Really Personal Question for the Married Ladies...

I think it would really be a great reality check for some of us if you would be so kind and answer this question, be it as personal as it is...

I just peeked over on the newlywed board and saw a thread that inspired this question because it got me worried about our finances after the wedding... I'd really rather not be shocked by our financial situation after the wedding (not that we are relying on this by any means) but I know that I think at least my FH is a little deluded regarding this issue....I think it will help us brides alot if you would share this info... so with that in mind, I ask you:

How much money did you receive in gifts for the wedding and how many guests did you have? Was it more than or less than you expected?

no married yet, BUT...

we are estimating $0 so anything more than that will be a great surprise! i did not want to go into this with any expectations and we made sure we would be able to financially swing it. will we delay purchase of a home? yes. but that was the trade-off and plan from the get go...

We had 165 people attend out reception..including us. We were VERY surprised at some gifts. Some people were very generous, much more than we thought! We didnt go into the reception with a figure in our head for the total of our gifts but we did come out with a nice sum!

dont expect anything and whatever you get....you will be very happy about!!

I agree- don't go into expecting anything and then you will be pleasantly surprised.

But, here's some info.

Most of the people whose weddings we attended gave back the same amount that we gave them. One couple gave back quite a bit less. None gave anything higher than what we gave.

MOST of our out of town guests were EXTREMELY generous- even after all of their travel expenses.

We probably received 40% of our gifts from people who did NOT attend.

So, if we average out what we received from guests who did attend, it worked out to $100 per head.

To be honest, I think that every couple encounters surprises with the gifts. Like the couple who brings their adult son who was not invited and gives $65. Versus the little old lady who gives $500. I don't think that you can ever really estimate what the end result will be.

I will FM you

after planning and thinking about this and now seeing the result, I think you can pretty much count on an average of $100. a head of people that attended. We had two families that each gave $100 for four/five adult people which means they gave about 20 bucks a head

but the overly generous people made up for it so thats where it begins to average out.

My husband was very dissapointed, but I planned on 100 bucks a head so I was pretty much on target.

HTH!

I agree with Bethsiar. We averaged $100 for our 115 guests. Some of our guests gave $50 and some gave $500. We had some stiffers too!

Its about what we expected.

were the ones who gave less than $100 out of town guests? i am surprised long island people, knowing how much things are per head, would give less than that....

I agree with the other ladies... How much you get in gifts should not make a difference in your financial situation after the wedding. If you over extend yourself to pay for the wedding then money will be an issue.

I think we as brides/grooms start making plans with money we don't even have like paying off all debt or down payment for house. Also we have these expectations as to how much we think we'll get. I did at first, but then put it out of my mind. I think couples should look at the cost of the wedding as forgone and what you get as a gift a pleasant surprise. Although I know it's easier said than done.

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Posted by paulandles912

I agree with Bethsiar. We averaged $100 for our 115 guests. Some of our guests gave $50 and some gave $500.

Its about what we expected.

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Same here...I averaged the same and we had 191 guests. I had a small percentage of people who did not give who were there, who were not there and gave and 10 people who decided not to show up at all and havent even acknowledged it.

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Posted by JimmysBride

I think it would really be a great reality check for some of us if you would be so kind and answer this question, be it as personal as it is...

I just peeked over on the newlywed board and saw a thread that inspired this question because it got me worried about our finances after the wedding... I'd really rather not be shocked by our financial situation after the wedding (not that we are relying on this by any means) but I know that I think at least my FH is a little deluded regarding this issue....I think it will help us brides alot if you would share this info... so with that in mind, I ask you:

How much money did you receive in gifts for the wedding and how many guests did you have? Was it more than or less than you expected?

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Jimmysbride, I'm in the same boat as you. I'm thinking it will probably be $100 per head, based on my friends/family who've gotten married as well as the girls who've been nice enough to share on this board. But FH seems to think it will be much more!!! I keep trying to tell him to shoot very low and then we'll be happy with whatever we get. This tends to be our whole relationship though...he's got his head in the clouds and I've got my feet firmly planted on the ground.

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Posted by nov04LIbride

were the ones who gave less than $100 out of town guests? i am surprised long island people, knowing how much things are per head, would give less than that....

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Be prepared to be surprised...

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Posted by lillian771

Jimmysbride, I'm in the same boat as you. I'm thinking it will probably be $100 per head, based on my friends/family who've gotten married as well as the girls who've been nice enough to share on this board. But FH seems to think it will be much more!!! I keep trying to tell him to shoot very low and then we'll be happy with whatever we get. This tends to be our whole relationship though...he's got his head in the clouds and I've got my feet firmly planted on the ground.

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I think your FH and my FH should go to financial school together.

He seems to think we are going to get it all back, which is why I am in charge of the budget and finances. I think he is going to be disappointed.

I'm not from around here, so I came into it thinking differently. Most of my family and OOT friends will not give even close to $100. They just don't know that's the norm on LI.

Anything we get will be a pleasant surprise to me.

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Posted by bethsiar

after planning and thinking about this and now seeing the result, I think you can pretty much count on an average of $100. a head of people that attended. We had two families that each gave $100 for four/five adult people which means they gave about 20 bucks a head

but the overly generous people made up for it so thats where it begins to average out.

My husband was very dissapointed, but I planned on 100 bucks a head so I was pretty much on target.

HTH!

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I couldn't have said this any better.. when DH and I did our final 'tally' , it really did just about boil down to $100 a head.. The overly generous people made up for the less generous (and the out and out 'stiffers'). So when we averaged it out, it didn't seem as bad as it might have been if we'd focus on the people who stiffed or were not quite as generous (and what I mean by this , I mean giving $20 or less!! )

I think I speak for many of us when I say its always the people you LEAST expect it from that shock you. Mind you, I promise you I was NEVER in it 'for the money' .. we had such a small wedding and realistically there is no way you will make any sort of money back, per se. I didn't go over budget and still planned a beautiful wedding within our means. So yes, DH & I went into the wedding with our eyes WIDE open ... neither of us expected to break even, and we didn't, which is A-OK.

We truly were grateful for the gifts and the $$ we received, since our expectations were VERY low .. we really felt blessed to received the gifts we did get and have our loved ones with us

When I say 'disappointed', however, I'm talking about those people that weren't just 'cheap' -- they out and out stiffed us! No gift, not even a CARD --NADA. These were close relatives, mind you, whose weddings were attended by other family members and were given substantial gifts at the time (and NO, these people do not plan to sent a gift down the road.. we already know they will not!) And trust me.. these very same people make more $$ than you & I combined.. so its not a $$ issue. Its just blatant disregard for the fact that they attended a wedding and could not even purchase a $2.99 card to wish us well

Meanwhile we both have quite a few friends who we knew were TRULY broke and I TRULY didn't expect much .. and those were the same people who were really giving with their gifts to us.

Weddings (esp in NY ) really are a strange thing, and I cannot say I walked away 'shocked' by any of it... I just was a truly hurt by 'some' people, that's all