QOTD 10.21.13

Good morning ladies! Thank you so much to my little sister and MOH kadymry for making me BOTW! Hope to come up with some fun and interesting questions this week! Here goes...

This weekend FH and I attended a birthday party of a friend of ours. There were many other couples there, mostly in there 20s and 30s, married with children. Through some interesting party conversations the topic of marriage and raising children came up. Most of these couples had a more 'traditional' marriage where the women stayed home with the children, cooked and cleaned and were responsible for all household and child rearing chores. Some of the men had never changed their babies' diaper or done a load of laundry!

So that got me to thinking: What kind of roles will you and your FH play in your marriage? Who is responsible for household chores and the children? Who will work? How important is continuing your career once you have children?

I believe that FH and I have a more 'modern' relationship. He actually cooks and I can't even boil water (I'm definitely willing to learn though!) We both take care of household chores; cleaning and running errands and will continue this into our marriage. In terms of raising children I believe we will have a more even partnership as well. My career is very important to me and as much as I would like to stay home with my children when the time comes, I am getting married after 30 and have worked really hard to achieve much success in my career. I also think it is very difficult, especially on LI to only have one income. My mom stayed home with us and it was so wonderful; that part will have to be worked out when the time comes. I look forward to my FH and I equally raising our children (changing diapers, waking up in the middle of the night for feedings!)

Have a wonderful day ladies! Looking forward to hearing your answers!

QOTD 10.21.13 - Long Island Weddings

Currently, FH and I share a lot of responsibilities. We both cook and clean equally- we're really big on doing things together, so it makes everything go by faster, easier and is an all around a better experience. When we do have children, I can't imagine it being much different. We have a great partnership and will raise our children together... now, with that being said, I am not opposed to being a stay at home mom either. Financially, I dont know if it is possible, BUT I would be happy with a few part time jobs, that could help us financially, as well as give me time to be with our kids. As it is, I earn income from several jobs, on top of my full time teaching job, so if I could increase those smaller jobs and rid the full time job, it could work! I suppose we will see what happens when the time comes!

QOTD 10.21.13 - Long Island Weddings

I grew up in a traditional household where my mother was a stay at home mom and my father was the breadwinner. I would love to be a stay at home mom but financially I don't think it would work out. FH and I both cook and clean so we split those responsibilities up but I do the food shopping since FH hates it and I wind saving money since I look for the sales.

QOTD 10.21.13 - Long Island Weddings

I love to cook. I cook dinner for us every night. After cooking, I do all of the dishes and clean up after dinner and make us lunch for work the next day. I do all of the housework including cleaning the house, all of the laundry, and the food shopping every week. FH takes care of the outside of the house and takes the garbage out. He also built our house. We both work full time.

As far as when kids come along, we will have to see what happens.

QOTD 10.21.13 - Long Island Weddings

FH and I share most of the responsibilities, we are a great team and will continue that once we are married and have children. When we do have children I will be fortunate enough to stay home and raise them, FH was bought up that way and wants the same for our family, which is fine by me : )

Re: QOTD 10.21.13

When the time for kids come, we will have to come up with a good game plan but for the most part, we have established I will be raising the kids while he works during the day (at least during their early years). Other responsiblities like cooking and cleaning during the week would obviously fall to me but even now without kids I have to admit, he's the better organizer around the house!

QOTD 10.21.13 - Long Island Weddings

We both work full time, and I guess I would actually be considered the bread winner right now since FH is new in his career. I do all the cooking and most of the cleaning,but he takes care of the house and takes out the garbage, maintains thecars and pays the bills so we are traditional that way. I would love to stay home when it comes time to raise children but I am not sure we will ever have the opportunity, but we are both willing to work very hard so we can reach all our goals and have a family. So I still feel very fortunate.

QOTD 10.21.13 - Long Island Weddings

FH and I both love to cook. Even though I definitely cook more often, there are times where we like to cook dinner together - usually on the weekends. We decided to do it so that the person who cooks doesn't have to do the dishes and I think that's fair. As far as other household chores, I'm kind of a neat freak so I wouldn't mind cleaning the majority of the house but he does want some responsibility so I guess we'll figure it out when we actually move in together.

When it comes to children we've discussed how we both grew up in houses where one parent was more lenient than the other and I really liked it because I respected both of my parents, but knew that there was always one I could talk to about certain things more than the other. However, we both think we're going to the be lenient one and the other is going to be the more strict one haha I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there! I don't think I would want to be a stay at home mom. I've worked SO hard to get where I am in terms of my career and I absolutely love teaching. I can't see having gone through so many years of school (I went back this year for another degree in ESL) just to throw it all away. Plus, that field has the best vacation time and I'd be able to have summers off if I wanted to spend time with them.

QOTD 10.21.13 - Long Island Weddings

FH and I share a lot of the day to day tasks around the apartment. He cooks though. I am a little spazzy in that capacity. He is excited about sharing responsibility around parenting. He would happily stay home if one of us needed to or had the ability to.

Re: QOTD 10.21.13

I'd like to say that FH and I divide responsibilities of cooking and cleaning evenly but that's just not true. He's technically both the breadwinner and homemaker out of the two of us currently. He has a great job doing network security for a big bank and can work from home most days of the week. Since my hours in the city are 10-6 and most nights my commute gets me home after 7:30, he always has dinner on the table waiting for me (BLESS HIM!) I do most of the cleanup but I always feel like he does so much around the house for me. I hate feeling like i can't do more but my work hours make things difficult.

While my company is ranked one of the top for working mothers in terms of flexibility and benefits, FH always tells me I can stay home once we have kids. Since I work as a producer for a website, I would definitely be able to work with my job to allow me to set a work from home schedule on the days that my FH can't. It would be awesome if we could both work full time and never need to rely on daycare or a nanny. With that said, I would LOVE to be a stay at home mom We will surely cross that bridge once we get there.

Re: QOTD 10.21.13

currently, we share responsibilities, and probably will for some time. however, i would very much like to have more of a 'traditional' arrangement, where i stay at home and take care of the household and raise our children, while FH works.

although, like you, i do not cook ... FH does all of that! i am trying to learn.

Re: QOTD 10.21.13

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Posted by Lisa and Steven

I grew up in a traditional household where my mother was a stay at home mom and my father was the breadwinner. I would love to be a stay at home mom but financially I don't think it would work out. FH and I both cook and clean so we split those responsibilities up but I do the food shopping since FH hates it and I wind saving money since I look for the sales.

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I literally could have wrote this exact same thing! I tend to cook more but FH does grill. As far as cleaning michael's ADD is great & when he cant sit still he cleans & vaccuums. So that works out just great We both clean but he has toilet duty. I do laundry mostly but he will chip in with that too. I food shop but he will pick up last minute things on his way home from work should we need it. I'd love to be able to stay home with our kids one day or work just part time. Only time will tell if that will be financially ok for us.

QOTD 10.21.13 - Long Island Weddings

FH and I usually work together as far as keeping up with house chores. I am more of a neat freak, so I tend to clean a little more, but that is because I have OCD sometimes with that. As far as working, I probably will not be able to be a stay at home mom. I am a registered nurse and I make most of the money now. FH is just new in his career. We will both have to work and raise children. We work well as a team, so I don't think it will be a problem :) I hope to have some free babysitting from family lol

QOTD 10.21.13 - Long Island Weddings

currently fh and I work together on house chores I honestly do all the cooking but he cleans the dishes, and I probably do more cleaning but he does heavy lifting when needed. Ideally we would like for me to be a stay home mom but because of finances and my fh doesn't make enough to support a house and a family. So we will be doing it as a team. hopefully when it comes time to have kids I will be at a different job cause my job doesn't offer paid maternity leave so financially I can't afford not to have income to not be coming in while I have a baby. I am surprised to find a lot of companies these days do this and find it more surprising in other countries maternity leave is sometimes up to 1 year paid. But we are on the same page with child rearing and how we want to raise them.

QOTD 10.21.13 - Long Island Weddings

My best friend and I were just discussing this today because I was complaining about laundry. She was like, seriously, he needs to learn how to do it! But, I said, if he does laundry then I'll have to take out the garbage, pick up the dog poop or do dishes!! LOL! We split almost everything down the middle. It was never really, ok you do this and I'll do that, they were just roles that we sort of fell into over time. We've lived together for 7 years, and have a 6 year old daughter. He gets her ready for school in the morning because I work early, and I do everything at night. We have a good routine.

I grew up in a house that was very traditional, my stepmom stayed home and my dad worked (I lived with them, not my mom) and I would love to just work part time now that my daughter is in school, but on Long Island it's just not financially possible.

QOTD 10.21.13 - Long Island Weddings

We always go food shopping together so we both get what we want. I clean the house and do all the laundry. While I can make pancakes, french toast, eggs and bake cookies, cakes, cupcakes, etc., I very much cannot make us a meal to save my life, so FH does the cooking. I'm still learning and will take that away from him because he's good for smoking out the entire downstairs of the house when he cooks lol.

As for as children goes, I grew up with my mom home until I was in middle school. I would love to be a stay at home mom or even do part time. We will have to see financially when that eventually happens.

QOTD 10.21.13

So interesting to see the different dynamics in everyone's relationships!

Re: QOTD 10.21.13

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Posted by Megglez108

So interesting to see the different dynamics in everyone's relationships!

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QOTD 10.21.13 - Long Island Weddings

I think household chores should be shared. I'm a teacher and we plan for me to still work when we have kids - but no more summer school or after school tutoring. So since I get home earlier I was going to cook most week nights and he's going to cook during the weekend. He'll wash the dishes, I'll dry. He'll mow the lawn/take out the garbage and ill vacuum and stuff.

I would just really end up resenting him and being annoyed if I had to do all of the household chores and cooking because I'm a woman and that's a traditional role. We are both going to work and even though he makes more, I'm still working so it's no fair that I do all the work at home too.