Rehearsal dinners...need advice

aliciahelene Posted: Jun 26, 2003 11:26 AM

Rehearsal dinners...need advice

I need some serious opinions..we are paying for our wedding ourselves..we arent having a rehearsal until the day of the wedding because its in a small chapel right next to our reception place..so teh groom goes in for a few minutes they tell him what to do and I go in for a few minutes ..thats it. We will be decorating the chapel the night before as well. So I know people have the dinner the night before to thank guests for coming in from out of town and to thank the bridal party..here is my dillemma..we are stressed about money..I know traditionally the grooms family pays for it..but i dont think it will happen in our situation, my parenst arent paying for the wedding, they are helping out a bit as much as they can..but neverthe less, we are strssed. We werent even going to have a dinner the night before..but now am thinking about it..its just that the majority of our guests are coming from out of town..neither us are from teh east coast..so most of our family and friends will be flying to come to our wedding..so do we invite EVERYONE..it would be around 50- 60 people..so if we should do it, does anyone know of any good but resonable prices near Roslyn? Or does anyone have any ideas of how we can do this? Im stressed!

sn00k4 Posted: Jun 26, 2003 12:09 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

We paid for our wedding and the rehearsal dinner ourselves and decided that we were only going to pay for those people who were in the wedding. I know that typically you're supposed to invite those out-of-town guests as well, but we just couldn't afford it... So it ultimately depends on you...

Do you know someone in the restaurant business? If you do, that would help considerably!

aliciahelene Posted: Jun 26, 2003 12:32 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

I know a few people in the restaurant business..but we are in Jersey and the wedding is in Long Island..I may just do it for immediate family and bridal party..otherwise it will be like having two weddings and that is rediculous..
Thanks for your response!!

Lunatrek Posted: Jun 26, 2003 12:51 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

My RD (Even though my FILs are paying for it) will only be immediate family and the wedding party. Not more than 25 people. We're not having a ceremony rehearsal because we're not getting married in a church, but we wanted to have everyone get together so we can thank them and hand out gifts. A few of my friends and family members are from out of town as well (upstate and NJ), so our RD will begin at 1pm. That way, whoever has booked a hotel room can check in after it's over, but whoever has to drive back home again still has enough time before they have to turn around and come right back to LI the next morning!

I feel your pain... this arrangement was NOT an easy one for us either!

pschica Posted: Jun 26, 2003 12:55 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

i think we have to do the same too - we have like 75-90 out of towners plus bp, parents, us, etc....no way can we afford it!

Sunny Posted: Jun 26, 2003 01:11 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

This is the exact same issue I am having. Let me know what you come up with!

Sassy Posted: Jun 26, 2003 01:13 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

I had the same exact issue.
I only invited the BP (which was HUGE)
and the sig. others only if they came from out of town. I still had about 40 ppl this way.
I had it at Olive Garden, which was the best decision. It was only 12.95 pp for the menu I chose, inlcuded breadsticks salad and soft drinks and entree, dessert.

Kids meals were $8

Good Luck

aliciahelene Posted: Jun 26, 2003 02:14 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

Yeah..this is very hard..I would definately need to have liquor included which will end up almost costing similar to a wedding..its out of hand. I checked in an ettiquette book and it did say that rehearsal dinners are given when it is a traditional wedding, brides parents paying for the wedding,grooms parenst take of the rehearsal dinner..if its not traditional , a rehearsal is NOT expected. Alot of people do a breakfast the next day to thank family etc. for coming..but it still all adds up. My sister had a point, she said Im not havinga traditional wedding..Im not even having a rehearsal..she said we are thanking the out of town guests by giving them an exceptional night at our wedding..its just getting out of hand..somethings gotta give! Both of our families are too large..he has family coming from Trinidad, my family is in Oklahoma , California and Texas..not to mention a good chunk of friends..so someone would get hurt if we limited who we invited! I feel sick about this...this reminds me of why VEgas looked so good to me!

cluelessbride Posted: Jun 26, 2003 02:21 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

Have you thought about having a casual buffet dinner, catered but in your parent's home? My cousin did this, and had different kinds of hot and cold pastas, meatballs, eggplant, etc and then coffee and cookies. I think it was catered by a local Italian restaurant and they brought in sternos and stuff. People got to mingle and it was really fun. Call around, you might be able to do it for about $20 per person.

Edited to add: I would only invite the BP and family, I don't think you are under any obligation to invite others, and like your sister said, you are inviting them to your beautiful wedding! That is good enough, really.

aliciahelene Posted: Jun 26, 2003 02:23 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

My parents live in Oklahoma...I live in Jersey, but we will all be in LOng Island for the wedding staying i a hotel. Otherwise that would have been a great idea! I ahve one sister in Jersey, but she lives near PA..it just wouldnt work.

june262004 Posted: Jun 26, 2003 02:26 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

I keep bringing up the idea to my FI that we should have like a party at one of our parents houses with theme. Like a lua (SP) this way you can invite more people and it might be fun if everyone where like Hawaiian shirts and u buy some lays at the party store. Can everyone in your family help and make one dish each?

cluelessbride Posted: Jun 26, 2003 02:26 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

In that case I would look for an inexpensive restaurant (maybe the Olive Garden?) and only invite your BP and family. Or try zagat.com for restaurants.

Does your hotel have a restaurant?

june262004 Posted: Jun 26, 2003 02:28 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

when we went to Georgia for a wedding (only the bride and groom lived there everyone lived here even their families) they have a rehersal dinner in the covention room of their hotel. all they had was heros and cold salads IT was so much fun.

Sassy Posted: Jun 26, 2003 02:33 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

Why do you have to have liquor?
We didnt. If they want it, they could order it from the bar on their own, which some of our people did. Nobody expected liquor at both the RD AND the Wedding....... It doesnt have to be a free for all.

regina2 Posted: Jun 26, 2003 02:48 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

If you are all staying at a hotel, I would see if they had a conference room and have a buffet catered. Get some beer and wine...

That would be too much if it is just the immediate family and wedding party.

That is all I'm having is immediate family and wedding party which is like 30 people..I'm not having two weddings just one!!! Infact I told my father that his wife's children are not invited, because if they were then we would have to invite all the out of town guests

aliciahelene Posted: Jun 26, 2003 02:49 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

None of my family lives here..no aunts or uncles, no cousins..I have one out my five brothers and sisters who live here..ALL of my family lives out of state..way out of state..Im in a jam!

Sassy Posted: Jun 26, 2003 02:54 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

You know what. Don't stress abou it. If they are good family they will understand you are paying this yourself, they should not mind a low key RD or luncheon. Give them some credit, even speak to them about it.
I'm sure you're more worried than you need to be.

aliciahelene Posted: Jun 26, 2003 03:53 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

I hope you are right..I am very stressed..thanks for your encouraging words!!

bedda26 Posted: Jun 26, 2003 04:46 PM

Re: Rehearsal dinners...need advice

When is your wedding? I am having my rehearsal dinner this saturday, my wedding is July 6. What we did was have food catered to our house. My church is 2 blocks away from house so my mom was like 'why not have it at the house, we can walk to the church and walk home and eat' So we ordered the food, it will be set up so that the people will serve themselves we just told the restaurant how many people we were planning on having and it is costing us $300.00 and we're having like 40 people.
you can always try having it catered.