Re:Money Questions.

Hi,
Thanks to everyone who has been helping me out with my questions..I have another one. If I can ask..how is everyone working their money situation. As far as bride and grooms parents and who pays for what. My fiance and I want to have a nice wedding but his parents don't even plan on giving us half the money...my parents can't afford to pay the rest..I was wondering what u guys think as far as that goes. Do u think both sets of parents should go 50-50 or do u think the brides parents should pay for most of it? I would appreciate any help u guys can give me.
Thanks,

My fiance and I are both have jobs and decided to pay for the wedding ourselves. Luckily we have some savings put aside and are continually setting aside money for the wedding. Our parents can't really afford to pay for the wedding. Any contributions they will give will probably be as a wedding gift. Other couples I've spoken to took out a loan for their wedding.

Regardless of whether it is fair or not, no one's parents are required to pay for anything at any of our weddings if they haven't offered. You can ask but if they are not willing, so be it. Try not to compare your situation with other people's. It can only breed anger and resentment. I mean this with only the best of intentions. Good luck :o)

I agree with what Karen has said, and I think most would agree that ALOT of couples are paying for the wedding or at least a very large portion of it themselves.

Traditionally, the brides parents pay for the wedding. I don't think you can expect or demand the grooms parents to pay 50% unless they have offered that to you.

How about you and your fiance pay for it. That is what I am doing. If you can't afford it yourselves maybe you should look into ways to make it cheaper such as smaller amount of guests, off-season or just a cheaper place.

Regardless of whether it is fair or not, no one's parents are required to pay for anything at any of our weddings if they haven't offered. You can ask but if they are not willing, so be it. Try not to compare your situation with other people's. It can only breed anger and resentment. I mean this with only the best of intentions. Good luck :o)

I agree with what Karen has said, and I think most would agree that ALOT of couples are paying for the wedding or at least a very large portion of it themselves.

Allison - As the responses clearly show there is no right or wrong way to pay for a wedding today.

I am sure your famailes will do what they can to support you and your new husband. There are ways to have a beautiful wedding on LI for less than $20,000. Think about what you can afford and go from there unless you want to start out in debt.

My fiance and I are paying for the whole wedding. My father might give us some money but as a gift. I am not relying on his money when I do my budget.

Unless your parents specifically told you they would pay for the whole thing I would not assume anything.

I understand that both parents should give money because they want to. But since I just graduated from college and have only been working at my job for 3 months and my fiance has a lot of expenses to pay we are basically relying on our parents. My parents feel that it is the parents responsibility to pay for the wedding. Like I said my parents are willing to pay half of the costs if his parents will pay the other half..but they seem to be living in the days where weddings were cheap and don't realize that a wedding can cost around $24-25,000...its not fair if my parents give most of the money and his parents give like $3-4,000...my parernts can't afford to pay for most of it. My mom has quite a number of friends whose daughters are getting married and the grooms parents are giving half for the wedding. I think in this day and age that its not the brides parents who should pay for the wedding.
Allison

How about you and your fiance pay for it. That is what I am doing. If you can't afford it yourselves maybe you should look into ways to make it cheaper such as smaller amount of guests, off-season or just a cheaper place.

Maybe you should consider scaling back on your plans or put the wedding off until you can afford it. We have been dating for five years and will be engaged two years this May. Our wedding was delayed because of money issues and hasn't hurt us one bit.

In this day and age, the bride and groom are taking on the responsibility of the expenses more and more. Just something to consider.

I agree with Karen. Parents shouldn't be expected to pay money toward the wedding. It should be as a gift if THEY choose, not because some old tradition or because some magazine says.

Good luck!

Kathi,

I think I'm going to cry too!! How touching!!

I think I'm going to cry too!! How touching!!

I think each situation is unique-- as we all have been reading...I agree with what was said about resentment... dont expect and you wont be disappointed.
In our situation my FI father offered to pay half assuming that my Mom was paying the other half-- but she cant afford that and we knew that from the beginning--- I think they are being more than generous because they can be-- and I would love to know how you have a wedding under $20, 000 on LI ;-) I know you can-- but we blew our budget months ago !!! Thank God we only have a little over 3 months to go.....

Our budget from day one was $15,000, and we're sticking to it. Are we making sacrifices? You bet. Are they worth it? Absolutely!

Since I didn't want this to be a 'NM' (NO MORE) message so I thought I'd also add:

My parents have this philosophy for their four children...

We are practically neighbors, we live in Yonkers. Just out of curiousity, have you checked Margaret Pike Studio, they are or were right next door to Mulligans. Maybe they offer that.

Kate-- it sounds like you made your day very memorable by all the work you put into it ;-)
Do you have pictures of the blue hydrangea bouquets? My FG's are going to carry them and it would be great to see a pic

Allison:

Our budget from day one was $15,000, and we're sticking to it. Are we making sacrifices? You bet. Are they worth it? Absolutely!

I know the other option is to not apply for dispensation but then our marriage will be only 'approved' by the Church, but not recognized.

Kate,
Your flowers are beautiful....may I ask who your florist was? My wedding is in April and I still don't have a florist! Any info you can provide is much appreciated! Thanks!

Incidentally, do you know if she works with other musicians? If so, can you point me in her direction? Thanks!