Repost from BHB: my first Vent -- FSIL -- support, please

I had been worried about her coming with us for bridesmaid dress shopping b/c she's very self-conscious about her figure and she tends to be nervous and negative.

so she starts in with the rapid-fire questioning: do you want us to be in a straight skirt, a-line, full, satin, chiffon, sleeves, no sleeves, i'm really nervous about strapless, i dont' think you want to see me in strapless, what color do you want? I would really love to have this color, what do you think, how do you want us to wear our hair, (she then interrogates each of myother bm's about how they will wear their hair), do you want us to have flowers in our hair, headpieces...? (in my head, i'm like, headpieces on bms...what the?)

seriously without taking a breath in between all of her questions.

I asked her to just relax and try to enjoy the process. we have 6 mos to figure out the details. let's just all pick out some dresses and try them on. you can't decide on all these criteria ahead of time. my only request was a chiffon like material b/c my gown has organza overlay and wouldn't look as nice with satin bm dresses. As for hair, etc, I want everyone to be comfortable, I don't have strict criteria.

ok, but do you want us to have dye to match shoes, gold shoes, silver shoes..., what kind of tuxedo do you want Terry in, I like this and that.., do you? ok, i can tell from your reaction that you don't....(my only reaction is stunned silence)

I told her that Terry wanted to be in charge of picking out the tuxedos and I trust his judgment.

She just keeps harping on me, yes, but what do you like? bow tie, long tie, ascot, color, white, black, grey? how bout this or that? just tell me b/c I have influence over him.

Now, I'm really holding back. I want to tell her to just shut the F up and keep her nose out of it.

THEN she actually ROLLS Her eyes at me and lets out an exasperated sigh, and says, 'Geez, just make a decision already!'

Like I'm going to let her pressure me into making a split second decision about these things when there is no rush to figure out every detail that day.

I just laughed it off, but I needed to get it out because it's been festering inside me since then.

I know this was long, so if you made it this far, thanks so much for listening and helping me blow off steam!

ETA: I would love to hear your comments! I need the support, please! TIA

psycho control freak. keep her away from FH

Not everyone has every detail figured out yet. I would appreciate it if you would just take a breath and let us all figure out together, ok?

How's that?

Or you could slip some prozac in her drink the next time?

Just kidding there, I know someone just like that. Someone less diplomatic than me actually told her that when she freaks like that, she makes everyone else nervous and not want to be around her.

So she was hurt but asked me later if it was really that bad and I was honest but kind. She took it to heart and tried her best to curb her excitable nature. She really did not know how neurotic she was.

Maybe if you took her aside and told her that you are trying your best and you need her to be there for you, to be calmer for you, to understand that these processes take time? If you put it like that, that she would be helping you out as a favor, maybe she'll be more apt to try.

Wow, great advice from everyone!!

I truly appreciate the support.

Yes, she is FH's older sister and that does have a lot to do with it, very true.

Thanks so much for ideas on how to talk to her. I think I will definitely do that to address it to her. I definitely don't want to be bullied by anybody, so if she keeps it up, she will defly move to a 'need to know' basis.

And yes, she is also excited. I think she just has a different way of showing it.

The rest of my bms are all pretty laid back like me, so she's the one that stands out.

Thanks again everyone! I feel much better and have an idea how to handle it constructively!

May you all have nice and productive weekends!

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Posted by greenfreak

Or you could slip some prozac in her drink the next time?

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Careful! Did anyone else see CSI this week??

But really, she sounds like a whole lot of fun to deal with. Don't let her make you nuts (I know, I know, easier said than done!)

Is there any way you could enlist some help from someone else in the family too? My Mom has been running interference between myself and my sisters, lighting fires under their ***es to get their kid's outfits settled. It's her way of helping.

I think the non-inclusive idea should probably be a last resort though. I had to do the same with someone for various reasons when I came to the conclusion that it's just her nature and there's nothing I can do about it. That kind of hurt can last a lifetime, and I'm sure there is retaliation in my future. But the person I'm not including can be pretty vindictive. Your FSIL doesn't sound like that, just really high-maintenance.