Question for mothers?

If you had lived out of state when having a baby, and your mom and dad wanted to come visit you when the baby was born, would you make them stay in a hotel.

Also would you want them to only come over for a bit each day?

Would the answer be the same if it was your MIL and FIL??

That is a loaded question, and I can't answer it in a public forum.

Could you answer it over FM? My mom is really upset, becase she wanted to help my brother and she feels like he doesn't want her help. SHe thought it would be different when she had grandkids, then what it is turning out to be. No mind you my mother is not overbearing, and she keeps her opinion to herself, unless you ask for it. I don't get it either, becaue if i was prego, I would want my mom to move in iwth me during my whole pregnancy and be there for 3 years of the babies life

I agree it's a loaded question... but I can only give my opinion for I just went through this discussion last week with my parents and in laws. Neither is happy, but you have to do what you as new parents have to do.
I told them to give my husband and I at least 2 weeks before even thinking about coming down (we are in GA. everyone is in NY). I don't know if I would be comfortable having family stay in a hotel, but we often get more than 6 people visiting at a time. If this is the case than yes I would suggest a hotel. I understand that our parents are not happy with our decision, but I also know it is the right one for us.

FM

I think it is a totally different situation for a DAUGHTER to want her parents with her post-partum, than it is for a son. And, as a new Mom who has just given birth, your SIL has every right to draw lines around whatever limits she wants. This is JMO, but I was totally open to having my Mom stay with us when Paul was born (she stayed for two weeks), but I was not very comfortable with my in-laws visiting during that early stage.

There are a lot of physical, mental and emotional adjustments taking place during those first few weeks that you just don't want ANYONE around for. Just to give you an idea....after the baby's birth, you are exhausted and sleep deprived, sore and bleeding, emotional and hormonal AND you have a newborn to learn how to care for. It sounds as though it would be easier to have help, but honestly - it's easier in some ways NOT to have too many people around. Sorry for TMI, but...*only* my Mom could be standing outside the bathroom door, offering me some comfort as I cried in pain, while trying to poop for the first time post-partum. I'm sorry, but you just DON'T want anyone else around for those moments.

Also, if a new Mom is BFing, it can be quite challenging in the early weeks, and if the Mom is not comfortable nursing with others in the room, that can pose problems as well. I know for me, I did not mind my Mom around when I was trying to nurse Paul, but it definitely made me uncomfortable to have my in-laws in the house! I had to lock myself and the baby in our spare bedroom. Plus, the added stress of having 'company' can hurt a nursing Mom's milk supply.

Tell your Mom to try to have some patience and compassion. It is not just about the baby - it is about the new Mom, too, and I think alot of people forget that b/c they are so excited to welcome the new baby. She will get to enjoy her grandchild, but IMO she also needs to respect the limitations set by her DIL.

Congrats on the new arrival!

I am one of those DILs who said NO to my MIL staying with us until I was home for 2 full weeks. I have a wonderful, non-opionated MIL who would help if I asked her for it BUT I didn't want anyone sleeping in my house when I came home. My mom and stepmom came over but only for an hour or so at a time. My MIL lives in MA and doesn't drive so I knew that would mean possibly having one of my SILs come to the house too. I made it super clear NO overnight visitors right away. I know it was hard on my in-law family and I am sure many of them had lots to say to one another but I don't care. Claud said it perfectly about nursing and being stuck in another room. When my MIL did come at 4 weeks I was in my bedroom pumping and trying to nurse all day long. It was not easy for me.
Your SIL, IMO, is not wrong for wanting some time to recover and adjust.

I just wanted to add, my mom understands but she is still a little upset, I can see it in her face, she just feels a bit deflated.

I think the biggest thing was that up until a month ago, this was not the plans, the plans were my paretns would come first and stay for a week and then the rest could come, since her mom lives in the same town as them. Ans the way he tells them, he doesn't jsut come right out and say it, he says it in strange ways, like you feel like you are not really wanted there, it is wierd. She understands but is still a bit upset, and I am no help becuase i know nothing about haveing kids.

Thanks for the answers.