Question of the Day! 3/13/08

Kimbalina Posted: Mar 13, 2008 07:56 AM

Question of the Day! 3/13/08

Do you have anyone in your immediate family, or maybe a couple who is very close to you and FH currently going through a divorce?

Does it make you 'worry' about your future with FH if they were a 'close' or 'tight' or even 'loving' couple?

dannisayz Posted: Mar 13, 2008 07:58 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

No, not currently. Last year one of FH's GM went through a divorce. FH was one of the GM at his wedding, so it was a bit odd for him.

rahana316 Posted: Mar 13, 2008 08:06 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

Yes. I have a friend who got married about 2 years ago. They were having communication problems from before and started going to couseling after they got married. They went to like 4 sessions and when her FH found her it was HIS problem and not hers, he didnt take it to well. They have a hard time communicating on certain things. She has a son from a previous relationship and when they fight her FH finds it ok to do it in front of the son. She doesnt like it so I guess this lead to him moving out.

I pray to God their relationship works out because she's trying so hard and she's a great person. With that being said, I get scared because of that. It's like you never know excatly how something is going to work out. You can only try so hard to make your marriage work but if the other person isn't willing to work things out, then you can't do anything.

I love my FH and I know he's the best thing that ever happened to me, but I do get scared that something might go wrong. My friend told me if anything COMMUNICATION is the most important thing in a marriage.

Kimbalina Posted: Mar 13, 2008 08:08 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

See I just found out about a possible divorce very soon with in my family and it made me think a lot about marriage last night.
Not that I am calling off my wedding or anything like that, it just made me think about even IF you believe it will be forever,,, what if you can't even make it 5 years...

ant n tilde Posted: Mar 13, 2008 08:12 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

I am proud to say that in my family and DH's family there is NO divorce. This includes siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents and grandparents. We also have no close friends who are divorced BUT most of our friends arent even married yet.

Now, if you asked if there are any that SHOULD be divorced - that would be an entirely different answer.

rahana316 Posted: Mar 13, 2008 08:13 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

Posted by Kimbalina

See I just found out about a possible divorce very soon with in my family and it made me think a lot about marriage last night.
Not that I am calling off my wedding or anything like that, it just made me think about even IF you believe it will be forever,,, what if you can't even make it 5 years...

It's normal to think like that and I do too. That's because you never know what could happen. People say that the only reason they would leave their significant other is if they cheated on them. That's not the case. There might be other reasons you know like they're just not happy or whatever it may be.

You should talk to your FH about it and get his opinion. Does he worry about things like that to??

ant n tilde Posted: Mar 13, 2008 08:20 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

I understand what you are saying though. In my head I am thinking of three couples in both of our families and I just don't know how they got from the wedding day to this point. Just total personality changes, relationship changes - it scares us so much BUT one good thing is that we talk about it and talk about how we don't want to be like them.

Maybe you can turn it around and talk to FH about how much it scares you and what it makes you think about.

gabbie83 Posted: Mar 13, 2008 08:23 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

no one in my family is going through it right now- but my aunt and uncle divorced about 10 yrs ago - and FH mom had 3 unsuccessful marriages/relationshiops which scares the living you know what out of me

Shelly9697 Posted: Mar 13, 2008 08:27 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

Not at this time but I am constantly hearing complaints and wait till you get married it's not all its cracked up to be, etc. I GET SO MAD!!! It's like let me enjoy my happiness!! W T F???

Kimbalina Posted: Mar 13, 2008 08:38 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

It is not that I am scared of marriage or anything like that. I know that FH has concerns about divorce his parents were divorced in the past.

I am just wondering how does that happen so quickly!?! 5 years per se is not a long time in the life of a marriage. From going from a great relationship of happiness and bliss to turmoil and awful relationship

bella1028 Posted: Mar 13, 2008 08:39 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

no thankfully

bluekat16 Posted: Mar 13, 2008 08:40 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

Not currently. The only divorce that happened in my family was my brothers divorce and that was years ago. Honestly, I think that's why I really took my time and ultimately found FH. I thought that if i didn't find that person that I felt was for me I wouldn't get married. That was after seeing everything that my brother has been through in his divorce and with child custody issues.

soon2bmrsconnolly Posted: Mar 13, 2008 08:42 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

FH's parents have been separated for about 12 years. His dad planned his wedding to be 6 weeks before us, is having his fiances son be his best man instead of one of his own 3, and sent the invitations to FMIL's house instead of our own houses- and didn't invite her. His dad's family axed FH and FMIL and FBIL's after the seperation. It's causing a lot of drama-

On that note- I don't worry about my future with him because we are our own people. He's not more like either side of his family- he has the best qualities of both (plus some annoying ones lol)

SparkyandAng Posted: Mar 13, 2008 08:45 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

Ugggh I just typed this whole big thing and had a network error. Sorry can't retype it all.

Bottom line...do not currently know of anyone getting divorced, but do know of many that have been.

Kimbalina Posted: Mar 13, 2008 08:54 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

Thank you for responding ladies.
Divorce seems (FOR SOME) not a big deal. I guess because there has been so much of it in our (FH and I) families I dont want it to see like it is not. Either does he thankfully

MrsK2008 Posted: Mar 13, 2008 08:58 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

we have friends, whose wedding we attended a few years ago, who are struggling to make their marriage work.

FH and I see them struggling to be themselves as individuals but not putting forth the effort it takes to be a couple.

We aren't worried about or relationship based on those around us.

However, we often wonder why people who are in long term relationships or marriages don't take a more proactive approach to their own relationships.

ant n tilde Posted: Mar 13, 2008 09:09 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

Posted by Kimbalina

It is not that I am scared of marriage or anything like that. I know that FH has concerns about divorce his parents were divorced in the past.

I am just wondering how does that happen so quickly!?! 5 years per se is not a long time in the life of a marriage. From going from a great relationship of happiness and bliss to turmoil and awful relationship

i totally understand what you are saying - it is so scary!

JeanetteandSteve Posted: Mar 13, 2008 09:13 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

not for us...so far so good w all the couples we know. all of them either have kids already or are pregnant. so hopefully none of them will end up in that boat!!

but i've always been worried about this. my parents are divorced and growing up almost every one of my friends' parents were too...i didn't think i wanted to get married for a long time. which is probably why FH and i dated on and off for 8 years before i finally said i would want to get married. i just didn't know if a relationship could really last for so long...but i finally realized it can w the right person.

jerrys girl Posted: Mar 13, 2008 09:19 AM

Re: Question of the Day! 3/13/08

in our immediate families there is no divorce, but 2 of my uncles have been divorced. fh has been in 3 weddings for his friends in the past couple of years and 2 of them have divorced or are in separation. one was divorced within 6 months. At the third wedding there was talk that was the most unstable wedding, so they would be divorced but so far nothing. I know another couple that has been married 20 years going through divorce and another couple married 4, dating 3 years that is going thorugh a divorce. so you just never know.