Question of the Day! 3/13/08

i have seen a lot of divorce in my family - my parents when i was 5, my dad's second wife was a divorcee, his current wife (his 2nd wife passed away - they were very happy for 16 years!) is also a divorcee, my step sister divorced her husband after 15 years of marriage.

because of this, i always said i would never get married. i maintained this way of thinking until i met DH. i do not take marriage lightly, but there was no doubt in my mind or heart that i'm meant to be with this person, that we could make a lifetime commitment to each other, and have it last. i also hear it from the people we're closest friends with - if there's any couple who will make it, it's DH and I, and i love hearing that.

that all being said, seeing divorce, people cheating on each other, staying in bad marriages, has not deterred me from getting married because i believe what we have will last for all of our days. too many of these other relationships i've seen never had that, yet that still got married because they felt it was just the next step to take, or they wanted a big wedding, so that's why they're divorced or very miserably married now. at least 3 different times when we've been out to dinner, we've had elderly couples randomly come up to us and wish us to be as happy as they've been for their 40, 50 & 60 years of marriage, and it warms my heart that complete strangers can see what we have, and be happy for us.

---

Posted by teenigrrl

i have seen a lot of divorce in my family - my parents when i was 5, my dad's second wife was a divorcee, his current wife (his 2nd wife passed away - they were very happy for 16 years!) is also a divorcee, my step sister divorced her husband after 15 years of marriage.

because of this, i always said i would never get married. i maintained this way of thinking until i met DH. i do not take marriage lightly, but there was no doubt in my mind or heart that i'm meant to be with this person, that we could make a lifetime commitment to each other, and have it last. i also hear it from the people we're closest friends with - if there's any couple who will make it, it's DH and I, and i love hearing that.

that all being said, seeing divorce, people cheating on each other, staying in bad marriages, has not deterred me from getting married because i believe what we have will last for all of our days. too many of these other relationships i've seen never had that, yet that still got married because they felt it was just the next step to take, or they wanted a big wedding, so that's why they're divorced or very miserably married now. at least 3 different times when we've been out to dinner, we've had elderly couples randomly come up to us and wish us to be as happy as they've been for their 40, 50 & 60 years of marriage, and it warms my heart that complete strangers can see what we have, and be happy for us.

---

Well said, Tina. There needs to be a happy cry face on here because you brought tears to my eyes.

I don't have anyone in my family divorced, and neither does FH. That feels good to me. But, I do worry sometimes about some things - differences we have and of course communication, which I am BIG on and FH, not so much, but getting better. He just hates to talk about things that are bad or stressful - but sometimes, you have to. And he is getting better. But I do worry about the future a bit - but I do feel that our love supercedes these things and that we will and are already finding a way to work through it.

both FH and I come from divorced parents. And my aunts and uncles on my mothers side are all divorced.

my brother and i have expressed the same views.(my bro got married 3 years ago). we plan to break this cycle. that NO MATTER WHAT we will work at our marriages. to not abandon ship when it gets hard.

i know that divorce sometimes is the best option (as it was for my parents) but i believe that when i make my vows, i will keep them for life

---

Posted by teenigrrl
that all being said, seeing divorce, people cheating on each other, staying in bad marriages, has not deterred me from getting married because i believe what we have will last for all of our days. too many of these other relationships i've seen never had that, yet that still got married because they felt it was just the next step to take, or they wanted a big wedding, so that's why they're divorced or very miserably married now. at least 3 different times when we've been out to dinner, we've had elderly couples randomly come up to us and wish us to be as happy as they've been for their 40, 50 & 60 years of marriage, and it warms my heart that complete strangers can see what we have, and be happy for us.

---

I totally agree with you. It is just strange when people so close to you 'don't make it'.
I love when I see couples with 40+ years of marriage under their belts.

Here is what FH just emailed me about another family divorce-



'It *****. But what can you do. Thats Life. The only thing we can do is learn from the mistakes people in our families have made. and Make sure that we live our lives on our own terms and be true about who we are forever and then some to each other. '





I love him

FH has a lot of divorce in his family, but they are all extreme situations. On my dad's side there is no divorce and on my mom's side 2 of my cousin's were divorced.

To answer the original question, I have a very good friend going through a very nasty divorce and custody battle. I am not friendly with her husband so he means nothing to me. Neither of them were angels (and I'm not speaking about infidelity) but she is my friend and I'm standing by her side.

I think when it comes down to it. Most of the time you have to pick a side. Especially with friends.

Glad we sparked up some conversations today!