QOTD3/29

TJD Posted: Mar 29, 2013 08:30 AM

QOTD3/29

With our weddings right around the corner,I have a deep question. Not this this is going to happen to any of us,but. We're all so happy and in love . What do you think happens to people after there married,that makes some people get a divorce in just the fist couple of years?

I never under stand this with celebrity's and normal people either, what could change so drastically after your married, that people just walk away form a marriage ?
Sorry this was deep( last night I was watching one of those she snapped programs on tv and this woman's killed her husband after only a year, just cause she hated him.

mattandjess2013 Posted: Mar 29, 2013 08:47 AM

QOTD3/29

Honestly, I think we live in a 'throw away' society. We talked about this during pre-cana. I said divorce is not an option, unless one of two things happen - infidelity or abuse. Otherwise, you need to try to work it out. I think a lot of people today would rather give up than put the effort into something they think is 'broken.' It probably isn't broke, maybe just strained. People forget that being married isn't easy - you need to put the time and effort into it.

natalierose1085 Posted: Mar 29, 2013 08:51 AM

Re: QOTD3/29

Posted by TJD
Sorry this was deep( last night I was watching one of those she snapped programs on tv and this woman's killed her husband after only a year, just cause she hated him.

wow that is a terribly sad & f'd up story!

Well my thought is that people sometimes rush into marriage because they feel so in love, which they probably are, but maybe they are forgetting that sometimes the longer you are with someone you start to experience more life events together and you learn new ways you are or aren't compatible. Even if they aren't happening to your relationship it can still effect it, for example moving in together, stress at a job, a sickness or death of a family member, etc, and just the differences in how people cope with these life events unfortunately sometimes tear people apart.

Another theory I have is that the entire process of planning the wedding is so exciting and it's such a magical day, the lull that comes after it is maybe tough for people to deal with because they don't think they have anything to be excited about now that they are married.

natalierose1085 Posted: Mar 29, 2013 08:52 AM

Re: QOTD3/29

Posted by mattandjess2013

Honestly, I think we live in a 'throw away' society. We talked about this during pre-cana. I said divorce is not an option, unless one of two things happen - infidelity or abuse. Otherwise, you need to try to work it out. I think a lot of people today would rather give up than put the effort into something they think is 'broken.' It probably isn't broke, maybe just strained. People forget that being married isn't easy - you need to put the time and effort into it.

Good answer! This is true in a lot of aspects. No one wants to put work into anything anymore, they expect immediate gratification or they give up on it.

cupcakegal930 Posted: Mar 29, 2013 08:53 AM

QOTD3/29

Well I can answer this from firsthand experience. I dated my ex husband for 4 years of college. When we graduated we were like ok what's next. So we got engaged. I was young. I was 22 when we got married, we had nothing, no house, no money, I had just gotten my first real job and all of these issues put a huge strain on us. The thing that changed from the day we got married til the day we separated was that we grew apart and were better as friends. Not to mention that he found someone else he was romantically attracted to. So that's our reason why.
This time around its totally different. We are older, more mature and want to be together.

dmlentz Posted: Mar 29, 2013 09:17 AM

QOTD3/29

I think alot of people get caught up in the glamour of the wedding and marriage and have no idea what comes after. We prepare so long for our wedding but alot of us hardly prepare for marriage, and when something goes wrong instead of taking the time to fix it they just say screw putting the time and effort into fixing this lets just get rid of it.

rknieto Posted: Mar 29, 2013 09:21 AM

Re: QOTD3/29

Honestly I think the biggest thing is communication. Every thing kind of falls underneath that. You have to be open with your spouse, and you have to be open to discussions that you may not necessarily have, but it's important to keep the lines of communication open. You are partners for life, and everything you do, should be done as partners, like one unit.

MarryTheNight24 Posted: Mar 29, 2013 11:34 AM

QOTD3/29

I don't think people realize how much work a marriage is. I think everyone gets caught up in the whole 'fairy tale' aspect of a wedding and forget the real meaning behind it. They focus so much on planning this huge event they forget to work on their relationship. The wedding reception will come and go. Then what? Then it's reality.

fdnybride163 Posted: Mar 29, 2013 11:58 AM

QOTD3/29

It's like that quote thatbalways goes around in Facebook.

'Divorce is not a option. Your mad? Sit your a$$ down in the other room until we figure this stuff out. '

mattandjess2013 Posted: Mar 29, 2013 12:35 PM

Re: QOTD3/29

Posted by fdnybride163

It's like that quote thatbalways goes around in Facebook.

'Divorce is not a option. Your mad? Sit your a$$ down in the other room until we figure this stuff out. '

JojoBride Posted: Mar 29, 2013 12:47 PM

Re: QOTD3/29

Posted by mattandjess2013

Honestly, I think we live in a 'throw away' society. We talked about this during pre-cana. I said divorce is not an option, unless one of two things happen - infidelity or abuse. Otherwise, you need to try to work it out. I think a lot of people today would rather give up than put the effort into something they think is 'broken.' It probably isn't broke, maybe just strained. People forget that being married isn't easy - you need to put the time and effort into it.

I totally agree! People don't take marriage seriously today. People don't truly focus on the fact that those little things that bother you don't go away BUT GET WORSE...and you are naturally two different people, compromise and communication is VITAL to a healthy relationship...people laugh at me when I say this but NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY...those negative feelings root inside you and come out in your dreams...

Great question! I could go on with this one but I gotta get back to work LOL

JojoBride Posted: Mar 29, 2013 12:48 PM

Re: QOTD3/29

Posted by fdnybride163

It's like that quote thatbalways goes around in Facebook.

'Divorce is not a option. Your mad? Sit your a$$ down in the other room until we figure this stuff out. '

lauren1802 Posted: Mar 29, 2013 04:19 PM

QOTD3/29

i didnt read everyone's answers so sorry if i repeat but 1) i think people look for the easy way out 2) they get married to have a family/ do what society tells them -- before they are ready

FutureMrsM0824 Posted: Mar 30, 2013 02:15 PM

Re: QOTD3/29

I can speak from experience when I say that I don't think 'giving up' is true for everyone. Yes, some people look at divorce as a backup plan if things don't work out but not EVERYONE. I think we're being too general.

I fought for my first marriage for years. But in the end, he just wasn't the person that I thought I had married (and we had been together 6 years before saying I do). He changed and did A LOT of shady things that I just couldn't see myself living with for years to come. As we grow, its important to grow in the same direction which just isn't always possible. I was lucky enough to be young when we divorced and meet someone who is amazing. Sometimes I think that people have the right intentions when they get married but one partner (or both) just doesn't live up to their end of the bargain. And even though the other does everything they can to save it, it just isn't possible.

Don't throw stones or put others down. There are a few 2nd time brides on this site who probably did try and fight for their marriages but it just wasn't right. No one knows what's in their future. I hope you all have successful marriages but that's just not a reality. I don't go into this marriage thinking that divorce is EVER and option. I went into my first marriage the same way but SH!T happens.

Sorry for the rant! I just had very strong feelings about this.