I haven't really posted much about my dating scenerio lately. As of now, I've been seeing the guy I met on St. Patrick's Day... I can't even count how many dates we have been on. I've been to the U2 concert with him, have been to his house several times, he's been to mine- even met mrswask on the boardwalk!! asked me to a wedding in July... So things are really going well. I met his brother and sister and law one time when I was up at his house- hes met my sister/brother in law and my traveling buddy christine when he came down here. We speak everyday.....
sorry its long but i had to set up the background..
this is the question.. I am starting to fall for this guy. Every time I see him it gets harder when he leaves to go back home (he lives about an hour away) We don't see each other every weekend since he is a cop and is on a rotating schedule... we try our best though with opposite schedules. At this point I kind of want to know where things are great, but I don't like to ASSUME anything plus I am very sensitive and do not want my heart broken again..
I know at this stage in my life we dont say the typical, will you be my boyfriend or something silly like that but I want to know if I am the only one he's dating, are we a couple? I just dont know how to bring it up?I dont want to scare him by thinking I want to jump into anything too serious if hes not ready. I like the way things are but I know me. in the beginning, I could care less, but now I am starting to care and if I found out he was dating others, I would be upset at this point.
I just don't know how to approach this conversation.. I just don't want it to backfire because things are going so well. any suggestions??? sorry so long...
marymoon
Posted:
Member since
Re: repost from LIF- need my LIW girls' advice...
It's a toughie. If you don't want to just ask him, and say hey where do you see this going? then maybe just tune into his actions. I think inviting you to the wedding is a biggie, along with the fact that you've met part of his family and vice versa. Maybe you should wait until the wedding and see how he introdcues you and how people react to you. I think that could be a big clue. If he says 'this is my gf kristi' you have your answer, or if someone says 'so this is the one we've heard so much about', rather than if no one knows who you are, etc. If you really don't just want to straight up ask him, I think the wedding will give a huge clue.
dpli
Posted:
Member since
Re: repost from LIF- need my LIW girls' advice...
When this came up with DH, I think I just said something along the lines of, 'I was wondering if we are on the same wavelength, and wanted to know if you are seeing anyone else.' Like you, I was a bit afraid to invest a lot emotionally if he wasn't feeling the same way. For me, it was awkward to bring it up, but once I started, it was easier to just get it out and get my answer than to beat around the bush.
DH was shocked that I even asked and assured me that as far as he was concerned, we were exclusive - and then asked me if I was seeing anyone else
HearzBellz
Posted:
Member since
Re: repost from LIF- need my LIW girls' advice...
Posted by marymoon
It's a toughie. If you don't want to just ask him, and say hey where do you see this going? then maybe just tune into his actions. I think inviting you to the wedding is a biggie, along with the fact that you've met part of his family and vice versa. Maybe you should wait until the wedding and see how he introdcues you and how people react to you. I think that could be a big clue. If he says 'this is my gf kristi' you have your answer, or if someone says 'so this is the one we've heard so much about', rather than if no one knows who you are, etc. If you really don't just want to straight up ask him, I think the wedding will give a huge clue.
I agree.....how he introduces you at a formal affair could be a huge clue, and it eliminates that awkward conversation about the *status* of the relationship. But then again..... I am so far out of preactice I could not know what the he!! I am saying.
prncssrachel
Posted:
Member since
Re: repost from LIF- need my LIW girls' advice...
Personally, I've been in similar situations. I find that the best, yet most awkward, thing to do is just talk to the guy. Just tell him what you told us. You really like him, but you need to know if this is somethign more than casual dating. It will feel weird to be so straight forward, but at least you will get your answer for sure. I don't know, I guess I just feel like if the guy is really that great, then you can put yourself out there, as uncomfortable as it is, and he will too. If he doesn't put himself out there, as well, then I guess you have your answer, and although it will still hurt, you can move on. JMO.
AJsMommy122
Posted:
Member since
Re: repost from LIF- need my LIW girls' advice...
Posted by marymoon
Maybe you should wait until the wedding and see how he introdcues you and how people react to you. I think that could be a big clue. If he says 'this is my gf kristi' you have your answer, or if someone says 'so this is the one we've heard so much about', rather than if no one knows who you are, etc. If you really don't just want to straight up ask him, I think the wedding will give a huge clue.
I agree with the first half about talking to him and the face he invited you to the wedding is a big sign as well as the fact you have met some of his family.
BUT I don't agree with the second half. I would NOT wait to the wedding to find out where you stand. Only b/c you have said you are already falling for him and have feelings for him. IF he happens to introduce you as his 'Good friend' or something other then his girlfriend you will probably get hurt/upset and I dont think the middle of someone's wedding is the time for that b/c then you are stuck there with him!!!! I would go into the wedding knowing where I stand so that there are no suprises.
JMHO
SweetCin704
Posted:
Member since
Re: repost from LIF- need my LIW girls' advice...
Posted by prncssrachel
Personally, I've been in similar situations. I find that the best, yet most awkward, thing to do is just talk to the guy. Just tell him what you told us. You really like him, but you need to know if this is somethign more than casual dating. It will feel weird to be so straight forward, but at least you will get your answer for sure. I don't know, I guess I just feel like if the guy is really that great, then you can put yourself out there, as uncomfortable as it is, and he will too. If he doesn't put himself out there, as well, then I guess you have your answer, and although it will still hurt, you can move on. JMO.
I agree fully with Rachel. It sounds like things are going really great! I guess its hard though, especially working on opposite schedules.
Also, its been over 3 months already, I think at this point the 'talk' should be expected.
I say lay it on the table....
Good luck!!!!!!!
sarahthegreat
Posted:
Member since
Re: repost from LIF- need my LIW girls' advice...
i think i agree with the majority here - the wedding invite is a big step, but that you need to have a 'chat' before to see where things are at. you deserve to know, don't wait for the man to instigate the conversation....
hmm8191
Posted:
Member since
Re: repost from LIF- need my LIW girls' advice...
Posted by SweetCin704
Posted by prncssrachel
Also, its been over 3 months already, I think at this point the 'talk' should be expected.
I say lay it on the table....
Good luck!!!!!!!
This is exactly what I was thinking.
kdelace
Posted:
Member since
Re: repost from LIF- need my LIW girls' advice...
i know what i have to do- im just a chicken......
aliciahelene
Posted:
Member since
Re: repost from LIF- need my LIW girls' advice...
Of course you are the only one he's dating!!! Look at you..you are gorgeous..unless hes blind..how could he find better than you!!! (unless of course, he met me!! Just kidding)..but seriously..I am sure he couldnt possibly date anyone other than you! Noone compares..you are sweet, thoughtful and drop dead beautiful!! He should be worried about who else YOU are dating!!! get your confidence up girl!!!
september2004
Posted:
Member since
Re: repost from LIF- need my LIW girls' advice...
i personally would hold of on 'the talk' - for me, if i ever found myself in a situation where i felt the need to have 'the talk' the relationship wasn't really worth it.
when i met my husband nothing was awkward, everything happened in due time (and we were on the fast track). conversations happened naturally and actions spoke louder than words.
it takes time to get one's confidence back up. i know for me it took a long time to get back to normal after being in an unhealthy relationship. i had a 2 year dry spell and then many mini relationships till i finally had it and was content living my life as a spinster. i had at that point regained my confidence and landed a healthy relationship.
