LIWeddings.com
Post New Topic

really, i feel bad venting, but i cant take it girls

Original post by amandamichael

i love FH to death, id do anything for him, well almost anything, anything but run back to his mom with my tail between my legs, pretending i did smething wrong so that we can play nice for another week before she goes crazy on me again

i know he understands, and i know he gets it, but i also know the other half of him wants us to get along and doesnt want to have to choose-- and i respect that- i dont want him to have to choose btw me and them, but i mean....enough

i just cant go backward, i cant let this go anymore

about amonth ago, when FMIL was holding my shoes hostage, i took one for the team, for FH and wrote her this long email, about how everything is, how it shouldnt be this way, how we should get along, how she should respect me and how i want her to be in my future but not in this way--- needless to say 4 pages later, i sent it, hoping shed wake up, and realize she doent have to like me, but she should be supportive for her son.

well, she never wrote a word back, never acknowledged it-- shes a nurse, she told FH she was too busy with work to respond bc it was too long--- mind you she works 8 hr days like the rest of the world, and if u can play farmville on facebnook, you can sure as hell deal with whats going on
but thats besides the point, so i feel strongly about this, that if she wanted to make it bette,r she would have reached out for me-- she could have simply wrote' im sorry you feel this way, lets make it better, lets work it out'--but shes happy this way, she sees him without me, and she gets to be alone with him--- she cant let go, she wants him by herself, and its sad, and sick, but it is what it is

im just sooooo damn frustrated- i dont wanna fight with FH< and i hate seeing him in turmoil, i just---- i know if i dont keep my foot down, she'll never learn to respect me and this will never end

so whats a girl to do?
i just wanna cry--- and run away--- i just cant take it anymore- and i cant give in anymore, i just want respect, the respect i deserve

really--- whyyyyyyyyyyyy
do
LoveyDovey Posted:

Re: really, i feel bad venting, but i cant take it girls

none of this has anything to do with FH

and I hope you understand that

It has everything to do with FMIL

FH and you can talk the woman to death, do everything possible to attempt to fix the situation...but nothing is going to change it

and its not YOU...if it was Jane, Jessie, Donna or Laura, FMIL would be doing the SAME THING!

why?? bc she hasn't cut the cord yet and she clearly has an unhealthy relationship with her son

I have been and I am in the same position as you.

My FMIL does not want me marrying her son. Thankfully she has not done anything mean to me or purposely attempted to hurt me. She just makes it known and her and her family are distant.

I have alwaysssss been the one to go out of my way and be the bigger person- I send her flowers/cards for occasions, call her out of the blue to say hi/how are you...invite them to dinner, suggest family gatherings/trips etc...even invited her to go dress shopping with me and to see halls!!!!

all the while this woman apparently thinks im wrong for her son.

all i can say is kill her with kindness...and try not to bring hte issue up to FH, unless absolutely necessary

hes already hearing it from his mother...he doesn't need to hear it from us too.

sorry so long, but i figured you could use some words from someone in a similar situation
amandamichael Posted:

Re: really, i feel bad venting, but i cant take it girls

i know its not his fault, and i keep telling myself that, but im just so angry bc she is HIS mother
and its like i dont want this to be like this
does anyone think i woke up and said when i get married i want my mother in law to hate me so much that she makes it that clear all the time, that she has no respoect for me and thinks its okay to yell at me and tell me that she doesnt like me and that im taking her son away

of course not,but emotionally i am such a wreck over this, and ive just so had enough
i want the respect i deserve

and i know fh sticks up for me, i know he does, and i know hes with me and not them, girls, im just so damn angry
im sooo angry i cant explain it
im angry that shes doing this to me
im angry that she wont give up
im angry that she wont let go

and it just wont stop

and its like, i feel bad, this morning he was liek you know if i had too, id choose you, always id choose you, i just dont want to have to choose if we can fix htis

and i understand that-- but i just, uhhhh,

here come the tears

i just dont know what to do anymore
FH and I have been through so much together, and weve always made it-- and this is just killing us

and i know everyone says to ignore it, but how do you ignore this- you cant- she wont let me, trust meee, her opinions are no secret

i cant
i cant do it
i want it to go away
LoveyDovey Posted:

Re: really, i feel bad venting, but i cant take it girls

im so sorry you're hurting...i really am!

I wish I had a solution for you...but if I did, that would mean I'd have one for myself!

What I try to tell myself is that this is not something I have to deal with on a daily basis, its not a constant thing...

you dont live with her, youre not marrrying her

you just have to deal with her every now and then

i know that marriage is not going to fix anything...but i also like to think that things may change once youre married...she probably feels like right now youre not married and she has a chance to 'save her son'

maybe once youre married she will back off a lil bit

i know its hurtful, its hurtful for you and its hurtful to see your fh hurt too

do your part, kill her with kindness, be super nice
and keep your distance whenever possible

I hope it gets better!!!!
allornil Posted:

Re: really, i feel bad venting, but i cant take it girls

just so you know....my Mom hates my dad's mom. I never knew this until recently. I dont care either way, I barely know the woman...but apparently there was a lot of bad blood and she was very nasty to my mom when they dated. they almost didn't get married bc of a huge blow out between mom and dad's parents that my dad's mom started.

it was bad.

but, I can honestly say that I have never seen a better couple. They've been married for 34 years on the 28th on this month.

Look, your FMIL is a nasty azz biatch wh*re face. I hate her and I don't even know her.

But...know this, she is gonna blow after you get married. I mean like go apesh*t that the neighbors have to call the cops and ya know what?

everyone is gonna be so freaking sick of her crap. she isn't going to have support from anyone bc she's completely unreasonable, psychotic and just plain out mean.

I know it's hard but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. eventually she's going to have to suck it up to see him. I know he's upset but he's going to realize that his mom is just the devil and that's it.

once he's done, demon spawn MIL will have no choice to S T F U or never see her son or grand kids.

stx29kls Posted:

Re: really, i feel bad venting, but i cant take it girls

I am sorry this is happening to you!! What is her problem? Is it just that she is crazy or does she not like you or something? All that matters is FH loves you and you are both going to be happy together, no matter what the stupid b**** does. We are here for you!!

VCanizalez Posted:

Re: really, i feel bad venting, but i cant take it girls

I am so sorry chica.....

I think I am sorry to tell u this but Perhaps, THIS WILL NEVER CHANGE...
...

Has ur FH talked to his mom?

I think u should focus just in U and ur FH...
Tromsugar2b Posted:

Re: really, i feel bad venting, but i cant take it girls

If I were you I would make sure I was with him every time she visited him or he visited her, make it known that you are in his life regardless of whether she likes it, I would go, try and be pleasant, if rude things are said just try to brush them off and be the bigger person, she will soon realize no matter what she says or does this is the way it is! and hopefully FH will defend you if anything too rude is said!


I just read your other posts: I think staying away is giving her the satisfaction she is looking for, she wants her son all to herself and she thinks shes gonna get it! Like I said her behavior may not be acceptable but you need to let her know your not going anywhere!!
rendel Posted:

Re: really, i feel bad venting, but i cant take it girls

Posted by amandamichael

yea no, i know and understand that- thats what im trying to avoid

im not a believer that this is going to get better after marriage
im just not sure how to stop or change it anymore- its like everything i do is an issue and its terrible bc i love this man to deathhhh


Amanda you have to realize that somethings are just plain out of our hands!!!!!!!!!! It like my friend told me, the only way that FMIL will be happy is if you guys don't get married, but we all know that will not happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you need me, I am here for you!!!!!! I know how it feels and it sux to be in the postion we are in!!!!!!!!
amandamichael Posted:

Re: really, i feel bad venting, but i cant take it girls

ren its terrible- i just dont wanna be around it- so hes spending the night with them and im home by myself- id rather be here than be there

im just so sick of pretending its okay, i dont wanan be there, and try to smile

im just, gosh im stuck, and its terrible and i just want it all to go away

i jsut want my life, with him, to be peaceful

Reply to this topic

Log in to reply or quote a post.