Today's QOTD is insprired by a friend of mine...we have a friend from college who has been dating a girl for about a year and they just got engaged last weekend. My friend has been with her boyfriend for nearly 7 years and instead of being happy for the couple, she's just annoyed at her boyfriend. She said she now knows 3 couples who were dating for less than they were who are now engaged when she still is not.
So my QOTD is: Have you ever heard of an engagement and flat out not been happy for the people? What was the reason? Was there a time that people we not happy for your engagement?
I don't think I've ever not been happy for someone but I can tell from how annoyed my friend was with the couple mentioned above, she probably felt the same thing about my engagement. We were dating for less than 2 years when we got engaged so I'm sure she was upset about it too. Especially being that she mentioned she knows 3 couples whose dating time was less than hers.
BriansWifey
Posted:
Member since
Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
ive never been unhappy or annoyed at anyone when i heard somebody was engaged. i was always happy for the couple and was neveeeerrrrrrr unhappy about my engagement EVERRRR.
SoontobeMrs.Brown
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Member since
Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
No - Ive never been annoying for anyone else getting engaged. Im not trying to knock your friend or anyone else who would get mad at that situation but I think it speaks volumes about those types of people.
Im sure people can feel a little jealous, maybe slighted by their significant other. But to go as far as to actually not be happy for the other person just makes you seem like a very self absorbed, indignant person. JMO.
JennandAnthony
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Member since
Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
I was never unhappy at a couple...there were a few engagements I did not really agree with bc I knew they wouldnt last or werent right for each other (and the two of couples did split up the other couple doesnt talk to anyone anymore)
there were a few people who were mad at our engagement but that was bc they were jealous
regy_k
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Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
we dated for 6 months when we1 got engaged, but I dont think anyone wasnt happy for us, by that point everyone we know were married.
I cant say I was always extatic to hear that my friends kept getting engaged left and right when I didnt even have a bf and was totally alone, but I never felt pissed off at them, more like admirable jealousy - 'oooh I would love to have someone too..... '
ur friend should be pissed off at her bf if anything who after 7 yrs has yet to make up his mind....
little j
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Member since
Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
not 'unhappy'....but there have been cases were i am not AS HAPPY as i probably should be....or im more excited for one friend than another
some of the reasons (2 different situations/couples):
*i think my friend is too good for the person. (but, i just continue to focus on my friend and if she is happy, i am happy)
*i dont think they really understand what they are getting into (money issues that probably havent been discussed)
SoontobeMrs.Brown
Posted:
Member since
Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
ur friend should be pissed off at her bf if anything who after 7 yrs has yet to make up his mind....
And unfortunately if after 7 years he still doesnt know than maybe she needs to start rethinking what she wants out of the relationship .. Unless there are circumstances why they arent getting engaged yet (money, finishing school or any other forgiving circumstances) BUT if shes getting mad at him and feeling animosity towards other people for their happiness than she needs to reevaluate her situation. If she starts pressuring him its a recipe for disaster.
flibbertigibbet
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Member since
Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
Yeah, there was definitely a few people who had been dating like 6 months or less who got engaged when FH and I had been together like 2 years. (Not that 2 years is THAT long).
But yeah, I was definitely super pushing for us to get engaged. I felt like I had put in a lot and sacrificed a lot and had to deal with a lot being in our relationship, being away from my family, moving across the country -- that ring better be on my finger LOL.
But I wasn't never unhappy for anyone. It was probably the opposite - FH being annoyed so many people we knew were getting married. He was probably like 'People chill out or she's going to go nuts!'
... I HAVE lost a friend in the process of wedding planning though. She just lost it and started being nutso to me one day and we stopped talking. I tried to get back in touch with her about a month ago just to be like 'dude, what happened?'
Exact words: It's great that you lost all that weight and then got engaged and stuff but I don't want to hear about it.
Seriously?
And anyone on who is FB friends with me knows that I hardly ever post gushy-wedding things. It's usually more like 'LOST ahhh!' or 'Zombies!' 'Megan Fox has weird thumbs! Ahh.' etc.
AngnShaun
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Member since
Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
no never... ive seen some surprsingly short dating engagements... my brother and sister for instance... but ive never been mad that someone got engaged for any reason...
JenBill61210
Posted:
Member since
Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
sort of. i know someone who is engaged just because she is desperate to be engaged/married and the guy is a total D-bag.. makes me mad b/c she can do so much better
halfbaked
Posted:
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Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
I know several couples who recently got engaged and I feel like they are doing it 'just cause'. One in particular is marrying the guy because he's not legal here and he needs papers. They've been dating for about 6 mos. now. I just have seen so many people get married and divorced in under 2 years that it makes me a little sick. Like my cousin for instance- married a GREAT guy, I mean my cousin is a biznatch and she totally didn't deserve to find a guy like this. She refused to change faiths so he converted, she refused to move so he relocated his job and moved in with her, he literally bent over backwards for her. Her parents gave her a lavish wedding. And then they get divorced a year later because she didn't want to have kids but he did. Isn't that something you'd DISCUSS before getting married? Before getting engaged?!
On a side note, I was a BM in her wedding (and I was 19, jsut starting out on my own) I gave her $300 for her wedding which was way more than I could afford (after paying $200 for a BM dress) and DH came as my guest, acted as babysitter to all the kids at the wedding, and gave $100 separately. My cousin brought her new flavor of the month to my wedding and didn't give us a penny. She's also 8 years older than I am.
ETA: I was never mad that someone got engaged before DH and I though. Actually, no one really did. We were the first of our friends to get engaged and while I knew it was coming eventually, it was still a complete shock and I never ever once pushed for us to get engaged.
jackieee
Posted:
Member since
Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
Posted by SoontobeMrs.Brown
ur friend should be pissed off at her bf if anything who after 7 yrs has yet to make up his mind....
And unfortunately if after 7 years he still doesnt know than maybe she needs to start rethinking what she wants out of the relationship .. Unless there are circumstances why they arent getting engaged yet (money, finishing school or any other forgiving circumstances) BUT if shes getting mad at him and feeling animosity towards other people for their happiness than she needs to reevaluate her situation. If she starts pressuring him its a recipe for disaster.
ITA. this is happening with my best friend and I feel so bad for her. :( It *****, but pressuring someone isn't good either. You dont want to start your marriage like that. so tough. they have been together for like 7 years too and they live together and he has the diamond from his grandmother! it's like come on already. I feel so bad for her. I love her and she deserves the best.
To answer the OP, no I never felt angry about an engagement...when my cousin got engaged like a month before me, it was when fh had the ring. he was supposed to propose that same weekend actually but forgot it at home when we went away. haahaha i was kind of bummed...i just wanted to be engaged too hahaha but still so happy for them!
i dont think anyone was mad when we got engaged and we got engaged on our 1 year anniversary. Even my best friend I mentioned above was SOOOO happy for me and she's been waiting for her boyfriend to propose.
SoontobeMrs.Brown
Posted:
Member since
Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
Posted by jackieee
Posted by SoontobeMrs.Brown
ur friend should be pissed off at her bf if anything who after 7 yrs has yet to make up his mind....
And unfortunately if after 7 years he still doesnt know than maybe she needs to start rethinking what she wants out of the relationship .. Unless there are circumstances why they arent getting engaged yet (money, finishing school or any other forgiving circumstances) BUT if shes getting mad at him and feeling animosity towards other people for their happiness than she needs to reevaluate her situation. If she starts pressuring him its a recipe for disaster.
ITA. this is happening with my best friend and I feel so bad for her. :( It *****, but pressuring someone isn't good either. You dont want to start your marriage like that. so tough. they have been together for like 7 years too and they live together and he has the diamond from his grandmother! it's like come on already. I feel so bad for her. I love her and she deserves the best.
Aw, those situations s uck. I hope she gets what she wants soon. Does he say what his deal is? Do they talk about it?
saralee1978
Posted:
Member since
Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
I've never not been happy for the couple, I've maybe felt a bit jealous, but I would still be happy for them.
Currently, I think I have only one friend who is not happy I am engaged. She is about 5 years older than me, and I know she's probably feeling jealous and all, but she's really not there for me like my other friends are. Then again, all my other friends are married or in relationships.
jackieee
Posted:
Member since
Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
Posted by SoontobeMrs.Brown
Posted by jackieee
Posted by SoontobeMrs.Brown
ur friend should be pissed off at her bf if anything who after 7 yrs has yet to make up his mind....
And unfortunately if after 7 years he still doesnt know than maybe she needs to start rethinking what she wants out of the relationship .. Unless there are circumstances why they arent getting engaged yet (money, finishing school or any other forgiving circumstances) BUT if shes getting mad at him and feeling animosity towards other people for their happiness than she needs to reevaluate her situation. If she starts pressuring him its a recipe for disaster.
ITA. this is happening with my best friend and I feel so bad for her. :( It *****, but pressuring someone isn't good either. You dont want to start your marriage like that. so tough. they have been together for like 7 years too and they live together and he has the diamond from his grandmother! it's like come on already. I feel so bad for her. I love her and she deserves the best.
Aw, those situations s uck. I hope she gets what she wants soon. Does he say what his deal is? Do they talk about it?
They talk about it. She thinks he just doesn't think about it or doesn't want to be engaged right now...but they live together and have been together for like 7 years so w t f ?? It annoys me because I see her hurting so much. We told her to try not to pressure him anymore (she discussed it with him already a lot), and to have a time in her mind where she will say something again (Nov. this year). And she said sometimes she feels like she is just wasting her time, so by the that time she might leave...I dont know...it's sad. it' like you dont want to say im leaving if you dont propose, but you also cant sit around wasting anymore time if he doesnt know that he wants to marry you after all those years. They are 26, not 18... just sukcs!
SoontobeMrs.Brown
Posted:
Member since
Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
Posted by jackieee
Posted by SoontobeMrs.Brown
Posted by jackieee
Posted by SoontobeMrs.Brown
ur friend should be pissed off at her bf if anything who after 7 yrs has yet to make up his mind....
And unfortunately if after 7 years he still doesnt know than maybe she needs to start rethinking what she wants out of the relationship .. Unless there are circumstances why they arent getting engaged yet (money, finishing school or any other forgiving circumstances) BUT if shes getting mad at him and feeling animosity towards other people for their happiness than she needs to reevaluate her situation. If she starts pressuring him its a recipe for disaster.
ITA. this is happening with my best friend and I feel so bad for her. :( It *****, but pressuring someone isn't good either. You dont want to start your marriage like that. so tough. they have been together for like 7 years too and they live together and he has the diamond from his grandmother! it's like come on already. I feel so bad for her. I love her and she deserves the best.
Aw, those situations s uck. I hope she gets what she wants soon. Does he say what his deal is? Do they talk about it?
They talk about it. She thinks he just doesn't think about it or doesn't want to be engaged right now...but they live together and have been together for like 7 years so w t f ?? It annoys me because I see her hurting so much. We told her to try not to pressure him anymore (she discussed it with him already a lot), and to have a time in her mind where she will say something again (Nov. this year). And she said sometimes she feels like she is just wasting her time, so by the that time she might leave...I dont know...it's sad. it' like you dont want to say im leaving if you dont propose, but you also cant sit around wasting anymore time if he doesnt know that he wants to marry you after all those years. They are 26, not 18... just sukcs!
That does really ****!! Ive wasted many years on thinking the person I was with was 'the one' .. Im 34 years old and SOO happy that I finally realized after two very long relationships that I need to start looking out for me and not waiting around for some guy making empty promises (or no promises in your friends case) ..
Ugh - sorry! Hopefully he will step up and realize what he has or she will realize what shes not getting and know that she needs to not waste her time on someone who isnt reciprocating the same feelings about marriage. Good luck to her!!!
Lil OC
Posted:
Member since
Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
Yes, I actually was unhappy with my cousin!
Her brother (my other cousin) got engaged 2 yrs ago and set the date for June 2010. I got engaged a year after him and set my date for Dec 2010. She then decided she would like to get married too (3rd marriage) and set the date for this September (no engagement though, just set a date). Two months after her brother, two months before me. Talk about jumping on the bandwagon. Sorry, but she's a mess.
jackieee
Posted:
Member since
Re: **QOTD: 6/2/10**
Posted by SoontobeMrs.Brown
Posted by jackieee
Posted by SoontobeMrs.Brown
Posted by jackieee
Posted by SoontobeMrs.Brown
ur friend should be pissed off at her bf if anything who after 7 yrs has yet to make up his mind....
And unfortunately if after 7 years he still doesnt know than maybe she needs to start rethinking what she wants out of the relationship .. Unless there are circumstances why they arent getting engaged yet (money, finishing school or any other forgiving circumstances) BUT if shes getting mad at him and feeling animosity towards other people for their happiness than she needs to reevaluate her situation. If she starts pressuring him its a recipe for disaster.
ITA. this is happening with my best friend and I feel so bad for her. :( It *****, but pressuring someone isn't good either. You dont want to start your marriage like that. so tough. they have been together for like 7 years too and they live together and he has the diamond from his grandmother! it's like come on already. I feel so bad for her. I love her and she deserves the best.
Aw, those situations s uck. I hope she gets what she wants soon. Does he say what his deal is? Do they talk about it?
They talk about it. She thinks he just doesn't think about it or doesn't want to be engaged right now...but they live together and have been together for like 7 years so w t f ?? It annoys me because I see her hurting so much. We told her to try not to pressure him anymore (she discussed it with him already a lot), and to have a time in her mind where she will say something again (Nov. this year). And she said sometimes she feels like she is just wasting her time, so by the that time she might leave...I dont know...it's sad. it' like you dont want to say im leaving if you dont propose, but you also cant sit around wasting anymore time if he doesnt know that he wants to marry you after all those years. They are 26, not 18... just sukcs!
That does really ****!! Ive wasted many years on thinking the person I was with was 'the one' .. Im 34 years old and SOO happy that I finally realized after two very long relationships that I need to start looking out for me and not waiting around for some guy making empty promises (or no promises in your friends case) ..
Ugh - sorry! Hopefully he will step up and realize what he has or she will realize what shes not getting and know that she needs to not waste her time on someone who isnt reciprocating the same feelings about marriage. Good luck to her!!!
Thank you! You're so sweet. I hope the same thing!! She deserves the best! I hope he grows up and realizes what he has and gets on the same page as her.
