Question for the Catholics...

We are getting married in a Lutheran church. FH is Catholic. Our family is not religious, but we do observe and respect certain traditions. Growing up I attended Sunday school, got confirmed, attended all sorts of cultural functions that at times contained religious components... Do we go to church every Sunday? No.

FH is not religious but values the fact that his mother is. Out of respect for her I thought it was a good idea to incorporate communion as part of the ceremony.

Now here's the dilemma...

Our congregation has a slightly different way of receiving communion than Catholics. Instead of standing, the tradition is to kneel in front of the Pastor. I feel that since we are having this ceremony in 'my church' it would be nice to observe the traditions and practices of the Lutherans. My question to Catholics is, would this be a problem? Do Catholics receive communion outside their own church and religion? If so, would it be too much to ask an exception be made for this ceremony? I can't control what the guests would do, but I would like to ask the families to participate...

Thoughts?

This is the way that i see it:
No it shouldn't be a problem, i am a Catholic and i would have no problems going up to the alter and receiving communion at your parish. I think it is wonderful and thoughtful that you are doing this for you FMIL!
BUT...since they do it different and not knowing this in advance, like some of your catholic guests, i might be hesitant to go up. EX the kneeling thing. I think it would be awkward for me but if i knew in advance that is how Lutheran's receive communion...it would be easier!

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Posted by oct.2004bride

This is the way that i see it:
No it shouldn't be a problem, i am a Catholic and i would have no problems going up to the alter and receiving communion at your parish. I think it is wonderful and thoughtful that you are doing this for you FMIL!
BUT...since they do it different and not knowing this in advance, like some of your catholic guests, i might be hesitant to go up. EX the kneeling thing. I think it would be awkward for me but if i knew in advance that is how Lutheran's receive communion...it would be easier!

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I agree..

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Posted by oct.2004bride
...the kneeling thing. I think it would be awkward for me but if i knew in advance that is how Lutheran's receive communion...it would be easier!

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the Pastor is totally flexible, he would even do it the 'Catholic way' if we want, however I personally would like to observe the Lutheran tradition since we are on “Lutheran turf”...

the Pastor would also explain to the guests what the process entails, it's really not so different but does include kneeling and staying put at the altar for a bit. the families would 'go first' so everyone could see how it worked, and then if anyone else wants to join in, they would do so afterwards...

i got into a HEATED debate with FH's BM last night about this. it turned into a respect vs. 'compromise' discussion with me flipping out in the end (after a few beverages). i have no desire to 'impose' my beliefs (or rather the Lutheran beliefs, because mine are actually somewhat different) on others, but view participation in such an event a sign of 'respect' and 'support' for the bride and groom. i just want to make sure this does not go against the Catholic tradition, because then i wouldn't do it...

this debate included other scenarios which included 'to yarmulke or not to yarmulke' when one is a non-jewish guest at a jewish ceremony...that opened up a whole other can of worms...

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Posted by m&m
Can a Catholic priest participate in the ceremony?

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i believe a Catholic priest would be able to participate but that is not part of our plan - my guess is that it would be difficult to find a Catholic priest who would be willing to preside in a Lutheran church...

Personally i think it is sooo great that you are thinking about your FMIL's feelings..I tend to agree with you about being on the Luthran tuff thing
If you were having a ceremony in a temple, would the rabbi be so compromising...nope!

Talk about it with your FMIL and FH, does it bother them to receive communion the lutheran way???

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Posted by september2004

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Posted by m&m
Can a Catholic priest participate in the ceremony?

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i believe a Catholic priest would be able to participate but that is not part of our plan - my guess is that it would be difficult to find a Catholic priest who would be willing to preside in a Lutheran church...

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I don't think they would either!!!

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Posted by oct.2004bride

Personally i think it is sooo great that you are thinking about your FMIL's feelings..I tend to agree with you about being on the Luthran tuff thing
If you were having a ceremony in a temple, would the rabbi be so compromising...nope!

Talk about it with your FMIL and FH, does it bother them to receive communion the lutheran way???

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FH doesn't mind, but we plan on asking FMIL today... FH seems to think this wouldn't be a problem, but FMIL doesn't always say what is on her mind and we need to read between the lines That's why I want to do my 'homework' before we approach her. We won't do anything she is uncomfortable with...

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Posted by september2004

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Posted by oct.2004bride

Personally i think it is sooo great that you are thinking about your FMIL's feelings..I tend to agree with you about being on the Luthran tuff thing
If you were having a ceremony in a temple, would the rabbi be so compromising...nope!

Talk about it with your FMIL and FH, does it bother them to receive communion the lutheran way???

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FH doesn't mind, but we plan on asking FMIL today... FH seems to think this wouldn't be a problem, but FMIL doesn't always say what is on her mind and we need to read between the lines That's why I want to do my 'homework' before we approach her. We won't do anything she is uncomfortable with...

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that is a great plan!
Is she a strict catholic? If not i am sure it won't be a big deal!Good Luck

This site has a list about who is able to receive and who isn't. Unfortunately, it does not seem that Catholics can go outside the Catholic Church. http://www.beliefnet.com/features/intercommunion/

However, I do remember seeing somewhere (I think on the Diocese of Rockville Centre web site) that Catholics can receive a dispensation to receive in another Christian Church. I can't find that piece now though, but I know it depends on how they define the Communion and if the other Christian church believes in Transubstantion.

My FI is Orthodox and I'm Catholic, so we've been doing a lot of research into this area too. Good luck!

I'm Catholic and I'd have no problem at all kneeling, etc. When in Rome....

What's the worst that's going to happen? Maybe it won't be considered communion in the Catholic Church's eyes, but it can't be considered a sin, right? I mean, the worst thing is that you are participating in another religion's traditions for the purpose of the marriage celebration. And that's very nice, with good intentions. I think you are being very considerate to think of your FIL's feelings.

Tell them this is how its done and they can take communion if they want to, or they don't take communion, the choice is theirs.

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Posted by m&m

You may want to check with a Catholic priest to see if Catholics are able to receive Communion in a Lutheran Church, before making the plans. My understanding is that a Catholic can only receive in a Catholic Church, even if the other Church has an open Communion tradition. Can a Catholic priest participate in the ceremony?

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I think that you are right. Im pretty sure that it would be against the 'rules' to recieve communion in a lutheran church if you are catholic.

ok..... fh and i both are catholic..... id probably go up for the communion.. fh says he wouldnt.....
i know though that catholics are allowed to receive communion from other religions yet to receive catholic communion you need to be catholic...

If you are Catholic, you cannot receive Communion outside of the Catholic Religion. Therefore, any Catholic at your wedding is not supposed to come to communion.

The difference between Catholic Communion and a Lutheran (or I believe any Christian religion other than Catholic) is that Catholics BELIEVE that it is bread/wine being turned into the body/blood of Christ, whereas in other Christian religions they believe it is a SYMBOL of Christ's body/blood.

So, IMO, you might want to think about incorporating Communion into your ceremony as it might just end up making people uncomfortable.

I thik you should ask your future MIL. Talk to her about it. I am sure she will be very happy that you asked her opinion and see what she says. Most Catholics will not recieve communion outside the Catholic Church.

Or Have your FH ask his family Priest. Maybe he can come and be at the Ceremony too.

GOOD LUCK

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Posted by VickiC

If you are Catholic, you cannot receive Communion outside of the Catholic Religion. Therefore, any Catholic at your wedding is not supposed to come to communion.

The difference between Catholic Communion and a Lutheran (or I believe any Christian religion other than Catholic) is that Catholics BELIEVE that it is bread/wine being turned into the body/blood of Christ, whereas in other Christian religions they believe it is a SYMBOL of Christ's body/blood.

So, IMO, you might want to think about incorporating Communion into your ceremony as it might just end up making people uncomfortable.

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i can't 'force' people to do anything and would never make them feel uncomfortable...

UPDATE:

FH spoke with FMIL and she has no problem with it. she actually said that this is the way Catholics used to do it back in the day...

i can't control what my guests do, but want 'buy in' from the family. as long as the immediate family is comfortable with it, it will be done. whether others elect to participate, well, that is left up to them...