questioning my sanity (a bit long) UPDATE AT BOTTOM

i just 'had words' with dh!

his sister whose husband messed up a good part of my wedding, who didn't give us a wedding gift, and who today did not invite my son to her daughter's birthday is someone i want nothing to do with!!!

how dare he ask me to 'swallow my pride' and act like nothing happened!!!!

i told him that NO ONE has bothered to apologize to me for all the crap i've been put through and they keep insulting me.

dh, then said that i'm making him choose between his relationship with his sister and me. so i told him that no one is thinking about my feelings and if his relationship with his sister is so important, that i am willing to get an annulment (sp) so that he doesn't have to decide.

during all of this, he just kept talking about how he just wants things to go back to how they used to be. i told him that his sister and her husband are the ones who changed things, not me.

dh just walked away and is in the bedroom watching tv.

am i crazy!!!????? am i the only one who would be insulted by all of this??

mind you, i'm the ONLY one who would buy this entire family bday and xmas presents during all the time we were dating.

No you are not crazy, I'd be very PO'd too. You are right and your DH is way off!!!!! He should be backing you up and not his sister. He should be putting you first before anyone in his family. I'm sorry but DH needs to step up and be a man. If he doesn't he's going to lose the best thing that has ever happened to him!!!!

it just breaks my heart. how is it that he does not see that i'm not the problem here?

i don't even know what to say, i'm so sorry

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Posted by libby2595

mind you, i'm the ONLY one who would buy this entire family bday and xmas presents during all the time we were dating.

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I don't know the story regarding the wedding gift, but you should have known that they are not gift givers. what made you think they would have changed.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this! It is my belief that the relationship between you and your husband is primary! Everything and everyone else is secondary. You are each others family, and you deserve no less than number one. It is not so much about choosing between you and his family, what he should do is set boundaries with his sister. I know if my sister in laws husband was a menace at my wedding and the if my kid was not invited to his/her cousin party, I would certainly be insulted. You are feeling just the way any woman would in your situation. There is no question of choice when it comes to a good, loving spouse. You are number 1.

It was very important to me that the man I married agreed that once we are engaged, we are number one in eachother's lives. Communication is very important. I hope and pray that all works out with you and your hubby.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this! I hope things get better!

IGNOREEEE THEM....dont let them get in between your marriage and your husband... their the 3rd wheel and u dont need that!

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Posted by luvabul

IGNOREEEE THEM....dont let them get in between your marriage and your husband... their the 3rd wheel and u dont need that!

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i know that they aren't worth ANYTHING. i had just decided to make a one-sentence statement to dh about how i felt. and then i told him that i was 'dropping it' because i didn't want to beat a dead horse.

he's the one who then started talking about how all this stress is making him upset and how he just wants things to be the way they used to be.

this is where i defended myself (still trying to keep an even tone in my voice, to not start a fight) and i told him that there is no way that i can put it in the past if they keep doing stuff to me. i have him an example that if i had been continuously physically assalted, would he ask me to apologize?

after a few minutes, he went to bed. this morning, we've only shared two words.

This *****, I'm sorry you're going thru this but he needs to realize than in marrying you, his priorities shift... you become his first priority and his sister and other family members become second. I think this is an issue that needs resolving because clearly it will weigh on your relationship (only because you DH will let it). Hang in there, you'll get thru this.... it's just a minor bump in the road.

That is total crap. I really have no words of advice for you but my blood was boiling just reading that b/c I can soooo identify.

So sorry you're going through this.

You have every right to be insulted and hurt AND pissed. However, I am going to come from a different angle. I also understand where DH is coming from. He is feeling like he's in the middle of things and this is his sister. I feel bad because he thinks he has to choose. Maybe try letting him know that he doesn't have to choose betweeen both of you. It's not a matter of that. It's a matter of him seeing that you are hurt and that you want no part of it. I don't think him asking you to swallow your pride is good. Keep your foot down on that respect, but also let him know that you understand how he feels. jmo2 cents. Hope it helps and that things get better.

Good luck to you.

after a late breakfast, dh and i continued our talk. he said that he had to take last night to think about things.

we talked calmly and respectfully and we both came to an agreement: his sister is being a BIT childish and she is 'siding' with her husband and his stupidity.

dh also told me that he did, 100% agree with my feelings.

finally, we both walked away learning something. dh learned more about my feelings and i learned that when dh walks away from an 'argument' it's because he needs time to sort things out in his head. we agreed that he'll let me vent and that i'll give him time to sort things out.

ladies, thank you so much for all of your replies and for letting me know that i was not going crazy.

I'm so glad that everything worked out with you and DH. We are here anytime you need to vent about anything.You are very welcome!!!!!!!