Rehearsal Dinner Question! (sorry its long, but I need your advice)

Are you having any sort of rehearsal dinner or get-together the night before your wedding???

If you are, who do you plan on inviting?!


Here's my story ....

We are having an interfaith ceremony at the reception hall ... i'm jewish, fh is catholic.

We will not be doing any actual 'rehearsing' of the ceremony ... maybe a few funny speeches from the bp, we'd give the bp their gifts, etc.

I'm stuck in the middle between my mom who wants a huge 'let's invite EVERYONE' shindig and my fh who would much rather a small intimate family & bp dinner. I want to make everyone happy, and its just making me miserable!

My family is HUGE .... if we only invited aunts, uncles and cousins it would be a guest list of over 75+ people! FH says that's crazy to have that many people the night before our 175 person wedding, that he thinks it will make the wedding day less special or something.

I tried talking to my mom today about compromising on this one (ha!!) and not inviting children, and she basically had a fit. Its hard to ask her to compromise since my parents are paying for everything. I'm not sure yet who's paying for the RD, it might be my parents and it might be fh's parents.

Basically, these are the options I've come up with:

1) not do anything the night before! (maybe i'll get a good nights sleep?!)

2) make mom happy, let her invite who ever she wants ... whats the big deal?!

3) let fh have his way with this one and insist on a compromise from my mom.

I'm open to other suggestions, I'm just so frustrated right now and I don't know who else I can ask about this.

What to do? What to do?

First, What do you want???


We also got married at the hall, but still had the dinner... i had a lot of family in from OOT and wanted to see them all together in one place...the wedding is so hectic it is hard to do that...

we invited aunts, uncles, grandparents, and my little cousins who were all flowergirls... we also invited one of his close OOT friends... but that is it... I have a big family, but not 75 people like you... is there anyway to compromise in between your mom and FH?

Whoo boy.

We are starting to grapple with this one ourselves. FILs are paying for the bulk of the wedding. We are trying to figure out for ourselves if we're spending any time apart in the custom of some Jewish couples (one night? a whole week? oy). They REALLY want a RD. I'm torn, as we might be spending time apart.

But never underestimate the power of the purse. If it's really important to you guys that its really small, you could offer to pay for the rehearsal dinner yourselves, or ask his folks to pay for it. Also, i've found so far that spin helps. So don't tell her that it's because your FH wants a small rehearsal dinner, tell her it's because you both want a moment to spend more relaxed time with those closest to you right before the big day. Make it about her.

Or, as a way to limit the size, would limiting it to bridal party and out of towners in the night before help?

hth

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Posted by PreshusSmurf

Are you having any sort of rehearsal dinner or get-together the night before your wedding???

If you are, who do you plan on inviting?!


Here's my story ....

We are having an interfaith ceremony at the reception hall ... i'm jewish, fh is catholic.

We will not be doing any actual 'rehearsing' of the ceremony ... maybe a few funny speeches from the bp, we'd give the bp their gifts, etc.

I'm stuck in the middle between my mom who wants a huge 'let's invite EVERYONE' shindig and my fh who would much rather a small intimate family & bp dinner. I want to make everyone happy, and its just making me miserable!

My family is HUGE .... if we only invited aunts, uncles and cousins it would be a guest list of over 75+ people! FH says that's crazy to have that many people the night before our 175 person wedding, that he thinks it will make the wedding day less special or something.

I tried talking to my mom today about compromising on this one (ha!!) and not inviting children, and she basically had a fit. Its hard to ask her to compromise since my parents are paying for everything. I'm not sure yet who's paying for the RD, it might be my parents and it might be fh's parents.

Basically, these are the options I've come up with:

1) not do anything the night before! (maybe i'll get a good nights sleep?!)

2) make mom happy, let her invite who ever she wants ... whats the big deal?!

3) let fh have his way with this one and insist on a compromise from my mom.

I'm open to other suggestions, I'm just so frustrated right now and I don't know who else I can ask about this.

What to do? What to do?

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Thats tough

Since you arent technically doing a rehearsal maybe just do dinner with the parents and your BP....spend the night kind of hanging out with them.

GOod Luck

Traditionally, a RD is hosted by the groom's parents. The invited guests are the bridal party, the parents of both bride and groom, and the siblings of the bride and groom - that's it!

Now it is commonplace to include the SO's of the bridal party to the RD. As a nice gesture OOT guests can be invited.

However it is not a 'pre' party to the wedding where every single family member is included.

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Posted by October Bliss

Traditionally, a RD is hosted by the groom's parents. The invited guests are the bridal party, the parents of both bride and groom, and the siblings of the bride and groom - that's it!

Now it is commonplace to include the SO's of the bridal party to the RD. As a nice gesture OOT guests can be invited.

However it is not a 'pre' party to the wedding where every single family member is included.

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Agree with this.

Also, you don't have to do it the night before. I myself would like to save that night to relax and attempt to get some sleep.

how about saying that stuff about the wedding might be discussed among the bp and you dont want to invite all your relatives and ruin the surprise.

or even do a pretend 'rehersal' (even if it's just figuring out who's walking first/standing where) that way all the extra guests def. cannot see it -- therefore cannot be there!