Question for Interfaith Brides

FH is Catholic, I am Jewish.

We are meeting with the Priest for the first time tonight, and I guess I'm just unsure of what to expect.

The latest question plagueing my mind is if during pre-cana or during the ceremony, they are going to want us to promise to raise our children Catholic. Does anyone know if they'll do that?!?!?

(we plan to teach our children about both of our religions, and let them experience both sets of traditions and cultures)

They do not make you promise- dont worry.

You should just expect the priest to get to know you a bit, get some background info from both of you.

I cant speak for all., but the priest I met with wanted to know what Parish we belong to. He also asked where we live and plan to live., etc.
Your religon, etc.

FH and I are an interfaith couple and just wanted to let you know, because I didn't know until more recently, you are going to have to do an interfaith pre-cana. I don't know if your church will just do it there and give you the schedule but i had to look up the 2007 schedule and specifically find out when we can do the interfaith pre-cana. They will bring up the topic of what you are going to raise your kids at this pre-cana, but i dont think they make you promise it. They just want to see how you two worked things out and how you are going to go about this, mostly to see how you two handle things in a relationship.

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Posted by denadewolf

You pick out your own cermony so they give you a choise of readings and you chose what you want to hear at your cermony. My readings don't have anything about that and you can choose those which most relate to you as a couple. Are you incorporting any of your jewish faith???

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Definitely incorporating alot of my Jewish faith too .... I actually was able to find the Rabbi that did my Bat Mitzvah, and he does interfaith weddings.

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Posted by Mizzdimple
He also asked where we live and plan to live., etc.

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Will they care if we already live together?!

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Posted by PreshusSmurf

Thanks Espo22! They've made it *crystal clear* that we have to go to Interfaith Pre-Cana .... since our wedding is almost 5 months away, we're probably going to the next one, whenver that is. I think they have one that's just a Friday night and then all day Saturday.

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yup i saw the same schedule. BUt don't worry, i think the way you want to raise your kids is perfectly fine and they can't make you promise anything. The fact that you two have worked something out shows that you two communicate in your relationship and find ways to work it out.

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Posted by PreshusSmurf

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Posted by Mizzdimple
He also asked where we live and plan to live., etc.

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Will they care if we already live together?!

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from what i've seen, some churches care and others don't...alot of churches are strict and others realize that times have changed.

We did NOT have to go to a special interfaith pre-Cana, and there were a few other couples there with interfaith marriages - However, all were some sort of christian denomination. This may be because FH was baptized Lutheran, which is one of the 'recognized' baptisms -- whatever that means!

We live together, but we didn't offer the information. Living together is not a reason they can refuse to marry you, but do you REALLY want to get that lecture? We gave different addresses and it just didn't come up.

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by PreshusSmurf

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Posted by Mizzdimple
He also asked where we live and plan to live., etc.

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Will they care if we already live together?!

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from what i've seen, some churches care and others don't...alot of churches are strict and others realize that times have changed.

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Will they care? YES. Will they make a big deal out of it? It depends on the church. Honestly, we didn't want to deal with the hassle, so we gave different addresses and used our cell phone numbers as our home numbers. Wasn't worth the hassle to us.

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Posted by Kara and Todd

Actually, my FH is Lutheran and I am Catholic. He did have to promise to raise our children Catholic. To be honest, it's not like they're going to check up on you or anything. If you want to get married in the Catholic church, though, he will have to sign something stating that the children will be raised Catholic.

We did NOT have to go to a special interfaith pre-Cana, but that may be because FH was baptized Lutheran, which is one of the 'recognized' baptisms -- whatever that means!

We don't plan to have kids, though, so FH wasn't too worried about saying the kids would be Catholic... To be honest, if we did have them, they'd be Catholic anyway...

We live together, but we didn't offer the information. Living together is not a reason they can refuse to marry you, but do you REALLY want to get that lecture? We gave different addresses and it just didn't come up.

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ahhh see i hate when they do things like that. How can they ask someone to promise to to raise their kids catholic. Fh's church has been great, we were able to book our ceremony without even having a meeting and being asked questions, which i see everyone else has to do. I do know his church is pretty good with these things and they realize that times have changed, but not sure if that is why we didn't have to do any of this. I kind of think that maybe its bc of FH's mom who is the head of the choir there, used to teach CCD for years, volunteers and raises money for the church, and is there every single sunday.

MAJOR CORRECTION - I totally got that wrong. That was not what he had to sign. I'm stupid. Don't listen to me! I'm going to go edit my other post!!!! SO SORRY for the confusion.

(We aren't having kids, so I wasn't really paying attention anyway...)

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Kara and Todd

Actually, my FH is Lutheran and I am Catholic. He did have to promise to raise our children Catholic. To be honest, it's not like they're going to check up on you or anything. If you want to get married in the Catholic church, though, he will have to sign something stating that the children will be raised Catholic.

We did NOT have to go to a special interfaith pre-Cana, but that may be because FH was baptized Lutheran, which is one of the 'recognized' baptisms -- whatever that means!

We don't plan to have kids, though, so FH wasn't too worried about saying the kids would be Catholic... To be honest, if we did have them, they'd be Catholic anyway...

We live together, but we didn't offer the information. Living together is not a reason they can refuse to marry you, but do you REALLY want to get that lecture? We gave different addresses and it just didn't come up.

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ahhh see i hate when they do things like that. How can they ask someone to promise to to raise their kids catholic. Fh's church has been great, we were able to book our ceremony without even having a meeting and being asked questions, which i see everyone else has to do. I do know his church is pretty good with these things and they realize that times have changed, but not sure if that is why we didn't have to do any of this. I kind of think that maybe its bc of FH's mom who is the head of the choir there, used to teach CCD for years, volunteers and raises money for the church, and is there every single sunday.

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Hey Jess!

I don't mean to worry you, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make it 10000% clear to the Priest that you will not have that as a part of your ceremony (the raising your kids Catholic part). One of my second cousin's got married last September (she is Jewish, her now-dh is Catholic), and they made it very clear to the Priest, that they were going to raise their kids with an open mind to both religions. Evidently the Priest was 'ok' with it during their meetings, but in the middle of their ceremony, in front of all our Jewish family, and the Rabbi, he sprung it on them. He basically told them during the ceremony that they must accept the teachings of Jesus and that they must raise their children the same way, or else they would be damned to hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As you can guess, we were all pretty horrified!

I'm sure the Priest that you're meeting with is a reasonable (and respectful, considerate....) individual and will not put you through that, but I would just make it completely clear how you feel beforehand!!

Good luck with everything!!!

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Posted by nycgirl79

Hey Jess!

I don't mean to worry you, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make it 10000% clear to the Priest that you will not have that as a part of your ceremony (the raising your kids Catholic part). One of my second cousin's got married last September (she is Jewish, her now-dh is Catholic), and they made it very clear to the Priest, that they were going to raise their kids with an open mind to both religions. Evidently the Priest was 'ok' with it during their meetings, but in the middle of their ceremony, in front of all our Jewish family, and the Rabbi, he sprung it on them. He basically told them during the ceremony that they must accept the teachings of Jesus and that they must raise their children the same way, or else they would be damned to hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As you can guess, we were all pretty horrified!

I'm sure the Priest that you're meeting with is a reasonable (and respectful, considerate....) individual and will not put you through that, but I would just make it completely clear how you feel beforehand!!

Good luck with everything!!!

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That's horrible!!

Most priests will NOT do that to you -- but I would definitely bring this up when you meet with the priest. You just can't be too careful!

I would also remind him before the ceremony so he doesn't forget!

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Posted by nycgirl79

in the middle of their ceremony, in front of all our Jewish family, and the Rabbi, he sprung it on them. He basically told them during the ceremony that they must accept the teachings of Jesus and that they must raise their children the same way, or else they would be damned to hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As you can guess, we were all pretty horrified!

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Hi Li!

Thanks for telling me this story!

The Priest we are meeting with is pretty well known for doing interfaith ceremonies, but I will definitely make it very clear not to include this as part of our ceremony.

I'm just gonna have to tell my Rabbi that if the Priest does this, he is to ask my FH if he promises to raise our children Jewish ... to accept the teachings of Moses or else, we would be damned and suffer ALL of the 10 plagues!!

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Posted by PreshusSmurf

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Posted by nycgirl79

in the middle of their ceremony, in front of all our Jewish family, and the Rabbi, he sprung it on them. He basically told them during the ceremony that they must accept the teachings of Jesus and that they must raise their children the same way, or else they would be damned to hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As you can guess, we were all pretty horrified!

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Hi Li!

Thanks for telling me this story!

The Priest we are meeting with is pretty well known for doing interfaith ceremonies, but I will definitely make it very clear not to include this as part of our ceremony.

I'm just gonna have to tell my Rabbi that if the Priest does this, he is to ask my FH if he promises to raise our children Jewish ... to accept the teachings of Moses or else, we would be damned and suffer ALL of the 10 plagues!!

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Oh, you're prepared!! I LOVE IT!

lol, that story is unreal!

we're just having a reverend instead of a rabbi/priest. we also want to make sure the ceremony is what we want. instead of pre-can we're taking dance or cooking classes together.