RSVP dilemma...FH needs advice

Original post by Danielle41209

Jun 20, 2011 05:38 PM

I will try to make this as short as possible, but it still may be long...

FH and I had our invites addressed and ready to go in January. Before addressing the invites, we set a rule of no children and only invite guests with guests that have been in a relationship for a year or longer. One of his guests (his cousin), let's call him Al, was invited without a guest because at the time, he had broken up with his long time girlfriend (in Sept) and was single. We sent the invites out in May. Between January and May, Al got a new girlfriend. He send back his RSVP with not only his new girlfriend, but his son, whose 6!!!

FH called Al and explained about the additional guests, stating that if the budget allows, we'll break our rule and invite the gf, but no kids are allowed. The only ones that will be there will be my flower girl, my jr. groomsman (my first cousin), and my other 1st cousin (who if I didn't invite, all HELL would break loose between me and my grandmother...)

Al supposedly took it ok (according to when FH spoke with him) but FH found out recently a lot of new information...

Problem 1: I guess Al was NOT ok with FH's decision and complained to his mother about it (and probably other people too)...

Problem 2: His aunt (Al's mom) does not like the gf AT ALL!!! She apparently went to her home looking like trash in front of all family and friends. Not a good impression. So the aunt would be happy NOT to have her there...

Problem 3: His uncle (Al's dad) decided not to come to the wedding because his grandson was not allowed to attend. FH was told that his uncle needed to stay at home because he owns a store and needs to run it. Although he owns a store, he was INITIALLY coming to the wedding, before all this drama happened! The lie was made up to protect FH but FH's mom spilled the beans...(I'm glad she did).

So now, FH feels guilty for not inviting Al with his additional guests. He doesn't want to create any animosity between family members but feels like he should give in to his cousin to keep everyone at ease. It's really stressing him out because his family is very close knit. This issue could tear that branch off the tree...

I'm telling him no and to stick to his guns, but he asked me to post this for some advice from you girls...

Got anything to help my stressed out FH????

SoonToBeMrsCali Posted: Jun 21, 2011 11:11 AM

Re: RSVP dilemma...FH needs advice

Are you expecting more no's can you squeeze in the GF and AI's son... I would invite them both to keep peace.

Danielle41209 Posted: Jun 21, 2011 11:40 AM

Re: RSVP dilemma...FH needs advice

Posted by cateydee

I originally had a little to no kids wedding like yours, with only the kids who were in the BP. We let DH's cousin's daughter come because they were having some last minute issues.

DH's other cousin (from the other side of the fam) gave ME the BIGGEST cold shoulder the day of the wedding because she had specifically asked me if she could bring her daughter and i said no. some of his aunts ended up not showing up because they had to 'babysit'. that was total bullshitt.

So, stick to your guns, dont invite the kid. I'd say invite the g/f cuz i think i read that you already did, and it wouldnt be good to retract it. Sit them at a different table (or other side of the room) than your aunt and call it a day.

We never invited Al with his GF... Just him alone. I totally get what you're saying. I dont want to create hatred. FHs uncle doesn't want to come if his grandson isn't there. His aunt is coming because she wants to be there for FH like she's always been.

FH came up with this solution: ask Al to choose 1 person to bring, either the GF or his son. Not sure how that'll play out but who knows.

Danielle41209 Posted: Jun 21, 2011 11:47 AM

Re: RSVP dilemma...FH needs advice

Posted by pjc92980

i would say stick to your original decision. but if i read the post right you invited YOUR cousins that are young which means his cousin that is young should be invited too....

I tried my best to specify but I'll try again. FH has 18 first cousins (on one side) to my 5 (on both sides). 2 of my first cousins are young. FHs first cousins have children of their own, totaling 10 SECOND cousins (i miss counted before.) I'd have to invite all of his second cousins just to be fair. I understand that my cousins are young but maybe I'm not understanding something. Someone please help clarify so I can better understand!!!

I hope I didn't come across as a b*tch with this post.... I really don't understand... Is there a difference between 1st and 2nd cousins?!??

ColliMac23 Posted: Jun 21, 2011 11:50 AM

Re: RSVP dilemma...FH needs advice

I had people not come because of their kids no being invited and sorry but it's a no kids policy and really if they can't respect your decision then whatever because seriously what you do for one you have to do for all!