I would prob encourage waiting. However, it's your life and you know what's best for you. Are you still in college?
utwo16
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Don't worry about what people say at all. That's very rude of them to even mention that. If you are ready, you are ready. congrats and best wishes
AeroJenn
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Posted by espresso
There is no proper age, it depends on maturity. But I do think 21 is too young, and if I knew you personally I would prob encourage waiting. However, it's your life and you know what's best for you. Are you still in college?
What makes 21 too young? My grandparents were both 18 when they got married and they just celebrated their 56th anniversary. I dont think its anyone's place to 'encourage' someone to wait...to be honest, I think thats rude. JMO.
luvabul
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thanks
luvabul
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i would never wait for the sole reason that im young. marriage is a different experience for everyone...my FH is an attorney in a great firm in NYC...he recently graduated law school and landed a great job, and im getting my masters right now and working also.. we both will have stable careers within a year or two, so careers and money arent really an issue, besides that Ive been with him for a while now. i mean its not like i tell ppl who are getting married at 35 'wow thats old' or 'why so late, or is this ur 2nd marriage' i know they would be offended...so i think ppl should respect everyones decision. this was just a post to describe how I and clearly other ppl in the same age-range feel....
but oh well, good luck and best wishes to every bride on here young or old.
tdebe
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I totally feel for you. FH and I were both 20 when we got engaged and will be 22 when we're married. I'm so tired of people saying that we're too young and don't know what we're getting into. I think it's awesome that I'll be able to grow up with my husband. We'll get to share our crazy twenties together and then the rest of our lives. You know in your heart what's right and no one can tell you otherwise. It's hard not to let it get to you, I know it gets to me sometimes, but I just tell myself that I shouldn't have to wait until I'm older for something that I'm absolutely positive about right now just because everyone has an opinion.
tbone66
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I think it is different for everyone. I, personally, was far from ready for marriage at 21. I met FH when I was 23 and we dated for a bit, but neither of us were ready for that type of commitment at that time. Even after we met we broke up and remained friends while we dated other people. I will be getting married at 33 and FH will be 36. I do not regret a thing we did. I had a great time in my 20's. Yes, we are on the older side, put there are plenty of our friends that are still single as well. It really just depends on knowing yourself and FH to see if you are ready for that type of commitment. In my opinion I do not think that many 21 year olds that are ready, but I am sure that there are some that exist. Congratulations!!!!
Snowflake08
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Posted by Trishthedish
Posted by JIFFY
If I met you I would think the same thing. Here is my perspective. I guess I think that way bc I am 37 and I had so much fun in my 20's. I would think back to when I was 21. I did things that I could never do if I were married. (and i'm not talking about sex stuff). Also, people your age are usually not in stable jobs. We (us old people ) know how hard it is to make ends meet. I just know that I have learned so much about myself, the world, people in general that I never knew when I was 21 but thought I did.
So I apologize for 'us' not taking your feelings into consideration. If you know he is the one for you- then you know! It's just very shocking now a days for people to get married so young. So just
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!
Nic
Being that I am 32 and engaged and will be 33 when I get married, I have to say, I definitely agree with the above post. I am sorry and I am not trying to be mean BUT, when you hit your late 20's, early 30's you realize how much you enjoyed your life and the best years are when you are in your early and mid twenties. I do not regret at all that I will be 33 when I am married. I enjoyed and had great times when I was younger and I love reminising on those times.
Congratulations on your engagement.
Ditto
I am 32, FH is 35 - I dont regret waiting, i feel more confident, more stable and definitely fewer regrets - but everyone is different
i have had summer shares in hamptons and Fire island, lived with girlfriends on long island and the city and i am glad that i had those experiences
Good Luck to all!!
espresso
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Re: proper age for marriage?
Posted by AeroJenn
Posted by espresso
There is no proper age, it depends on maturity. But I do think 21 is too young, and if I knew you personally I would prob encourage waiting. However, it's your life and you know what's best for you. Are you still in college?
What makes 21 too young? My grandparents were both 18 when they got married and they just celebrated their 56th anniversary. I dont think its anyone's place to 'encourage' someone to wait...to be honest, I think thats rude. JMO.
It's my opinion, which is what was asked. I still think its your life and do as you may, your personal opinion is what counts.
And my parents were 19, still married and doing well. In my personal life I still think 21 is a time to enjoy college and life w/o responsibilities. Not really another moment to start a website brawl.
But back to the poster, congrats!! and always remember that you know what is best, who cares what others think. Everyone had a different outlook and different experiences.
espresso
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Here is something: though my mother and father are still happily married (as mentioned before she was 19), and my mom doesnt regret it, she does mention from time to time how she wished she experienced certain things. For instance, I lived abroad for a while, and had a great time. I've shared an apartment with friends, etc. My mom always encouraged me to enjoy life, and said how she wished she had experienced living out on her own, etc. etc.
Does that mean she regrets her life? Not at all. DOes it mean you can't travel when married? ABsolutely not. But my mom is glad I waited till I did a lot on my own. And that is your own personal consideration.
A friend of mine from law school was married at 21, and is still going strong. There is no right answer to this question.
sr081906
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Age is diferent from maturity.
Now that I am older, I can 'reflect' back on my early 20's and 'oh man... was I naive!!'
I met my my ex-husband when I was 20 and I got married when I was 25. We were not only young but totally immature (although we thought we knew it all!). I did not realize until later.. probably late twenties to early 30's what I really wanted out of life. My life seemed to revolved totally around my ex-husband. I had 'ceased' to exist as an individual. When my marriage ended, I finally realized I had 'played house' all along not knowing or having the maturity to know better.
Of course, I now realize how immature I was. But everybody who is 20 or 25 is not immature.
Even if I am not always sure of what I want, I trully know what I DON'T want. I believe I have learned that from experiences in my life. For me.. it took 'several' years to learn who I was and what I wanted.
DebsNY
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I know how you feel. I was engaged at 20 (well, a month before i turned 21) and married a month before I turned 23. I heard it all, you're too young, you don't know, blah blah blah.
But honestly, you learn from your own mistakes and your own decisions. A year and change later at 24, I'm still very happy with my decision( which many viewed as a 'mistake'). We're doing fine finacially (and will be even better in a year when DH has a full time job and is done with his internship).
You have to do what's right for you, nobody can predict the future. Congratulations and best of luck to you and your FH
ETA: what's right for one person is not right for another. I have a friend who I know won't get married until later in life, even though just about everyone else in our circle of friends is already married. She's not less mature, she just has more to do by herself before she can get married. I, on the other hand, didn't have the desire to work in a foreign country like she does. Everyone's different. Marriage in your early 20's isn't right for everyone. Everyone has a different destiny..
Valor06
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I get similar reactions and I'm 23.
snydl40
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Don't listen to people, they will just make you agrivated. As long as you guys are happy, that's all that matters.
cherilicious16
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Posted by JIFFY
If I met you I would think the same thing. Here is my perspective. I guess I think that way bc I am 37 and I had so much fun in my 20's. I would think back to when I was 21. I did things that I could never do if I were married. (and i'm not talking about sex stuff). Also, people your age are usually not in stable jobs. We (us old people ) know how hard it is to make ends meet. I just know that I have learned so much about myself, the world, people in general that I never knew when I was 21 but thought I did.
So I apologize for 'us' not taking your feelings into consideration. If you know he is the one for you- then you know! It's just very shocking now a days for people to get married so young. So just
Well said Nicole. (as usual) I agree and think that people's opinions are a reflection of their own experiences and the society they are currently living in.
