mine cleans the house and is sometimes affectionate/romantic. it depends on the day.
Jamnike
Posted:
Member since
Re: sad :(
yea he wont do counseling i brough it up and he freaked out! i think its just wedding stress since its so big of an event ( for him anyway) hes VERY shy, he wont even look at u and talk to you if he doesntknow you....so i think hes just scared shitless about the wedding.
FinallyEngaged
Posted:
Member since
Re: sad :(
I def think stress of the wedding is part of it... plus u mentioned about moving in together and if i read correctly, where u moved u dont have ur friends by you... that can cause a lot of stress..... I am sorry you are going through this.
You are totally not alone though, just remember that!!!
CJandJen
Posted:
Member since
Re: sad :(
My FH does not clean ever! It drives me insane We've talked about it enough times that he tries to clean up after himself now, but heaven forbid he actually vacuum or clean the bathroom or do laundry! As far as being romantic, he definitely isn't as much as when we first got together. But that was almost six years ago! I feel as though, as you live together, time goes by and sometimes life gets in the way. Things get very comfortable and that extra you used to put in the relationship isn't always added. Relationships are work, and both parties need to put the effort in to keep it lasting. Wedding stress will definitely add to this, but through all the discussions of flowers, music, etc.. you need to remember the reason for it all, that the two of you are getting married and there should be much more meaning to that then what kind of party you are throwing after. Good luck, communication works best and is essential! Talk to him about it, and maybe you'll begin to notice some changes.
ant n tilde
Posted:
Member since
Re: sad :(
My DH is the same way. If I ever wonder why I just have to look at his dad - and I see where he gets it from, his brother is even worse!
He is not affectionate, and not really romantic. But then again, I look at some cheesy stuff that other guys do and I think I would laugh in his face if he did that you know? There is a reason we fell in love and it doesn't involve buying flowers or doing dishes.
BUT*** you have to know what you are getting yourself in to. I know he will NEVER be like that and I have to deal with it - it is MY problem not his, because I know he has been like that for ten years.
I don't mean just give up and be miserable - i just mean you can't change WHO HE IS. EVER. PERIOD.
That doesn't mean you can't sit him down and say 'I can't do this by myself i NEED you to vacuum once a week for me, i would really appreciate it' etc.
For me, I basically told him that its like an hour ordeal to take the vacuum out and he vacuums for me now - i also take obscenely long to do the dishes so he does them sometimes ( SOMETIMES, lol )
As for the romance, I kind of force it on him. I decided we will have a date night every week until his busy season starts. So, I tell him the date and time - and I give him three restaurant choices and he has to 'surprise' me with one. I get to get all dressed up and go out and he doesn't have to really 'think'
There are a few things I put my foot down about - his dad sleeps on the couch every single night - not bc they are fighting or anything, he just falls asleep there. THAT is my #1 ABSOLUTELY NO WELL IN HE!! is that happening in my house. If I wake up and he isnt in bed with me i VERY RUDELY wake him up and drag him into bed - we are not roommates we are husband and wife and he knows this is like my #1 pet peeve, when i wake him up now he will actually say 'oh sh!t!' bc he knows he messed up ( not on purpose but still ) i let the other stuff slide but not THAT - so pick your battles, and make it very clear what is unacceptable and what is just a little annoying
snwb08
Posted:
Member since
Re: sad :(
Posted by ant n tilde
My DH is the same way. If I ever wonder why I just have to look at his dad - and I see where he gets it from, his brother is even worse!
He is not affectionate, and not really romantic. But then again, I look at some cheesy stuff that other guys do and I think I would laugh in his face if he did that you know? There is a reason we fell in love and it doesn't involve buying flowers or doing dishes.
BUT*** you have to know what you are getting yourself in to. I know he will NEVER be like that and I have to deal with it - it is MY problem not his, because I know he has been like that for ten years.
I don't mean just give up and be miserable - i just mean you can't change WHO HE IS. EVER. PERIOD.
That doesn't mean you can't sit him down and say 'I can't do this by myself i NEED you to vacuum once a week for me, i would really appreciate it' etc.
For me, I basically told him that its like an hour ordeal to take the vacuum out and he vacuums for me now - i also take obscenely long to do the dishes so he does them sometimes ( SOMETIMES, lol )
As for the romance, I kind of force it on him. I decided we will have a date night every week until his busy season starts. So, I tell him the date and time - and I give him three restaurant choices and he has to 'surprise' me with one. I get to get all dressed up and go out and he doesn't have to really 'think'
There are a few things I put my foot down about - his dad sleeps on the couch every single night - not bc they are fighting or anything, he just falls asleep there. THAT is my #1 ABSOLUTELY NO WELL IN HE!! is that happening in my house. If I wake up and he isnt in bed with me i VERY RUDELY wake him up and drag him into bed - we are not roommates we are husband and wife and he knows this is like my #1 pet peeve, when i wake him up now he will actually say 'oh sh!t!' bc he knows he messed up ( not on purpose but still ) i let the other stuff slide but not THAT - so pick your battles, and make it very clear what is unacceptable and what is just a little annoying
excellent words tilde. I should save them for future reference.
TrueLoveIn2008
Posted:
Member since
Re: sad :(
Posted by Jamnike
yea he wont do counseling i brough it up and he freaked out! i think its just wedding stress since its so big of an event ( for him anyway) hes VERY shy, he wont even look at u and talk to you if he doesntknow you....so i think hes just scared shitless about the wedding.
Wow, sounds just like my fiance!!!! I am having the worst time trying to get him to meet a minister or officiant of any kind because he is nervous about telling anyone in a position like that (religion) how he feels about me, etc. I know he loves me very much, and he does tell me and is affectionate at home - but never in front of people, especially those he does not know. He says he might just faint standing up there while we are getting married, and for this reason, it needs to be a 15 min ceremony.
And cleaning? Please. He works at an autobody shop and has to wear 2 shirts everyday, weird thing he likes to do, I think he does it to prevent sweat marks?? But I do allll the laundry, every week. I am always doing it. Constantly. Like 6 loads a week! And I tell him, you know, it's your laundry, you can do it too. But he works a lot, never is home to do it, blah. Our washer/dryer is in the basement, if it was in the apt. it would be so much easier and he probably would do it more.
I told him last night too, we need to talk about $$ (saw your other post) because I am frugal and he is not, and I worry about this becoming a problem. And family -- I love family events most of the time, and he hates going. He hates to make small talk.
I totally know where you're coming from!
SparkyandAng
Posted:
Member since
Re: sad :(
Posted by Mimacat
Are we marrying the same man?
I feel bad now...b/c I AM like all of your FH's, except I do cook and cleanup. My FH is super attentive, very sweet, thoughtful and me, not so much. Wow, my poor FH is a saint, he never complains. I will try to be more attentive toward him. Thanks for making me realize.
csaburro
Posted:
Member since
Re: sad :(
My FH can be like that too. For valentines day I bought him this beautiful card telling how I feel about him.....I got nothing! I was so sad to 2 days after that.
And his excuse was 'I am not a card kind of guy'
I guess there are things that we have to learn to live with but other things we shouldn't and that is where the communication comes in.
Sometimes I have to ask 'do you think I am pretty?' 'do I look nice?'
Good Luck - you are not alone.
ant n tilde
Posted:
Member since
Re: sad :(
Posted by csaburro
My FH can be like that too. For valentines day I bought him this beautiful card telling how I feel about him.....I got nothing! I was so sad to 2 days after that.
And his excuse was 'I am not a card kind of guy'
I guess there are things that we have to learn to live with but other things we shouldn't and that is where the communication comes in.
Sometimes I have to ask 'do you think I am pretty?' 'do I look nice?'
Good Luck - you are not alone.
i got DH a beautiful card about marriage
he got me a card with a husband mooning his wife in the shower!
csaburro
Posted:
Member since
Re: sad :(
Posted by ant n tilde
Posted by csaburro
i got DH a beautiful card about marriage
he got me a card with a husband mooning his wife in the shower!
Wow, I don't know how I would have reacted to that - it is funny.....at least he was thinking of you for V-day......mine claims that he doesn't need Hallmark to tell him that he has to show is fiance that he loves her...my response was 'what about the other 364 days out of the year?'
monkeybuttz
Posted:
Member since
Re: sad :(
Posted by Jamnike
Posted by Mimacat
Are we marrying the same man?
idk...urs make u feel like a bad doggie too?
(that could totally be interpreted wrong hehe)
I've already married and divorced that man! Please DO NOT take that the wrong way-I totally know how you feel
