Really Annoyed....VENT

JCMsGirl05 Posted: Sep 05, 2005 12:47 PM

Really Annoyed....VENT

M&LSept1606 Posted: Sep 05, 2005 01:00 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

That really stinks, but maybe she has good reason, and doesn't want to tell you. I know it's short notice, but can the BM gift be returned? Personally I know it must hurt but the way you're talking about her, it doesn't seem like you're that close. I would never dream of thinking the friends in my wedding party would use me to get a gift for their wedding, and then drop out on purpose. Sounds like your friendship is not solid in the first place. JMO

suven Posted: Sep 05, 2005 01:00 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

After her wedding, her feelings may have changed about being in your bridal party. Believe me when I tell you, even though our BM from hell was a pain in the azz, it wasn't until we were on our honeymoon that we formed opinions on the situation. When we were still in 'wedding land' we just got bye as best we could. It wasn't until after that we finally started to form opinions and act on things. Also, that was the point that I decided that I am 'retiring' from weddings. I just didn't feel like my BMs were there for me the way I would have been there for them. And, I've made it clear that I'm 'retiring' from being involved in weddings- outside of being a regular guest. Of course, none of them are getting married right now, but when they do, I'm sure they'll know that I do not plan on participating in a wedding.

I don't think she had you come to her wedding just for a gift to cover the BM dress for your wedding (the gift would probably equal out to what she had to pay for your dinner). I really think she just changed her mind after her wedding was over.

But, nonetheless, this sux for you and I'm sorry to hear this happened!

PegaLega Posted: Sep 05, 2005 01:04 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

Im sorry to hear that, it is a strange that she waited so long to tell you...

JCMsGirl05 Posted: Sep 05, 2005 01:07 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

Gifts were personal and a special order and cannot be returned with the exception of one.

I thought we were good friends, but it turned out that I was mistaken. The reason I feel used is because of the way I know she is. Other people dropped out of her wedding also. My reasoning was only that I didn't have the money at the time to be in a wedding. But to give someone less than 8 weeks notice is just inconsiderate in my opinion.

SomethingBlu Posted: Sep 05, 2005 01:19 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

Posted by JCMsGirl05

Gifts were personal and a special order and cannot be returned with the exception of one.

I thought we were good friends, but it turned out that I was mistaken. The reason I feel used is because of the way I know she is. Other people dropped out of her wedding also. My reasoning was only that I didn't have the money at the time to be in a wedding. But to give someone less than 8 weeks notice is just inconsiderate in my opinion.

Who knows why people do things...but being that you dropped out of her wedding (I'm guessing instead of declining the offer you said yes and then dropped out?) it's possible that she was very hurt by this...no matter how far in advance you told her...and wanted to 'pay you back'. This is a big assumption on my part, but it does sound alittle spiteful on her part. I would never accept to be in a wedding and then change my mind after my own wedding...no matter how bad my own experience was. And to do it via email...I feel like she's upset at something. Are you telling us the whole story?

JCMsGirl05 Posted: Sep 05, 2005 01:26 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

I'm telling you everything I know. I dropped out of her wedding in January, before dresses were ordered. When I accepted, I hoped that I would have been working again, but as it turned out, I was out of work much long than I had originally anticipated and her being my friend I thought she understood. I knew she was hurt, but I figured she would have dropped out much sooner. I don't know what happened since her wedding, but she acted fine when we had spoken since.

Mrs_B Posted: Sep 05, 2005 01:28 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

I really think you need to talk to her and find out why.. I would personally want to know if this happened to me.

SomethingBlu Posted: Sep 05, 2005 01:29 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

Posted by JCMsGirl05

I'm telling you everything I know. I dropped out of her wedding in January, before dresses were ordered. When I accepted, I hoped that I would have been working again, but as it turned out, I was out of work much long than I had originally anticipated and her being my friend I thought she understood. I knew she was hurt, but I figured she would have dropped out much sooner. I don't know what happened since her wedding, but she acted fine when we had spoken since.

I'm so sorry then...definitely speak to her once you have calmed down. I know you sent her a not so nice email and tempers are fuming (and I partly blame it on the fact that your wedding is in 2 months...because believe me the brain shuts down and we get very emotional) but unless you never want to speak to her again, bring up the topic and find out why. Like I stated earlier, she could really have taken it hard that you dropped out of her wedding and decided that she wanted to 'return the favor'. But listen to suven, she had the BM from hell and believe me you don't want that...if there's a chance that she'll be at your wedding and miserable, don't take it!

Again, I'm sorry...but you can't take this so personally. At least everyone important will be there...try to have some perspective...and good luck!

E-n-K Posted: Sep 05, 2005 01:34 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

you droping out of her wedding may have hurt her feelings, BUT she should't have agreed to be part of your BP if she was upset about that.

JCMsGirl05 Posted: Sep 05, 2005 01:40 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

Thanks for the well wishes.

I don't even want her to come to my wedding and I think that after this, there is no way we could salvage a friendship. She obviously has no regard for me or our friendship or she would have been honest to begin with.

I feel like I did right by her considering the circumstances. I went to her shower and gave her a gift she claimed to have loved that took time and effort to put together and I wouldn't have done that for just anyone. I went to the wedding and gave a gift. AND more than that, I offered to help her out in any way she needed, INCLUDING bringing her a tossing garter to use for her toss since she didn't get one. Turned out she even left the one she bought for her husband at home and I came to her rescue. Someone who wasn't good friend wouldn't have offered to help with anything. Mind you, she didn't offer to help me once with anything at all. I know she was planning her wedding too, but she had no concern for me at all. Everything was about her. I figured maybe she would come around after her wedding was overwith, but she went and dumped this on me.
I am just very annoyed and mad at this point.

Happybride2005 Posted: Sep 05, 2005 01:52 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

i found out during the planning that we find out who our real friends r

JCMsGirl05 Posted: Sep 05, 2005 01:56 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

That is the truth! People tend to disappoint you in life when you need them the most.
S-U-C-K-S, but its the truth.

Good Luck with your wedding!

enjft Posted: Sep 05, 2005 02:04 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

so sorry

070306 Posted: Sep 05, 2005 03:24 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

Sorry you have to go thru this aggravation.

JCMsGirl05 Posted: Sep 05, 2005 04:32 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

Me too, but better now than in a few more weeks!

DMcK Posted: Sep 05, 2005 04:42 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

Posted by M&LSept1606

That really stinks, but maybe she has good reason, and doesn't want to tell you. I know it's short notice, but can the BM gift be returned? Personally I know it must hurt but the way you're talking about her, it doesn't seem like you're that close. I would never dream of thinking the friends in my wedding party would use me to get a gift for their wedding, and then drop out on purpose. Sounds like your friendship is not solid in the first place. JMO

I have to say that I agree.

prinses777 Posted: Sep 05, 2005 04:47 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

Wow... That surprises me!!! She must have been a really close friend too b/c she was one of your BM...

That's crazy, you should def ask for an explanation why!?

BTW...JMO to avoid this situation...
NO BRIDESMAIDS heheheh :)
I personally feel it is a lot for someone to be a BM... they have to shovel out a lot of money...

My FH and I are just having 2 best men and 2 MOH...

Goldi1021 Posted: Sep 05, 2005 04:49 PM

Re: Really Annoyed....VENT

Posted by Happybride2005

i found out during the planning that we find out who our real friends r

This is very true. I have some adults and some teens in my BP. The adults do the best they can as two of them are mothers and two of them work. I do not expect the teenagers to overextend themselves as one of them is starting high school and the other is practicing for her Bat Mitzvah (so proud of my nieces). The married ladies love talking about wedding stuff offering opinions and whatnot. The single friend I have does her best without getting overly nauseated. It can be hard to hear 'wedding this' and 'wedding that' if you are single so I try not to overload her with it. This is why I log on to LIW. I can talk about wedding stuff with the ladies and gentlemen here without upsetting or annoying people.