Soooooo Heres my question for today - if you had a very very close friend who knew she would be in your wedding before you even had a fh - but has developed a little bit of a prescription drug addiction.. Would you kick her out of your bridal party ?If so how what would you tell her.
Keep in mind
1 the friend knows she has a problem but will not admit to the problem or go for help even though all of her friends and family has confronted her about the issue
2 She was the maid of honor for her best friends wedding showed up as high as a kite, was not in any of the wedding Photos because she was a mess and ruined her best friends day
3 It will definitely hurt you as a bride and your relationship with your friend if she is not in the wedding anymore.
One more question.. If the bridesmaid gets the boot does she still get invited to the wedding?
Bee12
Posted:
Member since
Re: *~*~ QOTD 1/6/10*~*~ BAD BRIDESMAID???
oh no.. babygirl gets the boot from me... at $25K+... you are not ruining my day over your lil feelings.. sounds cold but im just being honest... esp since she has history of bad behavior @ another wedding...
let her go nicely.... but only thing is how and what will be said? if you decide to let her go.. of course there will be hurt feelings.....tough call..
im curious what the other girls think
FutureJOC
Posted:
Member since
Re: *~*~ QOTD 1/6/10*~*~ BAD BRIDESMAID???
I'm going to say up front, I'm about to be brutally honest.
Have you officially asked her? If not, than I would not ask her to be in the BP and if she asks why, I would tell her flat out that her refusal to seek help for a problem she clearly has (and has admitted to) is not going to ruin what's supposed to be the best day of my life. Especially since she has already proven that she can't even hold it together for her other friend's wedding. Who's to say she's going to clean up her act for yours? I wouldn't chance it. Think of all the work you are putting into planning this wedding, this once in a lifetime affair, and it's all going to come crashing down because someone who's supposed to be your friend (close enough that you would even consider asking her to be a BM) had to get her fix in before your wedding and then ruin your entire day.
I know you are worried about hurting her feelings or the aftermath of your friendship if you tell her she's not in the wedding, but think of this as a true test of your friendship. If she cannot see where you are coming from and understand how important this day is to you and that you want nothing to mess up that vision of your day, than she is obviously not as true of a friend as she seemed.
Sorry for the brutal honesty. I don't have a similar situation but not regarding a BM, it's regarding a guest.
Neeks
Posted:
Member since
Re: *~*~ QOTD 1/7/10*~*~ BAD BRIDESMAID???
Posted by FutureJOC
I'm going to say up front, I'm about to be brutally honest.
Have you officially asked her? If not, than I would not ask her to be in the BP and if she asks why, I would tell her flat out that her refusal to seek help for a problem she clearly has (and has admitted to) is not going to ruin what's supposed to be the best day of my life. Especially since she has already proven that she can't even hold it together for her other friend's wedding. Who's to say she's going to clean up her act for yours? I wouldn't chance it. Think of all the work you are putting into planning this wedding, this once in a lifetime affair, and it's all going to come crashing down because someone who's supposed to be your friend (close enough that you would even consider asking her to be a BM) had to get her fix in before your wedding and then ruin your entire day.
I know you are worried about hurting her feelings or the aftermath of your friendship if you tell her she's not in the wedding, but think of this as a true test of your friendship. If she cannot see where you are coming from and understand how important this day is to you and that you want nothing to mess up that vision of your day, than she is obviously not as true of a friend as she seemed.
Sorry for the brutal honesty. I don't have a similar situation but not regarding a BM, it's regarding a guest.
Honestly is well appreciated
I already officially asked her but this was before my other friends wedding i figured shell get her SH@# together before 2011 ughhhhh.. I have 8 bridesmaids.. all of them knew who exactly who to name before I even told them who was in the bridal party because it 5 very close friends that im with all the time, my sister and 2 cousins -also i dont want everyone in her business like heyyy what happened to her???? where is she why isnt she in the wedding anymore - I just dont want to get into it. Also if shes not in the bridal party do I still invite her to the wedding?
Kuklitsa143
Posted:
Member since
Re: *~*~ QOTD 1/7/10*~*~ BAD BRIDESMAID???
This question kind of hit home so to say. I have a younger sister (half) who lives with her father in Commack and she basically has been hanging out with the wrong crowd. She has this attitude that no one can hurt her or she can mess anyone up if need. She having issues with herself. She originality was in my bridal party from day one but after a few act and run in with the law. I told my mom, I don't need that drama in my BP. She can come to the wedding but I don't need her drama in my BP. It was hard at first to say that but your spending good money and its my day, I don't need to have that type of problem being forecast years before my wedding day. She 18, and I am hoping she turn stuff around.
I hope this helps
WeezyGirl2354
Posted:
Member since
Re: *~*~ QOTD 1/7/10*~*~ BAD BRIDESMAID???
Posted by FutureJOC
I know you are worried about hurting her feelings or the aftermath of your friendship if you tell her she's not in the wedding, but think of this as a true test of your friendship. If she cannot see where you are coming from and understand how important this day is to you and that you want nothing to mess up that vision of your day, than she is obviously not as true of a friend as she seemed.
QUOTE]
I am blessed to not have a situation like this - so I can't relate on a personal level. But whoa - I can see this being a tough one.
I do have to agree with Jessie on her points - especially the one about her being a true friend. If she doesn't get this - and makes the situation more about herself then you trying to plan a magical day, i think you see what kind of person she really is. I don't want to place judgement since I don't know this girl - but IMO at times like these, when you are on the recieving end of cr@p you have to worry about yourself first and what is best for you.
This shouldn't be an issue for you - your BM's are there to make you life easier, not more complex.
As for what the others will say - its really none of their business. You can share or not share as much info you feel comfortable - but when it comes down to it, you will have to pull rank as the bride. And that might sound all 'bridezilla' like - but you are only doing this once, so you do what you gotta do.
Good Luck!!!
FutureJOC
Posted:
Member since
Re: *~*~ QOTD 1/7/10*~*~ BAD BRIDESMAID???
Posted by Neeks
Honestly is well appreciated
I already officially asked her but this was before my other friends wedding i figured shell get her SH@# together before 2011 ughhhhh.. I have 8 bridesmaids.. all of them knew who exactly who to name before I even told them who was in the bridal party because it 5 very close friends that im with all the time, my sister and 2 cousins -also i dont want everyone in her business like heyyy what happened to her???? where is she why isnt she in the wedding anymore - I just dont want to get into it. Also if shes not in the bridal party do I still invite her to the wedding?
That's why I said the 'aftermath'... there is a possibly that after you ask her to step down from the BP, she may not even want to come to your wedding. Although a fear I would have nis, BP or not, she may do something at the wedding to ruin the day. It's a lot of things to consider. It really is a crappy situation
BellaBride27
Posted:
Member since
Re: *~*~ QOTD 1/7/10*~*~ BAD BRIDESMAID???
Posted by FutureJOC
I'm going to say up front, I'm about to be brutally honest.
Have you officially asked her? If not, than I would not ask her to be in the BP and if she asks why, I would tell her flat out that her refusal to seek help for a problem she clearly has (and has admitted to) is not going to ruin what's supposed to be the best day of my life. Especially since she has already proven that she can't even hold it together for her other friend's wedding. Who's to say she's going to clean up her act for yours? I wouldn't chance it. Think of all the work you are putting into planning this wedding, this once in a lifetime affair, and it's all going to come crashing down because someone who's supposed to be your friend (close enough that you would even consider asking her to be a BM) had to get her fix in before your wedding and then ruin your entire day.
I know you are worried about hurting her feelings or the aftermath of your friendship if you tell her she's not in the wedding, but think of this as a true test of your friendship. If she cannot see where you are coming from and understand how important this day is to you and that you want nothing to mess up that vision of your day, than she is obviously not as true of a friend as she seemed.
Sorry for the brutal honesty. I don't have a similar situation but not regarding a BM, it's regarding a guest.
Couldn't agree more..very well said
cMm2011
Posted:
Member since
Re: *~*~ QOTD 1/7/10*~*~ BAD BRIDESMAID???
I had a similar problem with a friend (who also has a drug problem) but i never asked her to be in my BP-she just assumed which was weird. She kept talking about what kind of dresses the bp should wear and talking to other friends about being in my bp. Eventually I had to confront her about it and it was not pretty. She was extremely hurt (which was not my intention) and we no longer speak. I felt bad but I cant have my day ruined because you have a problem and wont admit to it and seek help. Even though we no longer speak i believe honesty was the best way to go and if she was really a friend she would and should have understood -just my opinion
Neeks
Posted:
Member since
Re: *~*~ QOTD 1/7/10*~*~ BAD BRIDESMAID???
Posted by chrystie1585
I had a similar problem with a friend (who also has a drug problem) but i never asked her to be in my BP-she just assumed which was weird. She kept talking about what kind of dresses the bp should wear and talking to other friends about being in my bp. Eventually I had to confront her about it and it was not pretty. She was extremely hurt (which was not my intention) and we no longer speak. I felt bad but I cant have my day ruined because you have a problem and wont admit to it and seek help. Even though we no longer speak i believe honesty was the best way to go and if she was really a friend she would and should have understood -just my opinion
We are very close so she knew that I was definitely going to put her now the probelm is trying to figre out how to break it to her that she prob will no longer be part.. I def know she will be hurt because another friend of ours got married and didnt put her and she completely stopped talking to her . I was thinking of just doing everything without her.. and hopefully she'll be in her own little world as usual and not even notice it HAHAHAHA LOL Thats probably worse isnt it?
cMm2011
Posted:
Member since
Re: *~*~ QOTD 1/7/10*~*~ BAD BRIDESMAID???
Posted by Neeks
We are very close so she knew that I was definitely going to put her now the probelm is trying to figre out how to break it to her that she prob will no longer be part.. I def know she will be hurt because another friend of ours got married and didnt put her and she completely stopped talking to her . I was thinking of just doing everything without her.. and hopefully she'll be in her own little world as usual and not even notice it HAHAHAHA LOL Thats probably worse isnt it?
No i dont think thats worse-that is what i was trying to do but she made it impossible lol Hopefully your situation turns out better than mine
Bee12
Posted:
Member since
Re: *~*~ QOTD 1/7/10*~*~ BAD BRIDESMAID???
well said FutureJOC
Mrsluv2be
Posted:
Member since
Re: *~*~ QOTD 1/7/10*~*~ BAD BRIDESMAID???
Goodness I'm having a similar problem. I had two mohs but one of them got drunk and fh's bday party and disrespected fh and his bf. She only has apologized to me and refuses to apologize to fh and his friend who is also in the wedding. Needless to say I am now down to 1 moh but haven't figured out how to tell her.
Panamasweet
Posted:
Member since
Re: *~*~ QOTD 1/7/10*~*~ BAD BRIDESMAID???
Posted by Sunshine15
oh no.. babygirl gets the boot from me... at $25K+... you are not ruining my day over your lil feelings.. sounds cold but im just being honest... esp since she has history of bad behavior @ another wedding...
let her go nicely.... but only thing is how and what will be said? if you decide to let her go.. of course there will be hurt feelings.....tough call..
im curious what the other girls think
I am so with you on this one. Damn her feelings when it comes to the thousands of dollars i am spending on my day. I have already hurt peoples feelings because of this wedding for one reason or another and I honestly dont care. FH says I am to hard sometimes but this is not the time to soften up.
I would think it would be hard for you guys to be friends after this. She will be hurt and pissed all at the same time but most of all she might be embarrassed`. I would break it down to her exactly whey she is no longer in the wedding or even invited. That should make her realize her behavior is affecting those around her
monkeemunk
Posted:
Member since
Re: *~*~ QOTD 1/7/10*~*~ BAD BRIDESMAID???
i'm kind of going thru a similar sit but not a friend with a drug problm but with depression problems.... ur stuck btw a rock n a hard place but do what u think is right in your heart you dont want to regret it either way.... u AND ur fh should talk it out as well ... men can surprise you with good insight sometimes!!!
