I hope I'm not the only one, but before my FH proposed we went through such a bad time and I almost broke up w/ him. Then out of nowhere he proposed and truley shocked me. I said yes, and since then feel like everything is good between us again. Sometimes I feel like we never solved the problems we originally faced, but at the same time, everythign is wonderful now and I don't want to screw it up. I just hope I'm not making any mistakes. Am I the only one whose been through this?? Let me know! Thanks Ladies!!
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: Question about FH?
I personally have not been through this, but I know a few people who got married and then divorced a year later... I would definitely work everything out BEFORE you get married, otherwise they will just come out later, once all the excitement of the wedding winds down... JMO.
buggiegirl
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Re: Question about FH?
we actually had kind of the opposite- things were great before we got engaged and since we started planning we are both a little on edge.
i would be very careful: IMO whatever your relationship is before, that is what it will be after: a ring does not change anything. JMO
cindyandkevin
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Yea, I def agree with Lauren. If you're having these thoughts there's a good chance that he is too and the best thing is to talk it out. I don't know what you're problems were but maybe he was making trouble to throw you off so you'd be surprised when he proposed. I dunno, just a thought. That's what Chandler did to Monica on Friends, but I hear you can't really live life through TV. Let us know what's going on, hope everything works out! And you can always come back and talk to us if it doesn't. Good luck!!!
JessicaM.
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Re: Question about FH?
I went through something similar, but we worked out issues out before we agreed to start planning a wedding.
Every relationship has it's ups and downs, but then there are also in between phases were it's just sort of....there. as the years go by, it's not always exciting, it's not always fun- but you should always know what the expectations are.
You shouldn't take the risk of not making waves now to have your whole marriage capsize. For all you know, your FH could think everything is resolved...you just need to get things out in the open. Just make sure you remind him that you are happy NOW and you do love him....but you don't want to use a ring as a band aid. JMO
kellwolfe
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Re: Question about FH?
I went through something VERY similar ...We went through a VERY bad time .....and I did almost end it with him... I was totally shocked because that's the last thing I thought was coming - after all we went through cause it got UGLY!
I think that the only reason we did solve it was because he went away for a few days on business and when he came home I was still VERY upset with him and that's when he knew that I am sorry wasn't going to cut it this time
after he asked me to marry him I felt like all the little crap went away and things have been wonderful - we still have our days but I know that we have a much stronger bond now so things never get to that level!
so your not the only one!
cutiepie
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Re: Question about FH?
Thanks Ladies....I appreciate the support and Feedback. I guess I'll have to face the music at some point. I think its something we can get past, but just have to work out and face up to! I'll keep you posted!!
ps....usually I'm just a lerker, but I will post occassionally for support and updates as well as advice for my big day!! Thanks Ladies!!
ChrissynRicky
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I suggest resolving those issues now (ASAP) b/c you don't want them to rise up again.
psf80
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You definitely have to address these issues before getting married. Even though things are good now and you don't want to rock the boat, these issues will come back. They may not come back today, tomorrow, or next week - but they will come back and there's more at stake when you're married and maybe have kids. Plus, dealing with it now will give you a piece of mind. You don't want to always have in the back of your mind that these issues might resurface.
hmpena
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I agree with what everyone has posted. In order to have a strong marriage, communication is KEY. If you never talk about the problems and attempt to work on them, things will only get worse. If your relationship can survive rough times and confrontations and you are able to work on the problems, then you know your relationship will last.
Santoyle
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We all have our problems and we one way or another we try our best to work it out. My biggest problem with FH is, his communication skills blow. When he doesn't listen or respond it drives me crazy. I won't give up on resolving things until we come to some kind of conclusion,which will cause tension and sometimes a major fight, it is a unessesary battle, but when I remind him that we can't spend the rest of our lives with no communication and we need to get through our differences he'll start to listen better and we do our best to get through it all. We have more to gain then to lose, just to blow it off. If you have managed to work through your differences, then let it go and just keep it in the past.
SweetCin704
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I went through something very similar. FH & I went out for a little over a year and went ring shopping and we started planning the wedding b4 we were even engaged BUT at the time we were arguing all the time & disagreeing on everything & on opposite skeds so we never saw e/o. I felt unheard & unloved. WELL, we ended up breaking up for 7 months & actually ended up seeing other people, BUT
We ended up back together this past September and we just got engaged in March and things have been WONDERFUL. We had a lot of issues a year ago, especially with communicating and taking e/o for granted & now it seems the time apart did us good & we seemed to mature some & really appreciate e/o now.
I suggest you definitely discuss your concerns with FH and it sounds as if you are having some doubts. Perhaps you can see a priest or someone to talk out your doubts/questions.
PLEASE don't get caught up in the wedding planning and in head over heels only to have it all fall down on you a year from now (I went that route too--fm me for details).
I wish you the best of luck
Riss44
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Just a little advice.....I had been going out with someone for almost two years and he proposed. We had our issues like any normal couple does....I of course was as happy as happy can be when that ring was on my finger. Meanwhile, those issues became bigger issues and we were unable to work through what we had been facing. I ended up breaking off our engagement and realized it was the best thing for me. Granted, I was young and the timing had been wrong. Plus our communication had not been there. What I am trying to say, is if you faced problems before or are facing problems now...you seriously need to work through them because they aren't going to get any better. Communication is definitely the key in any relationship. Here I am engaged again to a wonderful guy and I have never fought with him and I'm being serious about that. We have had issues but never any major fight. We are able to talk things out and vent our feelings. If you are unable to do that without feeling your problems/issues are resolved...you are going to run into major complications. With my ex we weren't able to solve our issues and our marriage would've never worked. Seriously think about what you are doing. This isn't meant to upset you, but just be careful. You don't want to end up divorced.
Marissa 5-27-06
idovig
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I don't have this problem but seriously talk it out. FH and I have had new things happen since we got engaged and things do pop up but we talk right there. Because it will build up and then your hurt because you wanted to let things out. Chat with him. It would be best.
beautyq115
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Before we got engaged we got into fights because I thought it would NEVER EVER HAPPEN!!!! I used to pick fights with him about it all the time.
After we got engaged I went through something where I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to get married..I think it hit me what a big deal this was...you aren't jsut engaged you are getting married..soon too. And since I am child of divorce I just got very afraid..but we are working though it together.
Being engaged is just a roller coaster of emotions....its such a big step and I guess for me it signifies true adulthood which is scary
buggiegirl
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Posted by beautyq115
Before we got engaged we got into fights because I thought it would NEVER EVER HAPPEN!!!! I used to pick fights with him about it all the time.
After we got engaged I went through something where I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to get married..I think it hit me what a big deal this was...you aren't jsut engaged you are getting married..soon too. And since I am child of divorce I just got very afraid..but we are working though it together.
Being engaged is just a roller coaster of emotions....its such a big step and I guess for me it signifies true adulthood which is scary
you are so right...thank you for saying it so i know i am not the only scared one out here!
LaurenluvsTJ
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Posted by buggiegirl
Posted by beautyq115
Before we got engaged we got into fights because I thought it would NEVER EVER HAPPEN!!!! I used to pick fights with him about it all the time.
After we got engaged I went through something where I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to get married..I think it hit me what a big deal this was...you aren't jsut engaged you are getting married..soon too. And since I am child of divorce I just got very afraid..but we are working though it together.
Being engaged is just a roller coaster of emotions....its such a big step and I guess for me it signifies true adulthood which is scary
you are so right...thank you for saying it so i know i am not the only scared one out here!
I am not really scared... but getting married is really becoming a 'grown -up' and even at 27 that still feels wierd, probably more so because I still live with my parents and have never been out on my own.
RachelisEngaged
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I have been totally freaked out lately, things seem so good and I'm afraid it's going to be taken away. I also am a product of a divorce and I'm scared that he will cheat on me, so I have been weirdly jealous and suspicious lately. What I have learned to do is tell my FH that I need a little reassurance every time I feel this way and usually I relaize that my negative feelings are a result of the anxiety surrounding this new life experience.
