***********QOTD 4/27/09*************

what i learned from my first long term bf was to not stay with that person just to make them happy. my ex was a genuinely nice guy, but not the one. I stayed with him a lil too long which i think made the break-up worse.

my second bf cheated on me which made my next few attempts to have a relationship fail.. i was too scared to open myself up to anyone.

even when i started dating my fh i was a lil closed off.. but we took things slow and i really learned to trust him and open up to him.. i cant believe i found someone as great as him

I agree with you on your first positive... I gave way too much to my ex and he sorta became too dependent on me. It was my fault that I spoiled him, but in reality, I just wanted the same treatment in return. I didn't know how to hold back then.

I've been hurt a lot too....cheated on a couple of times. So I am a bit cynical or was til FH. I romanticized relationships and expected movie type love....which is not reality. What we have is real and unconditional and I am happier.

Hummm let's see since ex cheated on me with his secretary and is now married and with her and her 3 children from 2 different men, I would attempt to know where FH was EVERY second of every day. It was totally smothering for him, frustrating for me and quite toxic. Slowly I got over that and realized that not all guys are the same. He had a similar thing happen to him so he was very gun shy about taking our 'friendship' to any real level.

Luckily we both grew as people and because of what has happended or in spite of what has happened in our pasts, we're very happy together today, tomorrow and always.

love this question..

my ex hurt me real bad, not physically, but emotionally. after i left him i never wanted to date agian, i thought as all guys the same idiots. it took me like 2 years to get over that. when i met fh i saw him as a guy who would love me for me and nothing else. i guys its the guys that know they look good to treat the girls like ****.

it has taken me a long time to allow myself to be vulnerable and this has affected the way i approached past relationship and this one too. (i was single and dating for a long time) but i think by the time i met FH i was ready for a great guy. i still had some walls, but mentally i was ready to allow love in and to give love in return. not sure if this makes sense to you guys. but it was just really good timing and a really great guy. everything worked out better than i could have ever anticipated!!

great question...

absolutley!!!!!!!

and for all reasons....

but i was so gaurded with FH at first bec of these reasons....at one point..i was like hmmm maybe i should just end this now before it goes any fruther and i get hurt....

i heard these christina aug lyrics on her back to basics album...and i was like omg that was what i did to fh...its our story.(kind of)...
;
used to think that happiness could only be something that happened to somebody else
Everybody believed, everybody but me, yeah yeah
And I've been hurt so many times before
That my hope was dying
So sick of trying
Everybody could see, everybody but me, yeah yeah
But then you came into my life
You opened up my softer side
And I can see into your eyes
And suddenly I realise

Chorus:

(I) I (Made you think) Made you think (You don't understand)
All the times you didn't understand
Why you couldn't just be my man
(I) I (Made you think) I made you think (You don't understand)
There were many walls you had to climb
If you really wanted to be mine
(I) I (Made you think) Made you think (You don't understand)
After all the hoops I put you through
Now I see that I'm in love with you
Now I hope you finally understand

So many tears I had to cry
But you had many more of your own you had to dry
But you stuck it out and you're here with me now, yeah yeah
And remember in the days I pushed away your love
You caught my bluff and you still stayed around
Yeah you figured me out
Said you got me down

And there's no way I'd lie to you
You know me better than I do
Baby ooh
You see me through
I'd be no good
Without you

Chorus

Bridge:

Baby won't you listen now
Can't you see just what I'm talking 'bout
Said baby won't you listen now
Can't you see just what I'm talking 'bout

Time went on
And I was wrong
To keep my distance for so long
So afraid
You wouldn't stay
But you never turned away
Yeah

Always strong
By my side
You're forever in my life
Don't you go
Coz now I know
That in you I found a home

And I can see into your eyes
And suddenly I realise

Chorus

My relationship right before FH really set a precedent for me with how I was going to act in future relationship and what I needed to be able to be with someone.

For one thing, my ex and I lived together, kind of a last-ditch effort to jump start our relationship...it wasn't a good idea. At that point I decided that I wasn't going to uproot my life and move in with another boyfriend unless I was fairly positive we were going to get married.

Also there was no way I was going to carry on a relationship with anyone who could not be completely honest and open with me...and I didn't want to be with anyone I couldn't be completely myself with.

Because of all this I gave FH my bottom lines right up front (basically in our first conversation...I'm so happy I didn't scare him away!!) and I've always been unapologetically myself, always made sure to let my feelings and opinions known, and because of that I know I'm marrying someone who loves me for who I really am.

SO....I guess I can thank my ex for that??