Ok, so without going into too much detail I asked my FSIL to be a bridesmaid a while ago. Her husband , FH's brother, is best man. Recently there's been some INTENSE family drama. Basically, FH's brother has screwed us ROYALLY and we do NOT want them in the wedding party. We don't even want them at the wedding!!!
My question is do we retract our BP invitations or do you think over the next 8 months or so it will be clear that the are not welcome in our lives?
I'm sorry if this is vague or difficult to follow I just can't say too much. Help, I've been so anxious about this!
Cutechef729
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Re: Regret BM choice
I'm sorry you guys are having a tough time! I think this is just something you have to give a little bit of cooling off time. I don't know all of the details but I'm sure your families will understand if you are really uncomfortable. It is your wedding! If leaving them in the wedding party is going to make your day less special, then you might want to retract your invitation. It's not something you will need to decide right away unless you're worried about ordering bm dresses and things like that. I'm sure everything will work out for you! Good luck!
TheMrandMrsof2008
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Re: Regret BM choice
I am in the same boat as you. Well my FH actually told his brother that there is noooo way his girlfriend/fiance will be coming to our wedding. I would try and smooth it over before the wedding, but you should definately not wait 8 months. You should give yourself some time to think about it, and then go ahead and talk to them.
Soon2beAlberti
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Re: Regret BM choice
I would say try and mediate the situation with a calm and collected neutral person from the fam ther eto make sure things don't get out of hand...and instead of retracting...maybe pose it as saying 'I feel we need to mediate a few things and get everything out in the open...obviously there is a bit of drama that has gone on and this leaves me a little confused about where we stand. We came to an agreement before all of this that you would take part and be involved in our wedding. We are very hurt by what is going on but we need to clear this up and find out where we stand because I don't know if I can get past this situation.'
JTsGal829
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Re: Regret BM choice
i say it depends. If you think that things may fix themselves and then retracting your invitation may only cause tension later on than maybe not.. because in the end he is FHs brother and they will always be family no matter what.. so that may cause more bad blood down the line. But if what they did was that bad.. and they really have hurt both of you or done something that really screwed you..and FH truly feels that he does not want his brother in or apart of the wedding.. then go ahead. You can always have FH say to his brother..what you did was really hurtful and i feel you and your wife aren't being supportive of my marriage so maybe you shouldn't stand up for us..etc. You shouldn't have to have people in your bridal party that have hurt you.. but sometimes things like this clear up and then it makes things more uncomfortable later on. I don't know what exactly happened.. but i think it depends totally on the situation. sorry..HTH
Mrs A in May
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Re: Regret BM choice
Thanks girls, you are so insightful! The BM dresses are already ordered which just adds to my dilemma!
But MAYBE things will calm down with time. Right now it's still fresh and I'm fuming just thinking about it. I just can't imagine at this point having to look at my wedding pictures and seeing their faces. Sorry if I sound like a lunatic!
Waiting on it and discussing it with them calmly seems like really good advice. I'll just have to keep my hands in my pockets while I'm doing it! LOL
Snowflake08
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Re: Regret BM choice
without knowing the whole stor- or -our intentions in regards to the famil- members its hard to sa-
i would wait a while and see what happens if u havent spoken to them in months, i cant see how the- would think the- were still involved
Mrs A in May
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Re: Regret BM choice
My mom is saying the same thing. That it will just be obvious after a while that they are not involved. I guess time will tell.
Snowflake08
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Posted by Mrs A in May
My mom is saying the same thing. That it will just be obvious after a while that they are not involved. I guess time will tell.
i agree sorr- u r going through this but if it that bad where u dont think the- will be involved in ur lives; i dont think it will even be a decision -
GinaBambina08
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Re: Regret BM choice
It's kind of hard to figure it out...do you think you'd be able to get over what was done to you guys in the future? In the near future? Was what they did forgiveable? If so, all four of you need to put your differences aside right away and try to work through the problem NOW. If you don't think you and your FH could ever forgive them, they need to be dropped from the BP immediately...if you try to work through it now but for some reason you guys still aren't seeing eye to eye or they don't seem sorry for what they did, let them know that you can't have them in your BP and although it's possible for you to forgive them in the future, you just can't bring yourself to do it right now... HTH
Mrs A in May
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Re: Regret BM choice
Yeah, that's another thing! They aren't even apologetic for what happened. No humility or shame. It's disgusting! Basically they put FMIL in a position where she could lose her house (where myself and FH also live!) How could you put your own mother at risk of being homeless!! It's such a long convoluted story but that's pretty much it. FH and his other brother had to act quickly and get lawyers involved and everything!
GinaBambina08
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Re: Regret BM choice
Posted by Mrs A in May
Yeah, that's another thing! They aren't even apologetic for what happened. No humility or shame. It's disgusting! Basically they put FMIL in a position where she could lose her house (where myself and FH also live!) How could you put your own mother at risk of being homeless!! It's such a long convoluted story but that's pretty much it. FH and his other brother had to act quickly and get lawyers involved and everything!
That is horrible, i'm so sorry to hear that! Honestly, the fact that they are unapologetic about what they did is unacceptable! Maybe you and FH should try to look at the situation from their point of view to see if you can justify their actions in any way...maybe they had a good reason for doing what they did though you might not realize it at first..if you still feel they were just being outrightly selfish, I would definitely understand why you wouldn't want to keep them in your BP
