Received First RSVP with Guest Written In

I am really dreading this conversation I have to have. Our wedding is at 7 pm and the reception goes until 1:00 am. FH and I decided that we did not want to have children at the wedding, even though I am close to my 9 and 11 year old cousins--practically an aunt, and FH has a niece who we love, but is at the height of the terrible twos and we have friends who have kids whose birthdays, christenings, etc we have attended. We debated about if we should have our invitations state somewhere 'adult only reception' or not. We looked in etiquette books, talked to friends and the conclusion was that since the invitation emphasized that it was formal; at night and that the invitations were addressed only to the people who were invited that we shouldn't have any problems. WRONG.

Our friends have a seven month old and we just received their rsvp with the baby written in as an additional guest. What is bothering me about all of this is the fact that the couple didn't call us or email us. We see them often and in fact, we are going to a baby shower that they are hosting for another couple tomorrow night. It's so ironic too because I just had a conversation with my FSIL who has the two year old, about not inviting children and babies to the wedding. FSIL said that she personally had no problem--it meant that she and her husband could have a good time, but she warned me that there would be people with infants who would want to bring them. I suggested perhaps not because the wedding was formal, late in the evening..she said don't be surprise. How right she was...

So any recommendations for the best, delicate way to handle this situation? I now get the feeling that it will definitely come up again and I just can't make any exceptions. We have a few friends with kids whose age range between 1 to 11 who have rsvped and are not bringing their kids. If we let one couple, then we have to let all of them including FSIL. I don't know if it is a matter of not having the money to spend on a babysitter or if they have never left their baby with a sitter at night. Would it be wrong of me to offer to pay for a sitter? I know that could possibly open a whole another can of worms...

The lesson to learn so far is if you really do not want children or babies at your wedding, putting on your invitation that it is an adult only reception is probably good etiquette after all.

I just got an RSVP back where the couple asked if they can bring their new twins to our reception.
We are not having an adult reception, but I thought it was in bad taste to send back an RSVP with the twins names included.

thats pretty rude they should have asked sorry

We have already been told that one of his cousin's is bringing her son!!! He wasn't invited!!! I don't know what to do!! I want to say something but it is his family so I feel he should say something and he is just letting it slide!!! I am so MAD!!! People are so RUDE!!!

Anyway...sorry for my vent!

I hope it all works out for you!!

Thats hard...because you have to say something or else the baby ....ahh 11 months at that..will come and then the other people will get angry etc....

I'm a wimp so I would choose e-mail...and and say , we can talk more about this at the shower ( the baby one you mentioned) or something but I recv'd your RSVP and unfortunatly we are not having any children...to invite one , would have to invite all, I hope you understand....nothing more you can do at that point but cross your fingers they will be ok with it...They have to I guess...

If they were rude enough to add their child without your permission, you should not feel bad about telling them that no children are invited. I told my family this, as my cousin asked if she could bring her kids, and we explained that everyone has children and it would just be too much.
Do not feel bad about speaking up, THEY are the rude ones, not you!!!

I was worried about that too. My FH family has a whole LOT of kids. We managed to put Adult Reception to Follow on the invites,a nd so far we've had no problems.
But I had discussed with his family about the the no kids rule. I calmly explained that the venue (and the time of day) was not appropriate for small children. Explain to your friend that if her child comes then that means that everyone can bring their child, and you can't afford that (doesn't matter if you can). I'm sure she'll understand.

Everybody vent!

I'm sorry to hear that people are having the same problem.

I am thinking and deliberating just saying at the shower that we need to talk soon and then saying that we received their rsvp and unfortunately we are not having any children at the wedding, etc...

We'll see. We are also friends with a couple (the one the baby shower is being thrown for) who the expected birthdate is two weeks before the wedding and wife wants to come if she is feeling okay and leave the newborn with a sitter.

Everybody's different....

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Posted by Karacg

If they were rude enough to add their child without your permission, you should not feel bad about telling them that no children are invited. I told my family this, as my cousin asked if she could bring her kids, and we explained that everyone has children and it would just be too much.
Do not feel bad about speaking up, THEY are the rude ones, not you!!!

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couldnt have said it better....

I think you have to call them up, thank them for RSVPing but delicately explain that you are having an adult only reception. Maybe you can suggest a babysitter for them, or mention that other friends are getting a babysitter and maybe they can all chip in together so the kids can be together for their own little get together while the parents go out and have a good time at your wedding.

We had a similar situation with FSIL who is due 1 month before the wedding. There were some hard feeling when we first put our foot down, but she understands now and will be coming without the baby.

Good luck!

Thanks! I am definitely going to speak up. My MoH keeps reminding me that I have to stick to my guns.

We have also been actively finding out about babysitters and have one lined up for FSIL's two year old. We are going to talk to her next week about anyone else she knows who babysits and we could also hire.

I'm going to wait until after the shower and talk to her.

That was very rude & I agree they should have asked. I have a friend with 2 (and a half ) kids & she said she WANTS to leave them home so she can have a night out. She told me to tell our other friends/family with kids that you had to ask some of the other guests not to bring their kids (pick a reason - they're rowdy, too young, terrible 2s!) and you feel it would be akward if they came & saw other kids there.

Just so you know - I havent tried this for our RSVPs but I used it for one of our our e-partys. That was because it was at Tavern on the Green. I thought it would go without saying that it was an adult event but when I told this to two of my aunts & some friends they were fine with it. One person was upset but I offered some names for sitters for her and she ended up coming (not happy at first) but leaving drunk as could be & I dont think she missed the kids...

Please hold your ground!! If this is something you and FH want then stick to it!! I can't even begin to tell you the battles I went through before my wedding. We also invited no children and I still don't hear the end of it

But seriously -speak up and let these people know there are no children/babies allowed. And repeat this mantra - 'If they don't like it, they don't have to come' It helps you get through this hectic period.

There are some rude and TACKY people in this world!

Sorry you have to deal with this.

Donna-

I already have your mantra memorized by heart

thank goodness none of my guests have young children!

can't think of any way but to give them a call and politely explain the situation. hopefully they will understand - it is your day after all! good luck!