OK, so my MOH is my best friend since Jr. High, but this is the first 'big' wedding for either her or me, not to mention my family and fi's...No one really knows proper ettiquette because no one has done anything like this before. My wedding is next month and I have not been asked anything about a shower...really, I haven't been asked for a guest list, which is what I think I need to give them. My question is, do I ask 'do you need help?' or 'am I having a shower' or just wait it out and be happy either way (with or without one). My FMIL made me register but I think it's because she expects guests to bring an acutal present to the wedding () I don't want this and am planning on shutting down the registry closer to the date...I don't want anyone to feel obliged to get us a gift or bring something (we're Spanish and very traditional). So can anyone make sense of my rambling post and help! Thanks!
ChrissynRicky
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Re: Regarding showers, do I have to bring it up?
I've been to Spanish (Puerto Rican, Spain, and Venezulan) Showers, and believe me - they're insane! Hehehe...
Anyway, honestly, maybe they're trying to surprise you, and doing a great job at it.
But, if you really are concerned w/it, ask your MOH straight out - 'do you need anything from me for the shower?' That will either clue her in 'hey, you're throwing me a shower right?' or 'shoot, who told?'....GL!
JPC1125
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Re: Regarding showers, do I have to bring it up?
i would ask because she might not know how to go about it..ask her if she needs mom's number or a guest list
i think nowadays, old etiquette goes out the window and dont be embarassed to make sure youget your shower
steelersforlife
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Re: Regarding showers, do I have to bring it up?
I am in a similar situation in terms of family not really knowing proper etiquette because few people have gotten married. However, if I want a shower (which I do), I will definitely mention it to my family, mainly my sister. If not, then they won't know. And I don't want to be disappointed if they don't throw me one. I would just ask. I don't really know why showers are supposed to be this big secret anyway. Good luck.
divabride
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Re: Regarding showers, do I have to bring it up?
I'd ask her if she has anything planned or if she needs help. Why dont you give her a list of the people you'd like invited? Maybe that will start conversation.
Ladybug63
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Re: Regarding showers, do I have to bring it up?
I would ask if there were any plans to get together with everyone before the wedding. Even if you don't have a 'shower' maybe you could have a kind of btch party.
I feel bad for you that no one did something for you and here I am complaining about the party my BM's are giving me.
MsKitty1274
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Re: Regarding showers, do I have to bring it up?
I would either come right out and ask, or give them a list of people and say 'this is the guest list for the shower, thought it'd be helpful'.
When I was planning my FSIL's shower last year (and dealing w/ FH's Argentine family and FSIL's Puerto RIcan family) the majority of them were also not aware of proper ettiquette on showers. Due to circumstances beyone MY control, the shower was 2 1/2 weeks before the wedding!! I had been attempting to plan the shower for months before and I wasn't even in the bridal party!!!!
SomethingBlu
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Re: Regarding showers, do I have to bring it up?
Thanks all so much for your response. What Jill brought up is exactly what I'm afraid of! I don't want the shower in May - what's the point then? OK, so I'll ask her if she needs a guest list. Besides the MOH, who else should be involved? My mom is CLUELESS and broke and lives out of state and my sister is also out of state...oh, I may not have one after all I guess.
But thanks so much!
nov04LIbride
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Re: Regarding showers, do I have to bring it up?
Posted by SomethingBlu
Thanks all so much for your response. What Jill brought up is exactly what I'm afraid of! I don't want the shower in May - what's the point then? OK, so I'll ask her if she needs a guest list. Besides the MOH, who else should be involved? My mom is CLUELESS and broke and lives out of state and my sister is also out of state...oh, I may not have one after all I guess.
But thanks so much!
What about your FMIL? My mom read all etiquite guides that said the mother of bride shouldn't plan or host the shower. Any other family members or ILs? FSIL or FMIL? I agree though, too close to the wedding and it is not too good...
lilacwine
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Re: Regarding showers, do I have to bring it up?
How much stuff has come off your registry? That should be a good indicator.
Can you drop hints to your MOH, maybe about other people's showers?
SomethingBlu
Posted:
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Re: Regarding showers, do I have to bring it up?
You have made me feel much better. I understand the proximity to the wedding (crazy Spanish people! ) but things are dissapearing daily from my registry and while I still have a lot of stuff on it, the appliances are moving along...so whether or not I have a formal shower, I know my guests will bring their gifts with love, and I guess I can't ask for more.
