rp from LIF: how long does someone have to ignore your calls/emails before you realize:

suven Posted: Jul 06, 2005 08:50 PM

rp from LIF: how long does someone have to ignore your calls/emails before you realize:

that you're not friends anymore?

I haven't spoken to one of my bridesmaids since the holidays. She hasn't returned any phone calls or responded to any of my emails...just stopped hearing from her. last time we spoke, we were thinking about doing something in the city together (we both work in the city) but it never materialized.

She's the one who dished the dirt about DH's cousin's behavior at our wedding -which led to a HUGE family issue. Then, she finally said, 'I don't ever want to talk about any of that again!' So, I never brought it up again...even though several people from DH's family still wanted to talk about it further with her.

Even before the wedding, I hesitated on asking her to be a bridesmaid because we had a falling out during college and she basically said that she only wanted to stay friends because we had been friends for so long. Then, after the engagement, she called all the time, emailed all the time...so I figured the friendship would work out after all.

I guess I'm more upset about this than I normally would be because if she hadn't opened up her mouth about DH's cousin, we'd still be okay with my IL's. Now, we have family drama, and this girl doesn't even respond to my emails anymore.

xjulietx Posted: Jul 06, 2005 10:28 PM

Re: rp from LIF: how long does someone have to ignore your calls/emails before you realize:

I think it depends on the last words I had with the person. If I had a bad conversation and I tried to get back in touch, I would probably try 5-6 times. If it was just a case of busy schedules and things felt one sided, I would probably just back and let the person call me. It hurts but when the person finally picks up the phone you have an opportunity to let him/her know how you feel and open the lines of communication as to why the person behaved so absent-mindedly.

tray831 Posted: Jul 06, 2005 10:55 PM

Re: rp from LIF: how long does someone have to ignore your calls/emails before you realize:

Could it be she feels like an idiot since she was your main disher of 'dirt'.

Maybe she regrets saying anything since she did say she doesnt want to talk about it ever again and maybe she never realized how elevated it has become and she just may feel like a jacka&&.

I know I would feel like a huge D**K knowing if it wasnt for me, drama could have been prevented.

Just an observation from what I've read......

suven Posted: Jul 06, 2005 11:08 PM

Re: rp from LIF: how long does someone have to ignore your calls/emails before you realize:

Posted by tray831

Could it be she feels like an idiot since she was your main disher of 'dirt'.

Maybe she regrets saying anything since she did say she doesnt want to talk about it ever again and maybe she never realized how elevated it has become and she just may feel like a jacka&&.

I know I would feel like a huge D**K knowing if it wasnt for me, drama could have been prevented.

Just an observation from what I've read......

That's possible. And, in retrospect- even though I know she was probably telling the truth, I do think it was wrong for her to say anything. She dished everything about a month after the wedding. And, that's when all hell broke loose with my DH's cousin. And, it's unlikely to ever get fixed because his cousin just got worse and worse and worse...

If my friend had never told us about the things that happened, we would never have known. There were plenty of things that his cousin did that bothered us, but while we were on our honeymoon, we talked about it and decided that we'd let those things go because his cousin is so old, and alone, and probably very unhappy. And, at that point, I looked back on my wedding day with only happy memories.

then, my friend stepped in and told so many OTHER things that pushed us over the edge. I'm sure she regrets opening her mouth, but only because she feels like it got too difficult for *her* to deal with me calling her for more details.

And now she's nowhere to be found I think the real reason dates back to the fight we had in college...I just wish she wouldn't have tried so hard to be involved, if all she was going to do was dish dirt, watch the drama unfold, and then vanish.

HearzBellz Posted: Jul 07, 2005 08:13 AM

Re: rp from LIF: how long does someone have to ignore your calls/emails before you realize:

I had a girl call me for a YEAR after I told her that I had no desire to be friends anymore....I guess some people are just thick

06NovBride Posted: Jul 07, 2005 08:55 AM

Re: rp from LIF: how long does someone have to ignore your calls/emails before you realize:

If I've tried to contact the person a couple of times and gotten no response, I would just sit back and let them contact me if they wanted.

We have a similar situation happening right now. FH asked his best friend to be his BM at the wedding. They talked the week of our e-party in Feb. Well the guy never showed up to the party or called to say he wasn't coming. Since then FH has been trying to get in touch with him b/c they were really close and the guy isn't calling back.

I think you can only try so much without having to give up and let them contact you if they want to remain friends. HTH.

brooklynbridezilla Posted: Jul 07, 2005 09:02 AM

Re: rp from LIF: how long does someone have to ignore your calls/emails before you realize:

Depends on the person and the relationship. My aunt is a flake- she never calls or emails after repeated promises to do so. I pointed out how it hurts my feelings, but she never changed. So while I haven't 'cut her off' (meaning i wouldn't be angry if I saw her at a family function), I don't invest any time or emotion in her anymore. I don't consider her 'family', just an acquaintance.