Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by MrsCM

Just out of curiousity, what books is your FH currently reading on how to properly care for you, his wife?

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Now this, I might read!! hahahaha!!


In all seriousness though.... I agree!!! Where are the care for your wife books???
I mean it IS in their best interest to take care of us.... that way they can still get some haha then they will be happy!! See it's the same cycle but reversed a bit.

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A few months ago, I actually purchased a book called 'The Expectant Father' for my husband. It's like your typical what to expect book but elaborated to include how your wife might feel to help you empathize.

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Posted by belvedere

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Posted by LauraluvsSean

sounds like a book that would have been appropriate if it were 1910, not 2010..

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ITA!

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I think it's meant as a joke

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by gina409

no..when i think of proper care and feeding my husband i think....'get off ur butt and make ur own dinner'

i didnt even know they made books like that??

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ITA Gina!!!
And NOPE I did NOT read any prep books on how to take care of the husband. I'm not his mother... I'm his wife.

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ITA!!!!


I dont need to read books about how to take care of my husband because he is a grown man who can take care of himself!

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Posted by HSsweethearts

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Posted by belvedere

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Posted by LauraluvsSean

sounds like a book that would have been appropriate if it were 1910, not 2010..

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ITA!

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I think it's meant as a joke

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I did at first too, until I looked it up and I think she's pretty much serious.

I haven't read the book or the reviews, but I think some points brought out in this thread are solid pieces of advice that all brides to be could follow..that these books shouldnt be required reading per se, BUT that they could offer some perspective for readers on how to think about their relationship with their husband.

It is always nice to read other people's perspective on relationships but for me, that doesn't necessarily mean that their advice is something I would incorporate for myself. I wouldn't buy this book because the title itself seems a little off-putting, but there probably are a few good nuggets of wisdom that she shares which are beneficial to all women...I sometimes look at the books I read when I was dating loser men, and some of them actually provided good insight on why my own behaviour was causing guys to act a certain way toward me...

.This book probably is chock full of advice on how to keep a marriage healthy, strong and alive which is never a bad idea. If the title were something tame like 'How to Maintain a Happy Marriage' would this thread be as many pages as it is now? hmmm...

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Posted by MrsCM

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by MrsCM

Just out of curiousity, what books is your FH currently reading on how to properly care for you, his wife?

---

Now this, I might read!! hahahaha!!


In all seriousness though.... I agree!!! Where are the care for your wife books???
I mean it IS in their best interest to take care of us.... that way they can still get some haha then they will be happy!! See it's the same cycle but reversed a bit.

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A few months ago, I actually purchased a book called 'The Expectant Father' for my husband. It's like your typical what to expect book but elaborated to include how your wife might feel to help you empathize.

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i bought one of those books too for John when ... well you know. The what to expect for the father in terms of pregnancy is SOO different though. That's learning about a crazy change that's going on in your life and your wife body and life. It's very important to be educated on it.

Being educated on how to fold your husbands laundry, cook all his meals and basically be his maid... is just NOT something I'm into at all.

Not that I don't love my husband dearly.... but I'm not about to baby him. I think it takes away from the TEAM or UNION you have created in which you are supposed to work together with the daily chores. You are supposed to help one another out.. not have a total imbalance of workloads. I think it's ABSURD that women are most often expected to work full time, then take care of a household full time and wait on their husbands while also being the main caregiver to children. Sounds like some women are being spread a little thin. And by the sounds of this book... it seems as though this may be one of the reasons this idiocy is still around. I refuse to give into that crap.

i'm not saying there's anything wrong is a woman TRULY just WANTS to do all that stuff.. if they do... good for them... but expecting it and or trying to train women to do so is where I have issues.

PS - where are the statistics on the divorce rates of those who follow these teachings?? I mean more than half marriages end in divorce.. how many of those dvorces are because of tired assss wives acting like a mother/maid instead of a wife?? Who's to say these people aren't contributing to the divorce rates???

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Posted by FutureMrsLots

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Posted by isk8r813

The short time I've been on this site, I've seen a lot of women publicly bitching about their FH or husbands. Ladies, the more you nag, publicly bash or be nasty to your husband, the worse your relationships will be.

FYI FH is reading 'Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage' and 'In praise of Stay at Home Moms' to prep for our marriage.

Marriage is a very tough relationship to keep and maintain, period. Statistics say that over half of the women that have been (or are on) this site have been divorced.

Though you may not agree with the title, Dr. Laura, or marriage therapy books, the reality is that we all need help in making our relationships with our husbands the best that it can be.

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I've seen a lot of girls brawl over things on this site...you just better hope that no one reads the first part of what you wrote.

I've lived with FH for over two years, everything takes work and patience. I don't feed the need to read a book about how to handle myself and him. Everyone is different, every situation is different. I've made it work. I never complain about FH on this site. If youneed a book to tell you how to act and what to do in your marriage, then that's you. My relationship is just fine, no matter how much I 'nag, publicly bash or be nasty to my husband.' But thanks for the advice.

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yea that first paragraph is a bit harsh. That's too specific for general statement. You cannot say that ANYONE's relationship will be worse because they are venting on liweddings. Sometimes girls come on here to VENT not nag or bash their husbands. It's just about venting to other women who would understand because they might be in the same boat. I can understand venting on here because it's more of an anonymous site. If it were on FB... where all the friends and family can see.. then that's another story.

The only help I need to make my relationship with DH the best it can be is FROM DH!! We both are in it wholeheartedly and that's where our faithfulness in one another lies. Communication is always key.

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by gina409

no..when i think of proper care and feeding my husband i think....'get off ur butt and make ur own dinner'

i didnt even know they made books like that??

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ITA Gina!!!
And NOPE I did NOT read any prep books on how to take care of the husband. I'm not his mother... I'm his wife.

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Well said!

Wow, really does sound like old fashioned advice!
I'm sure if you follow the rules of the book your husband will be happy. Who wouldn't be happy with someone taking care of him like his mom did!
The question is, would you be happy doing these things? Does this fit into your life? If he is reading a book about stay at home mom's, I'm assuming you aren't going to work? In that case, feeding him and cleaning his house and letting him be the provider might work for you. Keeping things simple might be better for relationships. But a lot of us can't live that way. And because no book can tell us exactly what to do in our situations I think a lot of us are going to play it by ear.

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Posted by MrsDrinkh20

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Posted by gina409

no..when i think of proper care and feeding my husband i think....'get off ur butt and make ur own dinner'

i didnt even know they made books like that??

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Totally agreed!

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HAHAHAA

Same here!

But I am interested in reading this book....

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Posted by Jesebelle

Wow, really does sound like old fashioned advice!
I'm sure if you follow the rules of the book your husband will be happy. Who wouldn't be happy with someone taking care of him like his mom did!
The question is, would you be happy doing these things?

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Just because one person is happy serving their man does not mean everyone would be. I can also guarantee it does not ensure a happy marriage. I have been married just under a year (and living with DH for 3 years now) so I am far from an expert but I can safely say a strong solid marriage takes a lot of hard work from BOTH parties. No amount of house cleaning and dinner cooking will make it magically work.

Just wanted to add.... Please don't think I am bashing housewives because I am soooo not! If I could afford to be a stay at home mom one day I would love to do it! I just don't think I could be married to someone who would expect me to 'care and feed them', especially when I am at work just as long as he is everyday!

To look at it at another angle, consider who is writing this book. She has been in two marriages, and had affairs with married men in between. Not really someone I'm dying to get marriage advice from.

not sure why would I need to read a book to prepare me for anything, including marriage. Actual life experiences are much more complex than what any book will try to solve and give advice about.

I read the book Why Men Prefer B!tches when I was single and dating. Did that make me 'get my man'? No, not at all. I also read 'He's Not That Into You' did that make me a more 'smarter' dater? Absolutely not LOL.

What I am trying to say is that nothing can prepare you for marriage fully. It is a learning experience for both parties based on open communication, and yes sometimes fighting/arguing.

My FH really doesn't want or need a 'Yes Man', he chose me because I am very assertive and independent and lazy home caretaker and a lot of other things good or bad. As I chose him with all of his craziness and loveliness.
We both would love to have a housewife actually, I mean who wouldn't? Then our house will be actually clean LOL
But will that make other problems in our relationship disappear or finally solved? Hell to the no, they would still be there, just in a cleaner house.

Oh and my FH is the furthest thing from a 'simple man', he is one of the most complex layered individuals I have ever met. So telling us that they are simple is IMO degrades men.

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by MrsCM

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by MrsCM

Just out of curiousity, what books is your FH currently reading on how to properly care for you, his wife?

---

Now this, I might read!! hahahaha!!


In all seriousness though.... I agree!!! Where are the care for your wife books???
I mean it IS in their best interest to take care of us.... that way they can still get some haha then they will be happy!! See it's the same cycle but reversed a bit.

---

A few months ago, I actually purchased a book called 'The Expectant Father' for my husband. It's like your typical what to expect book but elaborated to include how your wife might feel to help you empathize.

---

i bought one of those books too for John when ... well you know. The what to expect for the father in terms of pregnancy is SOO different though. That's learning about a crazy change that's going on in your life and your wife body and life. It's very important to be educated on it.

Being educated on how to fold your husbands laundry, cook all his meals and basically be his maid... is just NOT something I'm into at all.

Not that I don't love my husband dearly.... but I'm not about to baby him. I think it takes away from the TEAM or UNION you have created in which you are supposed to work together with the daily chores. You are supposed to help one another out.. not have a total imbalance of workloads. I think it's ABSURD that women are most often expected to work full time, then take care of a household full time and wait on their husbands while also being the main caregiver to children. Sounds like some women are being spread a little thin. And by the sounds of this book... it seems as though this may be one of the reasons this idiocy is still around. I refuse to give into that crap.

i'm not saying there's anything wrong is a woman TRULY just WANTS to do all that stuff.. if they do... good for them... but expecting it and or trying to train women to do so is where I have issues.

PS - where are the statistics on the divorce rates of those who follow these teachings?? I mean more than half marriages end in divorce.. how many of those dvorces are because of tired assss wives acting like a mother/maid instead of a wife?? Who's to say these people aren't contributing to the divorce rates???

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Kerri, this and your post right after this totally sum up how I feel about this thread.

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Posted by julesrbf

'In her newest book, Schlessinger (10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives) relies upon her experience in private practice, radio and letters she received from men and women in tackling the issue of women who mistreat their men and suffer the consequences of unhappiness. The women who criticize their husbands in the stories that Schlessinger relates are depressed in their marriages and feel little love from their husbands. Unabashedly asserting that man is a 'very simple creature,' who needs only 'direct communication, respect, appreciation, food, and good loving'' to respond with devotion, compassion and love, this controversial marriage and family therapist claims that every woman can achieve a deeply satisfying marriage if she adheres to certain fundamentals men require. Preparing dinner, caring for the children without complaint, greeting her husband with a kiss and engaging in sexual intimacy instead of 'tearing down a husband's necessary sense of strength and importance' can result in the harmonious marriage women crave. While many of her listeners and readers claim her unequivocal advice has salvaged teetering marriages and improved marital harmony, others perceive Schlessinger as a throwback to what many see as years of female oppression in the home.'

I'm not here to start a debate or anything, but based on this I would have no use for a book like this.

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Sounds like something straight out of the 1950s. Definitely not a book I would need.

The reason I am with my FH is because he is prepared to offer me an equal partnership and to share equally our burdens and our joys...not because he expects me to be some robot who always keeps our house and myself pristine and cares for our children 'without complaint' and shuttles them away when he gets home so he can sit with his slippers and his drink and his paper and relax while I do all the work.