Brides Helping Brides ™ - .... REALLY?????

kerryums Posted: Jul 06, 2011 05:42 PM

.... REALLY?????

UGH!!

Welcome to my first ever bridezilla moment, I am in the midst of it!!!

My cousin is my MOH. She is 23 years old and lives at home with her parents, rent-free. She works two jobs. She also supports some ....expensive habits... that are not exactly 'necessities' (make of that what you will).

As some of you may have noticed, I am a budget bride. As if my wedding date weren't a clue enough! As such, I am VERY mindful of what BM dresses will cost.

So, my brother is very close with her, and he just says to me, 'She's really freaking out about how she is going to afford the bridesmaid dress.'

WHAT?!??!?!?!??!?! I don't know if this is someone's way of trying to get it to come out of MY wedding budget, but NO NO NO NO NO! She has a year to come up with 200 bucks for a dress. Is that REALLY so unreasonable??!??!?! My brother is giving me the guilt trip that, 'this is someone who buys all her clothes at the thrift store'... WELLL good, then it should be pretty easy to save up enough money to buy a dress over the course of a year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to be worrying that my MOH is going to give me **** about how much my dresses are going to cost?!?!?! PLEASE. I have enough to worry about without having to worry about how she is unable to manage her finances well enough to pay for a dress. I am a grad student who has not made a PENNY for an entire year while on internship and even I could come up with that money....

End of bridezilla rant. lol

jenclifwed Posted: Jul 06, 2011 05:56 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

DEEP BREATH!

I totally understand why you are stressing! I have a bridesmaid who is constantly reminding me how she's going to spend so much money for my wedding and it always really upsets me because i am trying to be really considerate of everyone's budgets. Remember that this is your MOH, one of your best girls. You just need to have an open, honest calm talk with her about this. Listen to her concerns about the cost of everything. Does she know the dress will be $200? Do you have a budget for shoes? Just talk the whole situation out with her so your both on the same page. The key is to just talk through this all with her.

FutureWifey Posted: Jul 06, 2011 05:57 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

Seriously... being a BM comes with financial responsibility. People should reaize that it's not a free ride.. it's an honor to even be asked. I wasn't necessarily happy about driving 3 1/2 hours (one way) to my friends wedding/bridal shower/bachelorette, etc., but I did it because I love her. That's what you do. T

ell your brother that he should be more concerned with how you are going to pay for a wedding on your budget without a job, in grad school, and trying to save for your future with your new husband if he's really going to show concern for anybody. She would need to find a dress anyway for the wedding, so it can't be all that different by being in the bridal party.

FutureWifey Posted: Jul 06, 2011 05:58 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

Posted by jenclifwed

DEEP BREATH!

I totally understand why you are stressing! I have a bridesmaid who is constantly reminding me how she's going to spend so much money for my wedding and it always really upsets me because i am trying to be really considerate of everyone's budgets. Remember that this is your MOH, one of your best girls. You just need to have an open, honest calm talk with her about this. Listen to her concerns about the cost of everything. Does she know the dress will be $200? Do you have a budget for shoes? Just talk the whole situation out with her so your both on the same page. The key is to just talk through this all with her.

Or do this..... (I may be bitter because my girls are complaining about my 'expensive LI wedding.' ... and my $200 dress.

kerryums Posted: Jul 06, 2011 06:01 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

I am letting them all wear whatever shoes they want! And I am gifting accessories, and even letting them select their own STYLE of dress!!! I would talk to her but she didn't even say this to me herself... and now I am sure my brother will tell her everything I said (I ran my mouth a little.....).....

And as for my brother, his loyalty is definitely more with her than with me... :(

kerryums Posted: Jul 06, 2011 06:02 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

Sorry if I sound psychotic or bratty btw I am just still fuming LOL. I am so sorry.. lol

ewecki825 Posted: Jul 06, 2011 06:12 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

Honestly, I have had enough with people so I would just say either come up with the money or you don't have to be in the bridal party. As long as you are not asking them to buy a ridiculously expensive dress then this is what they signed up for when they agreed to be in the wedding party. If they couldn't afford it they should have said no.

FutureMrsCat050412 Posted: Jul 06, 2011 06:56 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

I was nice enough to call all the dress places in Suffolk County to find the cheapest dress for my girls. I wrote everyone an inbox on fb stating I called around & $160 plus alterations was the cheapest, just want to give you all a heads up.

Not one response from the 6 girls I sent it to!

I thought I was being nice....and from weddings I have been in $160 is on the cheaper side of prices for dresses!

lindseynaggle Posted: Jul 06, 2011 07:00 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

Posted by ewecki825

Honestly, I have had enough with people so I would just say either come up with the money or you don't have to be in the bridal party. As long as you are not asking them to buy a ridiculously expensive dress then this is what they signed up for when they agreed to be in the wedding party. If they couldn't afford it they should have said no.

This exactly! $200 is not a lot or a BM dress, and you are bending over backwards for her. Does she realize how much all of this will cost? How will she pay for your bachelorette party? Or shower.

I have zero money right now. My MOH just had a wedding, we needed to pay $400 for custom made dresses. I didn't complain, I borrowed the money from my mom. BMs need to suck it up!

LindsaylovesJustin Posted: Jul 06, 2011 07:07 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

I am in a similar position where my little sister cant afford the dress... and I also dont want 'typical' bm dresses... so we are going to Macy's to find a dress for about $60-$70 that will look good on everyone... the econimic times are hard, and paying for a wedding sucks... but $200 may seem like alot...

What I told my little sister and brother is put away $5 a week from now till my wedding and you can afford the dress and some spending money... thats less than $1 / day

If she argues with that- Kick her out of the wedding lol jk

courtneydemarco12 Posted: Jul 06, 2011 07:46 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

Posted by FutureWifey

Posted by jenclifwed

DEEP BREATH!

I totally understand why you are stressing! I have a bridesmaid who is constantly reminding me how she's going to spend so much money for my wedding and it always really upsets me because i am trying to be really considerate of everyone's budgets. Remember that this is your MOH, one of your best girls. You just need to have an open, honest calm talk with her about this. Listen to her concerns about the cost of everything. Does she know the dress will be $200? Do you have a budget for shoes? Just talk the whole situation out with her so your both on the same page. The key is to just talk through this all with her.

This!

kerryums Posted: Jul 06, 2011 07:48 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

Posted by lindseynaggle

How will she pay for your bachelorette party? Or shower.

SHE WON'T!!!!! I have said I do not need a bach party and my mom is throwing my shower! This is her only financial investment! ><

I agree with the idea of putting some money aside every week. My feeling is that I have been so considerate with money matters as is, that it's her sole responsibility to buy a dress and she should make it a priority over superfluous things if it's important to her....

I wonder if she will say anything to me.........or should I bring it up???

I feel a little better knowing others are going through this too.

LindsaylovesJustin Posted: Jul 06, 2011 07:56 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

I would totally address it with her, but make sure you dont come across confrontational

Let her know your brother confronted you and that it really hurt your feelings because you have worked so hard to make this as small a financial burden to your wedding party as possible, and that you understand how tough the economy is and tell her you cant pay for her dress but ask what you can do to make it better for her and if the responsibility of MOH is too much, you wont be offended if she chooses to step down.

This is YOUR big day and everyone needs to support you just like you would do for them :)

kerryums Posted: Jul 06, 2011 09:34 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

That is such a calm and rational response! I think I am going to write that down and rehearse it. lol. Thanks!!!

LindsaylovesJustin Posted: Jul 06, 2011 09:37 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

haha I have had to learn how to deal with my MIL (we had a civil ceremony already) and that is not an easy task!

Good Luck and I am actually interested to hear how it goes for you :)

bride2be2012 Posted: Jul 06, 2011 09:38 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

Aww I can totally see why you are upset! Take a few deep breaths and just try to back away from the situation for a minute. I think you just need to sit down with your cousin and explain to her the responsibility of being a MOH/BM and see if she is really ready. She just might not have had a clue and overreacted. I hope everything works out ok!!

ddms7870 Posted: Jul 06, 2011 09:47 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

Posted by LindsaylovesJustin

I would totally address it with her, but make sure you dont come across confrontational

Let her know your brother confronted you and that it really hurt your feelings because you have worked so hard to make this as small a financial burden to your wedding party as possible, and that you understand how tough the economy is and tell her you cant pay for her dress but ask what you can do to make it better for her and if the responsibility of MOH is too much, you wont be offended if she chooses to step down.

This is YOUR big day and everyone needs to support you just like you would do for them :)

I completely agree! just as a sidenote, she really needs to make some big girl decisions about her expensive habits as well in order to save. If it's important enough for her to be part of your big day, she'll have to make it work in order to have the money she needs for a wedding that's over a year away!

Watermelon5 Posted: Jul 07, 2011 01:54 PM

Re: .... REALLY?????

honestly, this would piss me off. i havent chosen dresses or anything so i have yet to really deal w/ any $ issues BUT i have been in a handful of weddings and honestly i DO NOT have extra money for dresses, etc. but i ALWAYS figure it out! ive been a full time student, saving for my own wedding/house/honeymoon and barely making $ and still could save up for a dress, c'mon. if you cant then you should be upfront when asked to be in a bridal party and say you cant afford it!!

since she didnt say it directly to you maybe she was just venting, but either way maybe bring it up and be like, hey i heard you were a little stressed dont be i chose a budget friendly gown for you guys and see what she says! she should get her priorities in order, too, re: her 'habits' LOL!

Ok end rant!!! LOL

kerryums Posted: Jul 08, 2011 12:15 AM

Re: .... REALLY?????

Thanks for the support girls! I have calmed down from my previous state of rage lol. I decided that I will mention it casually the next time we get together just the two of us and give her the option to back out if she needs to but with still saying how much I'd like if she didn't.

Thanks everyone for the touch of sanity during one of my less-than-shining moments lol.