Question for you ladies? LONG!

I had a little situation this weekend, and thought I'd ask you all to voice your opinion on the matter. My FH's mother and her boyfriend recently started planning a wedding in Hawaii for November. Since their family won't be with them, they want to throw a mini reception when they get back. All good. On Friday, I went shopping with my future MIL to show her my dress :-)(she got hers too)and that's when she told me that they were thinking about having the reception at OUR hall. I was so shocked, disappointed, angry and upset. How could they not even ask my FH and I to see if it was okay with us? We picked that place because it is exclusively ours - we loved it and no one we know has every gotten married there. Our wedding is not until next June, and it wouldn't have bothered me (us) if their reception was after our wedding. I spoke to my FH about it and he flipped - called his mom and asked her about it. She didn't see any wrong doing, but my FH is hurt because he doesn't feel that she considered his and our feelings. In the end, she is mad at me, saying that I should have spoken to her when she told me - she was so hurtful on the phone, that I'm even more hurt now. Honestly, I wanted to speak to my FH and let him handle it (that is, if he felt the same way I did) because it's his mother. If it was the other way around, I would have been the one to speak to my mother. So, now my FH is upset, I'm hurt, and she is angry. I just wanted to know if you all would be upset if this happened to you, or did we over-react. I think parents should consider their children's feelings before themselves.

Question for you ladies? LONG!

I too would be upset if FMIL wanted a reception at my site. Unfortunetely, its a free country and if she likes your site she can have it. Sit down and talk with her about how you feel. Tell her why you went to FH first. Then let her make her own decision. If she decides to have it at your hall - let it go. Just my opinion. Hope it helps. Let us know how it turns out!

Question for you ladies? LONG!

I think it`s understandable that you`re upset. It`s natural to want your wedding day to be a unique and outstanding memory in everyone`s mind and there may be comparisons between hers and yours but keep in mind that every event is unique in it`s own way, so for the sake of harmony, it may not be worth making an issue over. You`ve both let her know how you feel so if she keeps going forward with her plans don`t make it a big issue - your wedding will still be special. You did right by telling your FH what she had told you, and letting him handle it. Don`t let her dump her guilt trip on you - she probably knows that her son would not be happy, that`s why she told you - so you could break the news to him. The only reason she wanted her son kept out of it is because she knew he`d be mad and she didn`t want to face that so now she`s blaming you for creating the problem! Not Fair!!! The sad part about the whole thing is that she had to be hurtful. I too had a situation before my wedding where my MIL was hurtful - not intentionally, but in a thoughtless way and she kept harping on the issues over several weeks. It`s marred our relationship for me which is too bad because we had been closer in the beginning. Let your FH handle his mom - that's the way it should be.

I would be very hurt, and not happy

The only thing I can think that would make it ok is if she agrees to wait until after your wedding. You picked the place first and that's not fair. It's your special spot!!

Would she wait.

I agree with Nicole M. that would be the fair thing. If she won't remember that life sometimes throws you these situations and it is always important to remember the important things after all the glits of the wedding fades it will be you and him. Have him handle his Mom and is she is having a small wedding it will still be special for you and your FH> Good luck, Let us know the results.

Question for you ladies? LONG!

Well That's not very nice of her! I totally understand how you feel. For what its worth I thing you handled the situation perfectly by talking to your FI first. If she persists in her planning just remember Westbury Manor is beautiful, its also a big place. As long as she isn't booking the same rooms and having the same music and floral arrangements people will feel the difference immediately. It's the two of you that will make your wedding unique and special in a way that only you two can.

Thanks for the advice ....

I think they want a reception immediately upon their return - so I doubt they will wait. I don't think that they will have the reception there now knowing how we feel - more like an angry 'I won't have it there' then 'I understand your feelings and don't want to upset you - not have it there! Oh well - I know that now, my feelings towards her have changed - she has definitely put a dent in our relationship. I think primarily she is mad at me because her 'pride and joy' (my FH) was upset with her - so in the end, she is the victim in all this. At this point, I know that our wedding will still be special, even if she decides to have it at the WM. We would never force her not to have it there, we just wanted her to be aware of our feelings, but, I guess my FH and I expected more of a sincere reaction. The whole situation is unfair, cause each of us would handle it differently - I'm only a person with feelings and the way I acted was the way I felt - it's no one's fault. Actually, out of all this, my FH is the one who is the most troubled. I'll fill you in on the details - thanks all! :-)

That's very true Fran!! *NM*

:(

she probably thought it might be cute to have it at the same place as her son. you did the right thing. I have found out that anything about the wedding that needs to be discussed is: FH talks to his family, I talk to mine.

She called and apologized ...

My FH spoke to her and told her the situation, why we were upset and so on. She apologized and said she wasn't thinking about it that way. They are not having it there ... Whew! She also called me and apologized to me about the whole situation and hopes that our relationship can still be the same. Only time will tell, but I'm relieved at the outcome. I know she didn't mean it, but still the situation should never have come this far. Thanks for all the guidance, ladies!