****QOTD: Tuesday, 8/11/09****

Good morning ladies! I hope everyone is having a wonderful day!

So, FH and I were talking last night... He needs a new car and I've been telling him for the last couple of months to think about what he wants and when we come back from our honeymoon we will get it. I just can't add another project to the top of the mountain of stuff that we have to do over the next 6 weeks. In any case, the starter on his car seems like it is going so I asked him last night if he has decided what kind of car he wants to get. His answer was the Infiniti G37... Part of me was like, yes! I love that car, the other part of me, the responsible adult part, was like, uh oh! That's a Sports Car, it's only a two door, it guzzles gas, where will we have room for car seats, etc. Ultimately, I know this is the car that he will get, I will not deprive him of it, but it got me thinking... Once you and FH are married are their certain things that you will expect him to change? For example, habits, hobbies, personality wise, what 'Toys' he can have, etc? Is it only because you plan to have kids? Does he expect you to change certain things?

For us, we want to have children very soon after we are married. However, I can't help but say to myself, we're still young!!! I know that certain habits, hobbies, etc. that we both have would be viewed as irresponsible behavior for parents. FH's passion in life is his motorcycle. How can I expect him to give that up? He has been riding for almost 15 years and truly loves it! However, it's sooo dangerous, what if we have kids and something happens to him while he is riding? Now he wants a Sports Car, he works so hard, how can I say, 'No', you have to get a 'Dad' car, lol, and not for anything, but I love the car too... I have to say, I don't know what the answer is to my own QOTD! I guess I'm kind of putting this out there because I don't know how to react or what to do... Can't wait to hear the responses from all you lovely ladies!!!

there is really nothing i will expect him to change...as far as cars, or toys (im getting him a stupid playstation 3 for wedding gift lol)
obvi when we have kids, things will change somewhat...
but ill be the one who has to get the new 4 door car! lol he has an suv and i have a little 2 door honda civic!
we both know that things will change when we have kids, but we will get to that when it happends...

the only thing we both have to change is our spending habits!! our goal is to buy a house (sometime in the near future) and altho wedding gifts will help start a good spot for a down payment, we have to save a ton too!!

This is a good one.

As a side note when my FH was lookign for a new car 6 months ago he was looking at a 2 or 4 door. Eventually as we were talking I said 'ya know, a 2 door just wont be able to fit car seats...'

He got the hint and got the 4 door :) But we did discuss it, and it was what he wanted.

I actually am ok with most everything. I love home theater and technology, so the bigger the TV and speakers the better.

I wish he would spend a little less time on the computer though.....

I am not expecting FH or I to change anything once we are married but I do think that any large pruchase we make....such as a car...needs to be 'kid friendly'. FH and I were actually discussing the car topic this past weekend. My lease is up in February and his car is def on it's way out. He wants to get a Pick-Up truck or an SUV and I am thinking of downsizing from my mid-size SUV to a Toyota Prius. I told Fh that I really don't care if he gets a Pick-Up truck...I actually like the idea of having one...but my only stipulation was that it has to be an extended cab so that a car seat could fit in the back of it. He agreed. I love the Toyota Prius. The car is sooooo big inside and has a huge trunk....plenty of room for a stroller and all other baby needs. The backseat can fit 2 carseats and still have room and I like the idea of the car being environmentally friendly.

Other than a car/truck our lifestyle is very 'kid friendly'. Of course there are 'recreational' (lol) things that FH and I do that are not responsible parental things to do so in that case we will modify our lives for kids but we also look at is kids are most important and those 'recreational' things can be enjoyed at a different time.

This QOTD feels like deja vu for me because we were driving around out East yesterday looking at houses and talking. I was saying that I'm thinking maybe we should sell my car because the payment with the insurance is a lot but that we should also sell one of his cars. He started talking about how much he likes his truck but I feel like it's an expensive piece of lawn furniture because he never ever uses it. If you want a pick up for when you need to move something, get a cheap one. We could use another $30k in the bank collecting interest rather than have it sit in the driveway. He started talking about how he feels like he's giving up things he loves (re: the recent decision to sell the boat which we also never use and will become more expensive once we move off the water and can't dock it in the front yard) and I told him he didn't have to do things he didn't want to do. But he wants a bigger house and he wants a family and I asked him who he thinks is going to have more toys, a 25 year old with a family or a 45 yr old bachelor.

I don't expect him to give anything up, or I for that matter but we do spend like complete opposites. He's very careless with his money and I'm fairly frugal. I indulge on nice things and travel whereas he gets in the 'mood to spend' and we get new hideously large plasmas, computers and other electronics and cars

I guess I've just been trying to figure out how to cut out some of the excess spending for us in general because I handle our finances. We have three cars and it seems that we need each one for a different reason but I really want to get rid of one. That and the boat is a good start for us. Within the next year we will probably be selling the house as well and moving to a bigger house hopefully because I'll gladly trade 'the view' for more square feet

EDA: He already calls my Nissan Rogue 'Chrissi's mom car' and keeps telling me how safe his pickup is and that I should drive it when I'm pregnant. I told him I can barely climb into it now & he says he'll finally put running bars on it for me if I have a bun in the oven. How considerate...

I personally cant ask DH to change a thing.....only to be more careful while he is doing his hobbies. DH has 2 motorcycles and if I asked him to get ride of them he'd probably get rid of me. I took him knowing this was a passion of his.....

I would never ask DH to get a 'DAD' car cause Im not getting a 'MOM' car. I will never drive a station wagon or a mini van......look for me on the roads cause I will be the one in my mini cooper with the car seats.

We are planning on kids in the very near furture and the only thing we plan on changing in our lives is that we will have a house.

Neither of us expect or hope the other one changes a thing!

Of course, I wish he weren't into Harleys, and he wishes I wasn't into Christian Louboutins

But we both love that about each other.

We do agree though, that once we have kids our lifestyles will change quite a bit. But we're ok with that. (Plus we aren't going to have kids so fast. I plan to stay on my BCP's until after our 1 year anniversary.)

Interesting ques....a week after FH & I got engaged, we were car shopping for me and it was so weird trying to take into consideration whether or not the trunk was big enough and if car seats would fit. I had a mini break down on my dad b/c I felt so overwhelmed and he literally looked at me and and told me I was freaking out over nothing. He suggested that I get the car I wanted w/consideration that I will (hopefully) be driving it while I'm prego so as always safety is a concern. FH totally agreed w/him and the only I bended on that I didnt want to was I got another automatic....i love driving standard!!!

As far as FH goes....he is a volly here on LI and has agreed once I get into our pregnancy he cant go running off in the middle of the night to a fire & leave me alone at home. He came up w/that on his own & really appreciated that. Thats really about it he isnt a technology buff or has any crazy spending habits so I cant really ask any more from him.

Great responses ladies!!!! Keep 'em coming! I'm glad to see that some of you have faced the same decisions and we're not the only ones thinking about these things!

Oh, and just to clarify, I would not ask FH to get rid of his motorcycle either, it's his thing, It's just that when the kiddies come he better be careful!!!!

FH is OBSESSED with his car, and he put a sport suspension on it so it rides really stiff. If you go over a bump or a pothole, you fly up, and I said it will shake the baby right out of me, so I'm really hoping that he does give up Saabrina as the main mode of transport, eventually. Still a fine car for the weekend or whatever, but we will need a nice family sedan.

I'd hope he doesn't feel the need to constantly be running off to play sports, because that's his main way of not dealing with responsibility. We have a lot of work to do on that.

I don't expect FH to change and he doesn't expect me to either. We already both live a kid-friendly existence and just went into contract on our first house, so we've been saving and sacraficing individually for years.

If he wants to indulge himself with fishing trips and sporting events, fine with me as long as I get to do my girlie things like my spa weekends with my friends!

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Posted by coldasice217

FH is OBSESSED with his car, and he put a sport suspension on it so it rides really stiff. If you go over a bump or a pothole, you fly up, and I said it will shake the baby right out of me, so I'm really hoping that he does give up Saabrina as the main mode of transport, eventually. Still a fine car for the weekend or whatever, but we will need a nice family sedan.

I'd hope he doesn't feel the need to constantly be running off to play sports, because that's his main way of not dealing with responsibility. We have a lot of work to do on that.

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Too funny, the part about shaking the baby right out of you!!! You crack me up!

FYI, the Infiniti G37 comes in a sedan. One of my BM's fiance has the G37X and it's great. So, you CAN fit car seats in it, if you wish.


My FH is a toy man, and I've known that from day one. He had a BMW Z4 for the first year of our relationship, and he once told me that he loves getting new cars every year or two. Because I know it's a big interest of his, I'd never tell him what he can and cannot buy for himself, especially since he's the one paying for it. But I did manage to talk him out of getting a Jeep Wrangler Unlimited, Rubicon, telling him that I thought the back doors were too flimsy and I'd feel unsafe putting babies back there. So he opted for a ginormous F150 Supercrew instead. The thing is like a tank. I know he gets wistful when we pass a Jeep unlimited on the road (especially those with a life and big tires, that's what he'd planned on doing), but in the end we want to have kids soon and the truck is way safer.

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Posted by twoifbysea

FYI, the Infiniti G37 comes in a sedan. One of my BM's fiance has the G37X and it's great. So, you CAN fit car seats in it, if you wish.


My FH is a toy man, and I've known that from day one. He had a BMW Z4 for the first year of our relationship, and he once told me that he loves getting new cars every year or two. Because I know it's a big interest of his, I'd never tell him what he can and cannot buy for himself, especially since he's the one paying for it. But I did manage to talk him out of getting a Jeep Wrangler Unlimited, Rubicon, telling him that I thought the back doors were too flimsy and I'd feel unsafe putting babies back there. So he opted for a ginormous F150 Supercrew instead. The thing is like a tank. I know he gets wistful when we pass a Jeep unlimited on the road (especially those with a life and big tires, that's what he'd planned on doing), but in the end we want to have kids soon and the truck is way safer.

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Yes, I tried to sell him on the 4 door sedan but to his point, why get the G37 if you can't get the sport coupe and I have to say, I agree with him, he could get any luxury sedan, he only wants the G37 because he likes the coupe... of course! Thanks though!