Hopefully we all learn from our mistakes and from others mistakes as well and all of our experiences in general and then take those lessons and change something in the future because of them.
SO QOTD IS..
*******did your past relationships dictate in one way or another how you are in your current relationship with your FH/FW? For those who only have had a relationship with your FH/FW, was there a certain way your relationship was or something you did at the beginning or your relationship that has changed now that youve learned from experience?************
So for my answer...absolutely, yes!! First thing is a positive...I used to treat my ex like I was his mother, babying him soooo much to the point that I resented him and he depended on me for everything. I learned from that and will never be someones 'mother' again. Yes, most men need us to be their second mommies in some way, lol but not that much- its just not good!!!
The relationship directly before mine with Fh affected me A LOT. The biggest thing that probally dictated how I was in my current relationship (NOT ANYMORE) was that my past boyfriend was sooo overprotective to the point of obsession and control and although i hated it and that was the main reason i broke up with him, i didnt realize at the time that, this is what i knew love as. Just like he hadnt seperated his love from the other stuff he was doing, i hadnt in turn seperated it either. So, when FH and I started dating and then got a little more serious and we fell in love, we had a lot of problems because even though I hated what my ex did to me, it hurt me that my ex wouldnt question every little thing about where i was going, who i was talking to, what i wore...i saw this as he didnt love me. It was a hard time for us and unfortunatley I had to re learn what love actually meant.
RedsBride
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
with my exes, I had much more of a temper. there was a lot more screaming and violence (on their part). i've learned never to take that sh*t from another man in my life and i've learned to control my outbursts and calm down. fh helps a lot with that too. he's taught me to be a lot more logical and think things out instead of getting emotional from the start
Lsorrent
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
Yup.
My ex hurt me bad. Real bad. Not physically, but emotionally. I had a guard up with FH for LONG time so that I wouldn't get hurt again. It caused some issues for a while, but I think he understood. He must have because I finally put my guard down and he's still here
jussie82
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
my fh is a lot more level headed and mature than my exes...not to offend anyone but alot of my exes were typical jocks or muscly types who thought more of themself than me. All I wanted was someone who treated me half as well as I treated him and FH was all that and more. He has made me a better person
jussie82
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
great question by the way!
stinenandy2010
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My answer is similar to mrssoto.....I use to do EVERYTHING for my ex, to the point where he depended on me for everything, I couldn't take it anymore. Now with FH, while I still do a lot for him, he does a lot for me, we have a happy median.
mbscheer
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
I had a much bigger temper with my exes. I think I have matured and realized now what things are important.
soontobecruz
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YES, YES, and YES!!!!! I was cheatedon by just about every a*hole I dated before FH. My first real long term BF was basically living a double life. I was with him for 3 years, and he was with another girl for 2. Well Idiot me, took him back when I found out... wouldn't ya know, he did it again.... and again.... I was young and nieve, and he would play mind games with me and tell me that I didn't trust him bc my Dad had an affair when he and my Mom were married. He was a real SICKO!!! Second guy that I was kinda on again off again with, was sneaky and smart about it. Truthfully we were never exclusive yet he would tell me he loved me and all this crap. Well it worked bc I am a dumb girl. After about 3 years of that crap when I thought we were really finally going to 'be together'... found out he was with another girl too.... doing the same thing to her.... That Jerk actually went on vacation and bought us the SAME TANK TOP as a souvenier. They are together and exclusive and good for them. I wouldn't trust him though if I were her. He would still try and hook up with me after they were offically BF/GF.... so Yeah I dated a lot of losers. I learned from them all and now I want to thank them for making me smarter bc being with my FI is the smartest thing I have ever done when it has come to men! So thanks LOSERS!
grrulz
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
i actually had 1 bf before meeting fh and the relationship was kind of boring there wasn't really a motivation there, while with fh! i look forward in seeing him every day
rocketsummer17
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
oh yes...My first relationship wasnt that great and having left my ex for Shawn was a bit of an adjustment for me...My last relationship wasnt the most healthy, but it did teach me alot about myself and how much I was really worth. I learned how to put my foot down and not tolerate unacceptable behavior. I will not be spoken to like an idiot and will not be treated like a second class citizen. I also learned that I needed to maintain my independance, who I was and what I wanted for my life. Funny story, when Shawn and I started dating, he started getting a nasty wicked attitude with me and started talking nasty to me...I turned to him and said something along the lines of 'i wont be spoken to like that, i will not be treated this way and I dont have to stay with you and be treated like that...' I said that to him and his jaw just dropped, he says 'no one has ever put me in my place like that before. no girl has ever said that to me...' Lets just say that after that moment, he never spoke to me like that again lol
T E R I
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
Yes, all my other boyfriends were always constantly around almost smothering me in a sense, so when i started seeing FH we had really weird schedules with me working/school and his working, so it only worked for us to see each other on the weekends, it was nice to have that time apart.
christine2010
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
since FH was my first & only serious relationship the things that we did in the beginning of our relationship truly dictated the rest of our life together. i was only 16 & FH was 18 when we started dated. within a few months i knew that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with FH & that i would do whatever it took to have a great relationship with him. so we would do couple things much more often then individual things with friends. it was important to both of us to have a good solid relationship to build upon. at the time most of my friends did not like the decisions that i made but i didn't care. those 'true friends' understood my reasons.
MarjorieFrank
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
I am so thankful to have had a bad relationship with an ex, it truly saved my life and made me a better person. Before, with him, I was quiet and would never stick up for myself. I lacked confidence and self-esteem. Breaking up with him was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Now, I am vocal about things I really care about, and have a lot of self esteem and confidence. After it was over with him, I relished in the fact of being single for a few years. I really think that those years helped me mature and grow into a strong woman. I was still a little self conscious, especially with my body, at first with FH but now I am not at all.
Kiki1103
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
For me, definitely, I learned so much in a previous relationship of mine (my first real one). I will admit, I used to be so clingy, I didn't know any better, I was only 18 at the time. It really hurt the relationship. I had to have long chats with my mom and she gave me advice for the next time I was in a relationship. I learned I still need to have my own life and that whoever you are in a relationship needs to have theres and that everyone needs space (including me!) once and a while. So that was for the better. I can't think of anything that would have affected my relationship with FH in a negative way because I was never really treated poorly . I will say that my relationship from the beginning with FH has improved and grown over the 4 years and that we have learned together what works for our relationship and what doesn't.
Sandradv121
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
I think FH and I know that what we want as far as our future and try to live to acheive those goals. We fight sometimes, b/c its harder than in the begining when we just rolled with the punches. 4 yrs later, we try to everything in our power to fight back and make it. I dated a lot of gooommmbas that only cared about 'roids and their bodies and going out. And rarely did they care about my goals. FH is really different that he wants me to aspire to get to my goal and help me get there.
NanandEric08
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
I think mine and FH's relationship is more mature. When I dated my ex, we were together 5 years, and it was when we first started going out to bars and I began to realize certain things. He was an obnoxious drunk and would say the cruelest things and his whole family drank alot. I began looking at his parents and his dad was the same way with his mom. It made me realize, I didn't want that kind of relationship. I put up with a lot of crap for 5 years and when I started dating FH, I was a much stronger person and knew what I wanted.
soontobemrsag
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
Absolutely - my ex was a cop and i just let him do what he wanted. Now i am independent and loving and different from when i was with the other one. & i am absolutely head over heels in love with my FH - i was more in love with the idea of the other idiot!!!
DnT2010
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i dont think my experience is so much what i 'DID' but more of what i 'DIDNT' do. i have never before in my life allowed myself to open up to another person. there was always a little but of me holding back with past relationships. i think this is mostly bc i was young and not interested in anything beyond a short term companionship. but when i met FH i was like someone completely different. he know everything about me and why i am that way. so i guess my answer would be that i never allowed anyone in before my FH. but now im glad i didnt
asg450
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
Yes my previous 'relationships' (I was a teenager, those aren't real relationships to me) did influence how I am in my relationship with FH. I would rather not go into details, but my answer is YES.
JAAMS
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Re: ***********QOTD 4/27/09*************
FH was my first 'REAL' relationship-- the other guys were just...'things' I guess lol. I TECHNICALLY had 2 other BFs, but one I was like just starting my teenage years and one was like this awkward phase of 'do we like each other' that went on for months and culminated in a half hour long relationship and making out in front of a bar full of people.
Oh and can't forget my bf from 1st grade! haha
???
Weird. I know. Anyway, what I've learned in totality is that I can be strong and independent and very loving, compassionate, and head over heels for someone all at the same time.
With other guys I would just turn to jello, and I feel like I had no sense of myself. But not with FH. I know who I am more than ever with him.
