RD Question (and maybe rant)

BNBride60 Posted: Jan 20, 2008 07:03 PM

RD Question (and maybe rant)

Regardless of who pays for the RD, who has a say in where the RD is? My FILs are paying for it, not because we cannot, but because they are demanding to pay for it for the reason that: 'this is the only part of the wedding that people will think we paid for.' Tonight at dinner they told us they are in control of the dinner and they are picking the location and that we have no input whatsoever. And they told us the place and it's not even near the church, nor a place FH and I like.

Is it normal that the grooms' parents forbid the bride and groom from having any input?

ETA: A lot of this is the way they chose to tell us. I feel like crying right now, I feel like it was brinking on nasty and a lot of it has to do with the fact that FMIL has no daughters and she is a control freak and hasn't been able to exercise decision making power thus far.

Mrs. V 2008 Posted: Jan 20, 2008 07:04 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

no i think you should have a say in it also..maybe talk to them about places you like..

Jumbles Posted: Jan 20, 2008 07:06 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

i would talk to them about it i dont think that because someone is paying for a part of the wedding they should have complete control ..they should have some input but not total control

BNBride60 Posted: Jan 20, 2008 07:06 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

Posted by Bride 2 Be

no i think you should have a say in it also..maybe talk to them about places you like..

I tried, they said no we're having it here. I don't know why it's upsetting me so much, but I feel like they are sticking it to me some how.

I Love my bear Posted: Jan 20, 2008 07:11 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

You should have a say in it, your family is attending too rt? When is it?
If it's the night before it should be a location that's convenient for everyone. With that said, I know that's probably impossible, but it should at least be close to the church. The RD is just to get together after the rehearsal so they shouldn' t make such a production of it. It should be low-key and just a nice get together before the big day.

I Love my bear Posted: Jan 20, 2008 07:14 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

They shouldn't think of the RD as a chance to show up the wedding.

chrispar Posted: Jan 20, 2008 07:19 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

Oh I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. I would be upset too. I absolutely feel as of you should have a say in this. It's not right that they are taking control of it. It is nice that they are offereing to pay for it but on the other hand they shouldn't feel that just because they are paying they can do whatever they want

hyphenbride Posted: Jan 20, 2008 07:22 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

The only way to get some people from holding something they're paying for over your heads is to pay for it yourself. I know that's blunt and sad...but from what you said, it may be the only option.

I would suggest having FH talk to his parents...maybe his dad first and seeing if he could work a compromise out. I'd suggest waiting a few days before saying something.

Sorry I couldn't be too helpful and I hope your FMIL will come around.

hyphenbride Posted: Jan 20, 2008 07:24 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

Oh and that's not to say that I don't think she should work with you to find something that you and FH would love. I do. But I also think sometimes people refuse to compromise, especially when they think they don't have to because they're controlling the purse strings.

NC1011 Posted: Jan 20, 2008 07:25 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

Sounds to me that they could have taken a much nicer approach (based on the way you put it). Just because they are paying does not mean that you guys should have no say.

heathermatt Posted: Jan 20, 2008 07:26 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

Well I totally agree that they should pay for it and that you should pick the place...

It should be close to the church and since the day is a celebration of you and your FH, the restaurant should reflect your taste....

Espo22 Posted: Jan 20, 2008 07:30 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

I think you DEFINITELY should have a say in it...its wrong the way they are handling this. FH and i talked about this and both agreed that the restaurant we want would be a great choice and we like it bc its the restaurant where he asked me out. I like that its a place we love and has meaning.

HOnestly if i were in your situation i would be very upset too

BNBride60 Posted: Jan 20, 2008 07:40 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

I am glad to know that I am not insane. I am literally choking back tears - we are still here and I want to leave now more than anything.

sassygirl9 Posted: Jan 20, 2008 07:43 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

def. fh should talk to them, if they don't budge, then both of you say, thank you, but we decided due to hectic schedule and distance of the place for everyone, we've decided not to have one...maybe invite your bm's and gm's to your place a week before and call it a day
JMO

BNBride60 Posted: Jan 20, 2008 07:44 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

Posted by sassygirl9

def. fh should talk to them, if they don't budge, then both of you say, thank you, but we decided due to hectic schedule and distance of the place for everyone, we've decided not to have one...maybe invite your bm's and gm's to your place a week before and call it a day

I would so beyond love to do that, but I don't think I can verbalize the total MELTDOWN that FMIL would have. She is obsessed with the fact that this is her thing.

msflesch Posted: Jan 20, 2008 08:12 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

I think you should have a say and a nice chat with FMIL

BNBride60 Posted: Jan 20, 2008 08:49 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

Posted by msflesch

I think you should have a say and a nice chat with FMIL

Ugh I just had a nice chat with FH and now I am literally having a nervous breakdown. Although he is fine to talk to her about it, he totally doesn't understand why I think it is a big deal. He's like 'it's negotiable' even though he simultaneously admits that she said it wasn't! Apparently I don't know how to 'read' her. Hopefully it really is negotiable, but even if it's not, her f-ing attitude is what has me this upset. The rehearsal dinner to her is about her being in control and not about us celebrating before our wedding.

Mici n KC Posted: Jan 20, 2008 08:53 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

Is there a way you can just talk to them and say you are so appreciative of their generosity but considering the distance of the place and the church is there somewhere else you can pick? Let them know they are 'still in charge' but they just need to find some place else and just explain it's not convenient to anyone.

MrsK2008 Posted: Jan 20, 2008 09:04 PM

Re: RD Question (and maybe rant)

Posted by JB1122

Posted by Bride 2 Be

no i think you should have a say in it also..maybe talk to them about places you like..

I tried, they said no we're having it here. I don't know why it's upsetting me so much, but I feel like they are sticking it to me some how.

It's upsetting you because it is your wedding.......you have the right to be upset.
It may not be effective for you or make a difference, but you have the right to not like it at all. They are paying for it, it's not to your liking, but no one has to know that you are adamant to do anything other than what is planned.

I wish you nothing but luck with this. I struggle daily to not freak out on my FMIL.