Rehearsal dinner situation...what would you do? UPDATED

Okay. My FILs are paying for the rehearsal dinner. When i gave them our guest list, there was one couple (very close friends of my family who is flying in from California the week before the help out) who they felt shouldnt be invited and they REFUSED to pay for them. I was pi$$ed, but said, 'fine...chris and i will pay for them'.

This couple emailed me today asking if my FMIL would be sending them an invite for the RD. She said, if she is, would it be okay if they RSVP'd to ME, not my FILs since they were aware of the situation and knew WE were paying for them, not my ILs. Then it occurred to me....the RD invite says 'Mr. and Mrs. Edwin XXX cordially invite you to attend' -- that implies that THEY are paying. Since they arent paying for THIS couple, and WE are inviting them, not my FILs....shouldnt WE send them an invitation for the RD?? Maybe I'm fueling the fire...but honestly, im trying to make a point to FMIL. Its RUDE to exclude one couple becuase YOU feel they arent worthy of coming. Its OUR RD,not theirs and if they're footing the bill, that means the whole bill. Not picking and choosing who you will and will not pay for! I think its only right for them to not get credit for hosting for this couple, when they arent paying for them.

Am I taking this too far? Should I just shut up and let her send the invite, or should I sen my own? I'm afraid there might not be a nice way of telling FILs that I want to do this.

UPDATE: I spoke with FH and he said that HE will talk to FILs and tell them that if they are sending an invitation to this couple, they have to take their names off the invitation and replace it with our names. He feels that if they arent paying for them, they dont get to invite them and take all the credit. Yay!! so glad FH is on my side.

wow...see, if it were me, to make the point...i'd ask FIL's for the invite they are sending to everyone, then right in front of them, cross out their names, put mine and my phone number, seal it up, and send it off....this would make quite a point.

lol...

awww...the FILs are suking balls on this one.....BUT this is a 'choose your battles' kind of thing. the couple KNOWS that you are paying for them....so to make up an invite just for them, from you guys, and if your FIL's find out...they will be bitter and feel totally slighted. this could cause more stress and harsh feelings necessary.

i see why you'd want to do it, but i say just let them send the invite, cause in the end the couple already know that you are the ones being generous, not FILs!

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Posted by neener1211

wow...see, if it were me, to make the point...i'd ask FIL's for the invite they are sending to everyone, then right in front of them, cross out their names, put mine and my phone number, seal it up, and send it off....this would make quite a point.

lol...

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I wish i could do that! Fh would have a heart attack and it would start such a huge @ss fight between me and his parents.

Well since they are aware of the situation I would just let them know the date and the time of the RD and let your FIL's know that they will be attending. I wouldnt send a seperate invite from you and FH....... and I would make a note to tell FIL's that they do not need an invitation from you you will just give them the details and they will RSVP through you

Why are your FIL acting like that it is not like you are inviting the whole wedding party... if they want to pay for YOUR RD then they should pay for the people that you would be inviting if you were throwing it yourself..

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Posted by AeroJenn

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Posted by neener1211

wow...see, if it were me, to make the point...i'd ask FIL's for the invite they are sending to everyone, then right in front of them, cross out their names, put mine and my phone number, seal it up, and send it off....this would make quite a point.

lol...

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I wish i could do that! Fh would have a heart attack and it would start such a huge @ss fight between me and his parents.

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if it will start a fight don't do it, but it would be priceless to see the look on their faces, no?

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Posted by MJDoc12

awww...the FILs are suking balls on this one.....BUT this is a 'choose your battles' kind of thing. the couple KNOWS that you are paying for them....so to make up an invite just for them, from you guys, and if your FIL's find out...they will be bitter and feel totally slighted. this could cause more stress and harsh feelings necessary.

i see why you'd want to do it, but i say just let them send the invite, cause in the end the couple already know that you are the ones being generous, not FILs!

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I agree you may not want to start WW3 over this. I hope that your inlaws will just pay for them and tell you to forget about giving them the money when you try. The couple is already aware of the situation and I would let it end there. Your inlaws are paying for the RD which some peoples aren't at all.. Good luck

To keep the peace I would not send out another invitation. Don't 4get that these are your FH's parents and will have 2 deal with them. Just tell the couple 2 send the invite back 2 ur IL's. Either way in the end you are the bigger person....

Listen 2 me, I can't stand my FMIL!!!

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Posted by AeroJenn

UPDATE: I spoke with FH and he said that HE will talk to FILs and tell them that if they are sending an invitation to this couple, they have to take their names off the invitation and replace it with our names. He feels that if they arent paying for them, they dont get to invite them and take all the credit. Yay!! so glad FH is on my side.

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It's awesome that FH is on your side, but I would still say this is a 'pick your battles' moment. These folks are going to be a part of your life for a long time; only you can decide if it's worth it on this.

Wow, that's crazy. So far, we haven't had any insane moments with both sets of parents... I think i must be pretty darn lucky.

I'm spitful so I def wouldn't take the high road on this one. I don't know who is paying for your reception...but if your parents, or you and your FH are...I would tell your FIL's that they need to take someone off the wedding list. Tell them that since you are covering the expense of your friends for the RD....you can't pay for one of their couples to attend the wedding.