so we've gotten our first RSVP back where the invited party decided that they needed to add two more people (four invited originally with a handwritten 6 returned to us). Deep Breath. FH calls his mom and asks her to call the family to see who it was that they added, you know in case someone got married in the 2 weeks the invites have been out, and remind them that only the names on the envelope were invited cause of our 'small' wedding.
okay, nothing too crazy right? But she says she doesnt want to. okay, kinda crazy. And then asks if persons x y and z dont go, why does it matter if someone extra is invited? okay, still kinda crazy. 'Besides I feel like we didnt get to invite anyone.' and there you go, she's living in crazy town!
I fought hard with my parents to try to tell them that the room sits 130 but accomodates 150 and that we shouldnt keep adding people so my parents kinda pulled back. We showed his parents the guest list several times and they were all 'whatever.' My FH brought up to his mom that she and his dad were inviting a significant number MORE people than my own parents so if we were to add anyone it might be my mom's friend, not a cousin-we've-never-met's girlfriend.
exasperation - what do I do???
hyphenbride
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
I would call them and simply tell them that their invitation was for four people and you cannot accomodate anyone whose name is not on the invitation. Nothing more, nothing less. If they ask why, just say you can't (if you offer an excuse people feel like you are giving an invitation to argue). Don't be unnecessarily harsh--some people are ignorant about wedding etiquette.
Actually, my fiance almost brought me to a wedding where I was invited--he seriously thought the '______ guests are attending' meant you could put any number you want! If I hadn't seen the invitation, I probably would have gone and been unwelcome!
Good luck!
missliss
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
Posted by hyphenbride
I would call them and simply tell them that their invitation was for four people and you cannot accomodate anyone whose name is not on the invitation. Nothing more, nothing less. If they ask why, just say you can't (if you offer an excuse people feel like you are giving an invitation to argue). Don't be unnecessarily harsh--some people are ignorant about wedding etiquette.
Actually, my fiance almost brought me to a wedding where I was invited--he seriously thought the '______ guests are attending' meant you could put any number you want! If I hadn't seen the invitation, I probably would have gone and been unwelcome!
Good luck!
Ditto, what she said.
ratherbealeper
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
thanks, tis is invariably what has to be done but some of the problem lies with the in-laws as they dont understand why if 10 people say No why they cant invite 10 more. (not to mention not understanding why flying in the afternoon of the rehearsal dinner might be a bad idea despite the fact that the hotel is out east and they need to get tuxes fitted etc.)
i guess theres nothing i can do besides deal with the guests directly
MissAngel
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
Ha! We just had that conversation with my FH's younger brother...he can't fathom why, when we've gotten 23 Nos so far, we don't want to invite 8 of HIS friends 'now that we have room.' In our case we calmly explained to him that while we invited 250, we've been budgeting for 200 and 175 would be our DREAM (lol) and that each person he adds will cost us 1) the plate 2) tax, tips & fees 3) a favor etc etc and that EACH person he adds will in fact cost us an additional $200 (yep - a bit inflated, but he doesn't know any better) and that since neither he nor his parents are helping us pay for these people and it's VERY unlikely we'll 'make that back' in a gift, there's no way they're being invited. Period. Once we explained it in terms of inconveniance and $$$$ it seemed to sink in...perhaps a similar approach would help you out?
MissAngel
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
Posted by hyphenbride
Actually, my fiance almost brought me to a wedding where I was invited--he seriously thought the '______ guests are attending' meant you could put any number you want! If I hadn't seen the invitation, I probably would have gone and been unwelcome!
Toooo funny!
CNC4eva3402
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
Posted by MissAngel
Ha! We just had that conversation with my FH's younger brother...he can't fathom why, when we've gotten 23 Nos so far, we don't want to invite 8 of HIS friends 'now that we have room.' In our case we calmly explained to him that while we invited 250, we've been budgeting for 200 and 175 would be our DREAM (lol) and that each person he adds will cost us 1) the plate 2) tax, tips & fees 3) a favor etc etc and that EACH person he adds will in fact cost us an additional $200 (yep - a bit inflated, but he doesn't know any better) and that since neither he nor his parents are helping us pay for these people and it's VERY unlikely we'll 'make that back' in a gift, there's no way they're being invited. Period. Once we explained it in terms of inconveniance and $$$$ it seemed to sink in...perhaps a similar approach would help you out?
Thats a pretty good idea...
Another thing you can tell them is you can't invite a second-cousin (just as an example) from one side and not the other...you don't want to hurt anyones feelings that may find out ..and that you have already invited everyone you wanted to invite..your not just inviting people who have no other plans that nite!
jtgarsik
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
Posted by hyphenbride
I would call them and simply tell them that their invitation was for four people and you cannot accomodate anyone whose name is not on the invitation. Nothing more, nothing less. If they ask why, just say you can't (if you offer an excuse people feel like you are giving an invitation to argue). Don't be unnecessarily harsh--some people are ignorant about wedding etiquette.
Actually, my fiance almost brought me to a wedding where I was invited--he seriously thought the '______ guests are attending' meant you could put any number you want! If I hadn't seen the invitation, I probably would have gone and been unwelcome!
Good luck!
well said. just call and simply say u're sorry but the invitation was only for the names that were addressed. I had a friend of my DH add on a guest...and the best part IT WAS HER FRIEND! NOT EVEN A DATE!!!!!!!! lol some people just dont realize. just talk to them simple & nicely. the less of a deal u make it, the less of a deal it will be. good luck!
jtgarsik
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
Posted by CNC4eva3402 Another thing you can tell them is you can't invite a second-cousin (just as an example) from one side and not the other...you don't want to hurt anyones feelings that may find out ..
YUPPERS! and it's the truth..people WILL be offended!
MissAngel
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
Posted by jtgarsik some people just dont realize. just talk to them simple & nicely. the less of a deal u make it, the less of a deal it will be. good luck!
Yes, as for the people that added guests, I agree with the OP on that - talk to them nicely & make it simple/no big deal. I'm assuming that these guests are your FH's family, so perhaps you can coax him into making the call if you're not comfortable with it. It's prob better that way anyways...If you're like me & my FH, I'd feel guilty, maybe give in, make it a long call...but my FH would make it quick, simple and painless
Good luck!!
ratherbealeper
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
i wont be calling... its the fact that his mother , who is 'co-hosting' the wedding (not really) just doesnt understand why they cant come. Its the 'i invited no one!'s that are starting to stress out as I cant say anything back!
thanks for all the great advice though girls, definitely will be making a few phonecalls today!!
Mizzdimple
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
this is touchy b/c honestly i know people who do this and truly think its acceptable. If you really have a problem with it I think you should just call them yourselves.
If you can let it slide, let it slide.
TrueLoveIn2008
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
Wow. How some people think this is ok to do I'll never understand. Good luck and please let us know how it turns out - some of us may be facing the same situation soon and would love some input!
autumnbride10
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
What about just having FH's mom tell them that you are at the maximum capacity for the RH, and that they cannot accomodate more than X amount? Just an idea....
PeteysBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
Posted by hyphenbride
I would call them and simply tell them that their invitation was for four people and you cannot accomodate anyone whose name is not on the invitation. Nothing more, nothing less. If they ask why, just say you can't (if you offer an excuse people feel like you are giving an invitation to argue). Don't be unnecessarily harsh--some people are ignorant about wedding etiquette.
Actually, my fiance almost brought me to a wedding where I was invited--he seriously thought the '______ guests are attending' meant you could put any number you want! If I hadn't seen the invitation, I probably would have gone and been unwelcome!
Good luck!
Yep. This SAME THING happened to us. We had my dads relatives who are all a bunch of jerks anyway, CROSS OUT the number invited and they each added like 4 people apiece. My dad was supposed to call but didn't want to so it was either do it myself or have to drop people I WANTED there to accomodate them. SO Iwas the #$%^& and called. I got their numbers and politely but firmly said, 'Hi so and so. We are so glad you are going to be coming to the wedding. Unfortunately we noticed that you added so and so and so and so and unfortunately, they cannot come. We had to keep it small because our room only holds 120 and so though we would LOVE to have ALL our family there, we could only invite the aunts.uncles whomever. Thank you for being understanding.'
Reiterate that it is a room thing even if it isn't. They cannot argue with you if you say the room is too small to accomodate more than you anticipated. We also through in thta we are paying for the wedding ourselves and that was why we chose a small room. It was for monetary necessity, not to isolate anyone.
I had one person get nasty and say well if they didn't come she wouldn't (she invited SIX more people!!) and I clucked my toungue, slounded sympathtic and saud 'I am sorry to hear you feel that way but i totally respect your decision as does Pete. take care.' Then i hung up.
DO NOT let them push you around because it will escalate. We allowed one person to bring a kid when we said no kids and then suddenly we're getting calls left and right. You have to hold your ground and if they think you're a %$^&, screw em. You KNOW they're tacky so it shouldn't matter to you what their opinion is. End of story. Hope it works out.
danniegirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
I just dont get people - the nerve! I have a million people calling and asking me if I am offering baby sitting services at my wedding and can they bring their kids!
I would def call them or have your FH call
ratherbealeper
Posted:
Member since
Re: RANT: feel like a b*tch but what should I do?
you guys are really great.
The FH's mom said she would call (despite the fact that she is rallying for all invited guests to bring boyfriends and girlfriends etc). so I guess I will be patient and see what she says.
