RSVP dilemma...FH needs advice

I will try to make this as short as possible, but it still may be long...

FH and I had our invites addressed and ready to go in January. Before addressing the invites, we set a rule of no children and only invite guests with guests that have been in a relationship for a year or longer. One of his guests (his cousin), let's call him Al, was invited without a guest because at the time, he had broken up with his long time girlfriend (in Sept) and was single. We sent the invites out in May. Between January and May, Al got a new girlfriend. He send back his RSVP with not only his new girlfriend, but his son, whose 6!!!

FH called Al and explained about the additional guests, stating that if the budget allows, we'll break our rule and invite the gf, but no kids are allowed. The only ones that will be there will be my flower girl, my jr. groomsman (my first cousin), and my other 1st cousin (who if I didn't invite, all HELL would break loose between me and my grandmother...)

Al supposedly took it ok (according to when FH spoke with him) but FH found out recently a lot of new information...

Problem 1: I guess Al was NOT ok with FH's decision and complained to his mother about it (and probably other people too)...

Problem 2: His aunt (Al's mom) does not like the gf AT ALL!!! She apparently went to her home looking like trash in front of all family and friends. Not a good impression. So the aunt would be happy NOT to have her there...

Problem 3: His uncle (Al's dad) decided not to come to the wedding because his grandson was not allowed to attend. FH was told that his uncle needed to stay at home because he owns a store and needs to run it. Although he owns a store, he was INITIALLY coming to the wedding, before all this drama happened! The lie was made up to protect FH but FH's mom spilled the beans...(I'm glad she did).

So now, FH feels guilty for not inviting Al with his additional guests. He doesn't want to create any animosity between family members but feels like he should give in to his cousin to keep everyone at ease. It's really stressing him out because his family is very close knit. This issue could tear that branch off the tree...

I'm telling him no and to stick to his guns, but he asked me to post this for some advice from you girls...

Got anything to help my stressed out FH????

I'd stick to my guns but I also understand not wanting to screw with family

But, I'd at least say no kid. Maybe to the new girlfriend

IMO, if you're worried that this is really going to rock the family dynamic, i say let them come

my cousin wouldn't let his BEST FRIEND since he was two years old child come to the wedding and the best friend didn't come, and they never spoke again (5 years ago)

sometimes it's just not worth it IMO

Im sorry but I WILL NOT INVITE AL'S GF...
U dont want the Mom & Al's gf arguemnt at the wedding

Nope...
Nope way...


I will however invite His Cousin's son....
because U are inviting Ur cousin...
i know its ur first cousin but I believe YOU HAVE TO COMPROMISE...

I would be pissed if Luis's get his cousin but Im saying not to my 'side'...

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Posted by VCanizalez

Im sorry but I WILL NOT INVITE AL'S GF...
U dont want the Mom & Al's gf arguemnt at the wedding

Nope...
Nope way...


I will however invite His Cousin's son....
because U are inviting Ur cousin...
i know its ur first cousin but I believe YOU HAVE TO COMPROMISE...

I would be pissed if Luis's get his cousin but Im saying not to my 'side'...

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The thing is, the Al's son is FH's second cousin! If I allow that, then technically I should allow all his first cousins (He has 18 in total; 6 of them have 1 or more kids) that come to the wedding to bring their kids too...


However, I am definitely willing to compromise!!!!!!!!!!!


This sucks!!!

Any other advice????

1. Al alone (Al upset, no uncle, happy aunt)?
2. Al with GF (and upset aunt)?
3. Al with son (and happy uncle)?
4. Al with Gf and son (happy uncle, upset aunt)?

Honestly - I think I would just let him bring the girlfriend. I wouldn't give in on bringing the child though. At the end of the day - one person really isn't going to make or break the budget. It's probably not worth the battle.

Again - JMO

Honestly, I have been through this one too many times during my planning and RSVP process.

IMHO, you don't want to separate a close knit family! I had to learn that the hard way...and if you are having friends there, then family (regardless to how you feel) should be there. You don't want one day the FH resents the decision that you both made at the time. I will say if you are having your family (jr. groomsman, etc) the same should be allowed for his family and guests.

Trust me I have been through this too much, that I was physically sick. Let it go...it's not worth the fighting within the family.

HTH

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Posted by elimnite1

Honestly, I have been through this one too many times during my planning and RSVP process.

IMHO, you don't want to separate a close knit family! I had to learn that the hard way...and if you are having friends there, then family (regardless to how you feel) should be there. You don't want one day the FH resents the decision that you both made at the time. I will say if you are having your family (jr. groomsman, etc) the same should be allowed for his family and guests.

Trust me I have been through this too much, that I was physically sick. Let it go...it's not worth the fighting within the family.

HTH

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True true. Al is invited. He's always been invited but its the guests Al added on that's causing the issue. I'm actually so confused that I pulled myself out of this. I'll support whatever decision FH's makes with the situation but I can't make this decision for him. I don't want to separate his family. Yes they're close knit, but this cousin is making FH's live hell right now and I don't think it's fair or right for him to place a guilt trip on him....

See my case is similar to u. Luis aunts has a New boyfriend. We had never met him n they were demanding to come together.
Hell effing no!!!!!
We told them straight up No wY!!!! She is invited not the new bf!!!!!!!!
Her son is invited not new boyfriend if we invite the new bf Luis uncle (her x) was going to get mad n feel uncomfortable n probably start an argument. So NO way!!!!

I think HR SHOULD COME BY HIMSELF!!!!!!
it's a new relationship!!!!!!!!! U don't want problems at da wedding.

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Posted by IrishAli

I'd stick to my guns but I also understand not wanting to screw with family

But, I'd at least say no kid. Maybe to the new girlfriend

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this

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Posted by VCanizalez

Im sorry but I WILL NOT INVITE AL'S GF...
U dont want the Mom & Al's gf arguemnt at the wedding

Nope...
Nope way...


I will however invite His Cousin's son....
because U are inviting Ur cousin...
i know its ur first cousin but I believe YOU HAVE TO COMPROMISE...

I would be pissed if Luis's get his cousin but Im saying not to my 'side'...

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I agree! If the family is upset that Al's son can't come and then they see that there are children from your side there I think they'll be really upset!!

crashing.

stick with the original decision ... have the cousin come with the girlfriend but not the son. (but only because your FH already told the cousin that he can bring the girlfriend .... otherwise, i'd say the cousin should come solo since he was invited solo)

If you make an exception for the cousin, then word would spread to the rest of your guests and they'd ALL want to bring their kids ....

It is so disheartening how much drama is always surrounded by the RSVP. People just don't understand how much it is to pay per plate. Unfortuantely, in this case maybe it is better to just invite Al with his gf and child to neglect all the drama. I don't even understand why people want to bring children to a wedding. I have a 3 year old son and never bring him to weddings but I've noticed during this process that people are so reluctant to bring their child. Just tell them you are making an exception for them so they don't go running around telling the family that they are bringing a child. So sorry you have to go through this so close to your big day

I originally had a little to no kids wedding like yours, with only the kids who were in the BP. We let DH's cousin's daughter come because they were having some last minute issues.

DH's other cousin (from the other side of the fam) gave ME the BIGGEST cold shoulder the day of the wedding because she had specifically asked me if she could bring her daughter and i said no. some of his aunts ended up not showing up because they had to 'babysit'. that was total bullshitt.

So, stick to your guns, dont invite the kid. I'd say invite the g/f cuz i think i read that you already did, and it wouldnt be good to retract it. Sit them at a different table (or other side of the room) than your aunt and call it a day.