Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

FutureAJ8505 Posted: May 23, 2005 08:26 PM

Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

Ok, here is the situation:
My parents are paying for the entire wedding (300 ppl). My future inlaws are paying for the rehersal dinner. My mom was under the assumption that the wedding party and OOT guests are invited. When my mom approached my FMIL, she told my mom that she did not want to invite OOT guests because that would make the guest list for the RD that much bigger. Now my mom didn't really say anything. Well, tonight she came home and was in a bad mood and made a comment leading to believe that she was really mad about it. NOW, my question is, what do I do???
Here my parents are inviting all of these people, over 100 PPL for my FH's side and the OOT people can't come for dinner. UUUUGGGGG. Any advice???
Thanks

marymoon Posted: May 23, 2005 08:29 PM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

I really don't know. Can you have FH talk to his aprents and explain that your parents are really laying out a LOT of money for the wedding..or don't even say that, just say that the two fo you would like to include guests from OOT, since tey are travelling such a long distance, make it seem like it's something you two want, and then if that fails, remind them of the money your parents are shelling out for 100 of their relatives, and point out a few cases where there were some people who maybe woudlnlt ahve been on the original list, but you guys and your parents let them add them anyway.. I hope it works out.

FutureAJ8505 Posted: May 23, 2005 08:32 PM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

Thanks, I willing to try anything

Mrs. dleeny Posted: May 23, 2005 08:35 PM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

well traditionally, only the family and BP go to the rehearsal dinner. but I know that some people invite the out of town folks as well.

how many out of towners are you looking to invite?

FutureAJ8505 Posted: May 23, 2005 08:38 PM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

1 as of right now. The others won't be coming in until the day of. And I am dying to see if any of their relatives will be there like FMIL's sister and kids. MY mom will flip if they are and honestly, so will I.

Mrs. dleeny Posted: May 23, 2005 09:05 PM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

what?? only 1???! how many are you expecting total? it's rediculous to not allow a few extra people to the dinner, IMO.

agentangel Posted: May 23, 2005 09:10 PM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

Does your FMIL know that it's only 1? Perhaps you can find a middle ground - like cap the list. Unfortunately, they are paying so it's their rules but maybe you can talk it out with them and they can be more flexible. Find out what's their budget? Maybe have the RD somewhere casual to accomodate more people and recommend specific places?

wood2be Posted: May 23, 2005 09:13 PM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

If it's only one I don't see how your FMIL could say no.

LoriH Posted: May 23, 2005 09:18 PM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

I am sure you or your FH can convince your FMIL to invite one or two more people.

STIX1130 Posted: May 23, 2005 11:06 PM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

unfortunately your FMIL is just plain old being CHEAP. I feel your pain...trust me!!!

justshir Posted: May 24, 2005 05:18 AM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

my goodness! only one person???! your FMIL is so stubborn! i agree taht a rehearsal dinner should be smaller than the actual wedding but only one person. hate to say it but your fmil is seemingly petty.

FutureAJ8505 Posted: May 24, 2005 08:14 AM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

We have a very large bridal party. With dates and parents, its going to be about 50 ppl. My FMIL feels that if she invites 1 OOT guest, then she will have to invite ALL of them. But I don't think that many of them will be comning in the night before. As far as my side, its just the one. But I think she feels that if she starts with that, then her whole side of the family will have to come too (who live in the area)
So I don't know what to say or do

justshir Posted: May 24, 2005 08:36 AM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

sheesh! it's not like it's some absolute rule or anything... oye! dunno what to tell ya. but is it important that this person show? he/she will be at your wedding afterall. is it a big deal?

bridetobe Posted: May 24, 2005 09:22 AM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

I would have my FI speak with her. Don't get involved. He should remind her how your parents are paying for the entire wedding and it is ride to not invite OOT guests to the rehersal if they are here.

17sugars Posted: May 24, 2005 09:23 AM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

I might be a traditionalist, but I think I understand where your FMIL is coming from. In my experience, the RD is for the bridal party and parents only. I don't think your FMIL is being cheap. I know so many couples who pay for their own wedding and RD. But, realistically, how can she invite your OOT guests (no matter how many there are) and not her own? I've got a huge family and can easily see how that can snowball. And I love them- but not everyone belongs at my RD. I have been an OOT guest for many family weddings and I have never been invited to a RD- and I didn't expect to be. Sounds like maybe you are more upset that your mom is upset?

leese Posted: May 24, 2005 10:08 AM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

my fmil is opposite...and i have around the same guests as you for the wedding and rehersal.

have your FH deal with it... that's my advice!

FutureAJ8505 Posted: May 24, 2005 10:23 AM

Re: Re-Post --Help, I also need advice

I am upset that my mom feels this way. My parents have done a lot for this wedding. If it wasn't for them, I would not be able to have this wedding.
I just don't know what to say or do. I understand both sides of it.