LIWeddings.com
Post New Topic

Relocation??? Would you leave your family for your future family?

Original post by Mrs.Ptobe

I never thought I'd do it again... I lived in Chicago for 3 years... loved it, but moved back due to my mom getting sick. My parent's are talking about moving out of NY anyway in the coming years to retire. They have no mortgage, but $13,000 in taxes in Suffolk which is crazy for them since there kids will all be out within the next year.

Over the weekend FH went visit his brother and SIL in Lancaster, PA - you may know that place as the 'Amish Country'. Yeah, well, FH and I have been very stressed about finances. We both have good jobs, but it's never enough around here. We bought a house - a 3 bedroom ranch about 3 years ago in Nassau County on 40x100 lot and taxes around $6k - definitely no bargain, but today the house would sell for over $100k more than we bought it for... however, even with that if we were to buy a bigger house to start a family we'd be still increasing our mortage and of course the taxes. We both agree, we want/need 5 bedrooms (FH has a son and he works from home and requires a home office), at least 2.5 bathrooms and want a big yard for our kids (plus a pool/deck for us). FH and I always imagined that I would stay home and raise our children, maybe do something p/t, but lately my debts vs. my income just seem so out of sink that I really worry that I will have to work... not to maintain a fancy lifestyle, but to avoid bankruptsy. I have student loans and put a lot of home improvements for this house on credit. In all honesty, and I'm a real estate agent so I get all the info - I don't see us affording such a home and still have me stay home to raise our kids.

So again, over the weekend FH went to an open house with his brother in Lancaster and asked me tonight to consider Manheim Township in Lancaster. We could have one of those huge brick houses that my MOH who lives in Woodbury has, but it would cost less than our house costed 3 years ago. He told me then we can start a family sooner and he would take care of my debt while I stay home and be a f/t mom. I honestly don't want kids if I have to work a 9-5, no offense to anyone who does it... actually, I admire someone who has the stamina to do so... I have enough trouble getting going in the morning without the extra work of children. One of my co-workers is so dranied from coming back to work after having her baby and all she does is miss her baby all day... I can't blame her.

So do I forfeit staying here on LI with the few friends I have, the little family I have left, to move to the boon docks where I know no one (granted I had more friends in Chicago where I once knew no one so I know how to branch out and meet people) except FH's brother and SIL (and for the record... FSIL and I don't get along, we have nothing in common)?

I'm just concerned about decent schools, I don't want FBIL and FSIL to be our only companions (we live a very different lifestyle and are not very compatible - hard to explain on here) and I told FH that if he means what he says about taking on my debt, he'd better be darn sure he can live with it... I don't want to hear 10 years from now about what he had to give up to pay back my student loan while I wasn't working. I want us to be happy, and I personally hate my job, I love my boss, but hate my job, my boss hates our job, everyone at my company seems to be unhappy and looking to make a career change and yet stuck in this. I always thought that I wanted to be a stay at home mom, but on the other hand, I've been working since I'm 14 years old and I'm not comfortable asking others for money. I couldn't imagine asking FH for my 'allowance', it just suddenly seemed wierd, but he said that it's what he expected when I became a mom, that I would tend to it f/t. I mean I want to, I hardly have a career at this point, just a job to pay my bills - and actually I work 3 jobs right now - the one that pays my bills 8:30-5:30 every day, teach gymnastics and trying to do Real Estate, so I'm spent! If anything it may give me a fresh start. In PA I can probably use my Master's degree in Higher Ed Administration/Counseling... here on LI the colleges don't pay even close to the menial salary I make at the corporate job I hate. Or maybe I could even go back to school for something else... who knows.

Would you leave LI to make your future family plans easier?
Robeymuse Posted:

Re: Relocation??? Would you leave your family for your future family?

I moved half way across the country for DH and his family. Yes, I do miss NY and my family but it was the best decision I made for my future family.

natinwpb Posted:

Re: Relocation??? Would you leave your family for your future family?

I am originally from LI and moved to FL when I was 16 because my dad transferred. It's only been the 3 of us there for the last 16yrs and now I'm moving to Seattle with FH. I feel extremely bad leaving my parents in FL alone, but we want a nice house in a nice place and it just isn't do-able here. The median price of a home in Palm Bch Cty is now over 400k and the taxes and homeowner's insurance is ridiculous. Not to mention the hurricanes.We can have a huge 4 bedroom home right outside of Seattle for 300k. In FL I'm lucky if that gets me a condo anymore plus I hate it here. They are handing every square inch of land over to developers. My parents want out too so I'm hoping they move closer to us.

july06bride Posted:

Re: Relocation??? Would you leave your family for your future family?

We are in a similar situation. Fh is up for a job for corporate audits which would eman he has to travel every 4 months. we know starting off the first 2 years of our marriage not together is not good so I will be going with him and we will have our new home as 'home base'
My parents are moving to CT to ve closer to me and here I am leaving for 2 years.. of course coming home and such but not living there...FH's family is in CT and our friends are in CT...BUT we know that this career opportunity is one we can't let go...financially it will mean wonders for our future... so as hard as it is going to be we can't pass it up... SO, I suggest that you do what is best for you and your future /family...it is all for the best in the long run
Blu-ize Posted:

Re: Relocation??? Would you leave your family for your future family?

You can always try it. NY will always be here. You can always come back if you are miserable. Talk to him about that option if you are truly not happy. Make sure that he will be on the same page as you.

You have nothing to lose quite frankly. I would give it a try.
roxyspark Posted:

Re: Relocation??? Would you leave your family for your future family?

FI and I moved to Los Angeles last year because of his job.
It was really tough at first, since I did not know anyone out here and I had to learn how to get around a new city, not to mention that Los Angelinos are a little weird.
I was very homesick and it has been difficult to make friends, but it does get easier everyday.
Careerwise, for him, it is fantastic. He has already been promoted twice.
I was able to find a job that I love within a month of moving here. So that has been great as well.







AlliNMatt06 Posted:

Re: Relocation??? Would you leave your family for your future family?

Posted by cherryj24

Posted by AlliNMatt06

Well, me and FH have been thinking of moving a lot lately. We just haven't figured out were. We are thinking Upstate (Saratoga), North Carolina, Virginia, Tennessee.
We just think of the wonderful life we could have! I love New York, but I am not a career oriented person. I think you have to be to live here. Everyone is always so money hungry and in a rush. I figure if we move, we could have a beautiful house for less. We could have a better life for ourselves and our kids. In our case, my sister and her family, My in laws and my parents, plan to move as well.

What you have to find out is what areas works for you. There are some places I refuse to go, It is just to rustic for me. I need a big town, with shops, mall, big movie theater, golf. You get the idea. A lot of the places we are looking have this. You have to go and travel to Lancaster and stay for a couple of days. Talk to locals, research the school system, Explore. You might hate it!! Or you might love it. You have to go and look yourself. You will make friends, especially when you have kids.
Just remember that once you leave LI, it is hard to come back. (MOney!!!!)

You also have to figure out if you would want to be a Stay at home mother. It doesn't seem like you are 100% about it. If you are committed happy married couple, you shouldn't feel like you are getting an allowance. It should be both your money.

I would love to be a stay at home mom, with a part time job. That will me idle. With my career I can do that!

It is a rough decision!


Wow Tennessee, I thought my FH was the only one who wanted to move there. It is beautiful and a nice way to live but I can't leave my mom so I told him we will get a second home there and when my mom gets older move down there FT. Sounds like a fair deal to me
No offense to anyone, but I can't deal with all the run down trailers, that's not what we see around here and I think it is awful. (not ones that are kept nice)


I am not in any rush to move to Tennesse. The reason I say this is because, my Fh friends father is building 60 houses in Tennesse. We could buy one very easily and FH said the area where he is building is very built up and just like LI. Trust me I can't deal with broken down trailers either. Plus, I hate country music. It was just one of our many choices.
Mrs.Ptobe Posted:

Re: Relocation??? Would you leave your family for your future family?

Well, at least I'm not alone. I showed FH a bunch of homes out in Eastern Suffolk County and he was open to them. We even saved the Multiple Listing Search and we'll see what comes of it - it's slow this time of year anyway, but can be a good time to buy and then put our house on the market in the spring when demand is higher.

We talked about his brother. I saw on a map that Manheim is the neighboring town to Lancaster. I told him too that I think the Poconos is more of the upcoming developing area. I also did say that he just better not be leaving me at home while he goes out and enjoys time with his brother too often - especially in the beginning. Not saying he shouldn't enjoy himself, but I told him that if we move I expect that we find couples more like us than his brother and sister in law. I can't see myself with their lifestyle. I'm a health nut/freak - whatever, they are the total opposite. I enjoy yoga classes and health food, I can't imagine trying to force a friendship with his sister in law who thinks those very things are 'dumb' as she said to me right to my face! Yeah, she's a little pushy. I know I could shop and stuff on my own, but I do have some friends here on LI I have no one there, but FH does. FH says he'll want to get involved in the community if we move to PA. However, I asked him why he doesn't do that here and he said b/c he doesn't like the area! I don't know what it is he's looking for. He also said 'you've lived out of NY, I've always wanted to and never had the chance b/c my father coxed me into going to college here'.

While I agree you can come back... it is not that easy. Honestly if we left I wouldn't say that we could ever be able to come back to half of what we even have now. To illustrate... when I lived in Chicago I had a one bedroom apartment in a great part of the ciy in 2000 for $670/month, my salary there was okay for that kind of payment. When I moved back here, I looked for STUDIOS and forget the city - those were $1300 a month or more, and being single when I moved back I was trying to stay in the city. My salary was only $2k more than in Chicago, so not enough to make an impact. I ended up living with my p's until I met FH. Also, another quick illustration... FH bought our house here in Nassau County in July, 2003. His brother also bought his house in Lancaster, PA in June 2003. FH has made approx over $100k just by looking at avg prices houses have sold for in our area. His brother's neighbor just sold a house on his block for only $30k more than his brother paid for his house in 2003. So FH made over $100k in 2.5 years... his brother only about $30k... I'm not sure how you could move back unless you inherit money, get some amazing job or find a forclosure or something. It's not that easy to move back - you do have to be pretty sure.
jellybean1420 Posted:

Re: Relocation??? Would you leave your family for your future family?

I would love to leave Long Island. I feel like no matter how much money you make, trying to buy a house and pay taxes here you are still going to live pay check to pay check. It is insane. Some people dont mind doing it....I do especially when I know I can have a better quality of life elsewhere.

I am applying for law schools in around here but also out of state as well. FH is a cop so he can do a lateral transfer to some areas but it is a big decision b/c if we don't like it, he can't just come back. I know my parents are looking to move when they retire, they dislike it on LI as much as I do. It is a big decision, but I think overall, it is less stressful living elsewhere where it is 75% cheaper to live.
ckgmwedding Posted:

Re: Relocation??? Would you leave your family for your future family?

Relocating is easier than it appears after time. I wish I had relcated somewhere cheaper- unfortunately its more expensive than NY here in Southern CA. But that being said my DH and I are far from most of our family including my parents who we both love a lot and its ok. You will at least be close to visit those that you love. And one day you will wake up to your beautiful children and be the SAHM or in a new exciting career and realize you built a life there together. I say go for it!
ckgmwedding Posted:

Re: Relocation??? Would you leave your family for your future family?

Posted by roxyspark

FI and I moved to Los Angeles last year because of his job.
It was really tough at first, since I did not know anyone out here and I had to learn how to get around a new city, not to mention that Los Angelinos are a little weird.
I was very homesick and it has been difficult to make friends, but it does get easier everyday.
Careerwise, for him, it is fantastic. He has already been promoted twice.
I was able to find a job that I love within a month of moving here. So that has been great as well.





I am here in LA if you are homesick for NY people. Its hard to find our 'type' of people in the beginning but after 7 years I found a bunch. You two are free to join us anytime!


Reply to this topic

Log in to reply or quote a post.