Really Personal Issue - Advice Needed - Sorry It´s Long

Hey, So I´m surprised I´m even posting this b.c not many people know but I am just not sure what to do and would like unbiased opinions. Without getting into TMI I have a cousin who sexually abused me when I was really young. Apparently I blocked everything out because it was ony years later (when I was a teenager) that my parents confirmed this to me. I have no recollection of my early childhood and mentioned this to them a few times and so they told me. (what i didn´t tell them at the time is that I would have dreams with images about the situation but I thought that was just weird dreams) As far as I am told I eventually told my mom (because i never wanted to go there but they always wanted to force me to) and my parents told his parents. Aside from that I don´t anyone in the fam knows.

Years later, I´m basically over it and don´t really hate him or anything. But I still get weird flashbacks sometimes (rarely) and every so often (rarely) I do get depressed or something about it but talk my way out of it quickly. Since that happened I´ve seen him at different family reunions, weddings, etc. Sometimes it doesn´t faze me but sometimes I get an uncomfortable feeling. I´m not rude or anything. I say hello to him and his wife but don´t linger around talking to them. (i never went to her bridal shower or their wedding)

I told my mother that I don´t want him at my wedding. She thinks that it was such a long time ago and he was just a child that I should just get over it and invite him anyway. She said she felt bad for his wife who is so sweet and is going to wonder why she isn´t invited and think that some of the fam might be offended and not come. At first I got really pissed and was like anyone who doesn´t want to come and would rather take his side then I don´t want them there anyway. (Then again most people don´t even know.)

I know that sometimes his being around doesn´t faze me but sometimes it does. I just dont´want to be uncomfortable at my own wedding.

I had told my mom that I obviously wasn´t going to go around telling people why he wasn´t invited but if people started bothering me about why he´s not invited and trying to make me feel bad I would just tell them. I dont´think this is something that he´s talked about with his wife and a lot of the fam doesn´t know. He was young at the time of the incident as well. (he couldn´t have been more than early teens I think) And I´m pretty sure it wasn´t a situation that repeated with other people. And like I said earlier I don´t hate him or anything so wouldn´t really want to be telling people this. What good would that do?

Now I´m thinking of maybe sending her the bridal shower invite and them a wedding invite when they go out but sending him an email or something explaining that for obvious reasons I would prefer he not attend.

This way the reason why I dont´want him there doesn´t have to come out, but I still get to have my wedding be carefree. I put it on him as the one not being able to go.

This all came up b.c my mom and sister are sending out the bridal shower invites iwth the save the dates. My mom called me last night to make sure I was 100% sure we weren´t inviting them to the wedding because then she wouldn´t invite her to the shower even thought she thinks she should be invited. I feel bad for his wife and don´t have anything against her. I don´t think it would bother me having her at my shower.

What do you guys think? Is it best to just outright exclude them and not send them invites (although i just realized people might just think it got lost in the mail!!) or should I send them the invites but let him know I dont´want him there?