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Sad Etiquette Question

sept20yay Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:15 AM+

sept20yay MEMBER SINCE: 11/02 TOTAL POSTS : 454 WEDDING DATE: Sep 20, 2003

Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:15 AM

Sad Etiquette Question

Okay, my stepsister and her fi came to our wedding last September and gave us a cash gift. She is 26 years old, my age. In April, my father, my witchy stepmother and I had a fallout. As a result, we have not spoken since really and stepsisters wedding was yesterday. My sister went but I was not invited. Sure, I would have liked to be and was a little hurt I wasn't. My question is this: While I never really was friends with stepsister, I never had anything against her either. And I do know she wrote the check for my wedding herself. Should I give her a gift although I was not invited? Or should I be annoyed I was not invited to her wedding as she was to mine? Should she be to blame for me not being invited or should I chalk it up to her obnoxious mother (stepmother)? What is the proper thing to do?

Boop2704 Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:19 AM+

Boop2704 MEMBER SINCE: 3/03 TOTAL POSTS : 6048 WEDDING DATE: Feb 07, 2004

Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:19 AM

Re: Sad Etiquette Question

I think I would send her something nice off her wedding registry instead of a check. Just a little something to congratualte her and show her that you had nothing against her. I don't think it was right you were not invited considering you didn't have a problem with her and obviousl it was her mother that had the problem of you being invited. Just a small token of congrats is what I would send. If not something off her registry, maybe a nice gift certificate to dinner for her and her husband or a nice Lenox frame for one of their wedding pics!!

JimmysBride Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:21 AM+

JimmysBride MEMBER SINCE: 7/03 TOTAL POSTS : 10131 WEDDING DATE: Oct 09, 2004 WEDDING LOCATION: St. Agnes Cathedral

Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:21 AM

Re: Sad Etiquette Question

Be the bigger person and send her something off her registry (or a cash gift). It does sound like this was the stepmother's doing and you don't want to take it out on her if she really has nothing to do with it.

sweetadeline Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:23 AM+

sweetadeline MEMBER SINCE: 1/04 TOTAL POSTS : 2382 WEDDING DATE: May 28, 2004

Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:23 AM

Re: Sad Etiquette Question

I'd send a gift. I like Boop's idea about getting a gift off of the registry, too -- something a little more personal, maybe. Even if she caved in to pressure in deciding not to invite you to her wedding, you can be the 'bigger person' here. Who knows, maybe sending a gift will be a step towards healing the rift in your family?

dm24angel Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:26 AM+

dm24angel MEMBER SINCE: 2/04 TOTAL POSTS : 8533 WEDDING DATE: Mar 11, 2005

Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:26 AM

Re: Sad Etiquette Question

My only question is why was your sister invited and not you?

Based on what you wrote, I'd send her something, but not as much as if you were there since you seemed to have been intentionally not invited.

BriBri529 Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:27 AM+

BriBri529 MEMBER SINCE: 8/02 TOTAL POSTS : 7121 WEDDING DATE: Jul 10, 2005

Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:27 AM

Re: Sad Etiquette Question

Sure, a little something to be the bigger person couldn't hurt!

MrsK-in-June05 Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:37 AM+

MrsK-in-June05 MEMBER SINCE: 6/04 TOTAL POSTS : 2179 WEDDING DATE: Jan 02, 2005

Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:37 AM

Re: Sad Etiquette Question

Your stepmother sounds like my dad's last girlfriend. Except witchy would be way tooooooo kind to describe her. I was not invited to her kids bar mitzvah or the other devil's graduation, but I still sent a check.
If your stepsister is going to run your father's life and her daughter's life..chalk it up to her being an arse. Send a check so that you and dh are clean with the bride. That way she will know that you are not at fault for not coming and it will be easier for you to sleep at night knowing that the slate is clean. JMO GL

snowprincess805 Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:38 AM+

snowprincess805 MEMBER SINCE: 4/04 TOTAL POSTS : 1936 WEDDING DATE: Aug 13, 2005

Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:38 AM

Re: Sad Etiquette Question

send something- it seems like you want to -

JLP Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:45 AM+

JLP MEMBER SINCE: 4/04 TOTAL POSTS : 1099 WEDDING DATE: Mar 12, 2005

Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:45 AM

Re: Sad Etiquette Question

Send something not too expensive.

I know it isn't the point, but I hope she feels like a schmuck when she gets it.

nov.bride Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:49 AM+

nov.bride MEMBER SINCE: 1/04 TOTAL POSTS : 1806 WEDDING DATE: Nov 21, 2004

Posted: Oct 24, 2004 11:49 AM

Re: Sad Etiquette Question

Posted by JimmysBride

Be the bigger person and send her something off her registry (or a cash gift). It does sound like this was the stepmother's doing and you don't want to take it out on her if she really has nothing to do with it.

I agree 100% cash or registry gift for sure.

troutster Posted: Oct 24, 2004 12:13 PM+

troutster MEMBER SINCE: 7/04 TOTAL POSTS : 1128 WEDDING DATE: Aug 19, 2005

Posted: Oct 24, 2004 12:13 PM

Re: Sad Etiquette Question

I think it would be a nice gesture to send her something off the registry.

chichila15 Posted: Oct 26, 2004 04:34 PM+

chichila15 MEMBER SINCE: 5/04 TOTAL POSTS : 2294 WEDDING DATE: Sep 18, 2004

Posted: Oct 26, 2004 04:34 PM

Re: Sad Etiquette Question

I agree... you should send something off the registry. I'm almost sure that it wasn't her intention not to invite you, but out of respect, to please her mother. I understand why you're hurt, but burying the hatchet by sending her a gift anyway, might makes things better.

Good luck!

tourist Posted: Oct 26, 2004 04:43 PM+

tourist MEMBER SINCE: 12/03 TOTAL POSTS : 9094 WEDDING DATE: Oct 09, 2004

Posted: Oct 26, 2004 04:43 PM

Re: Sad Etiquette Question

I agree, send something. She probably didn't invite you, b/c it would have cause drama with her mother & as we all know, that's the last thing you need on your wedding day.

leighdvm Posted: Oct 26, 2004 04:43 PM+

leighdvm MEMBER SINCE: 10/04 TOTAL POSTS : 3343 WEDDING DATE: Feb 25, 2006

Posted: Oct 26, 2004 04:43 PM

Re: Sad Etiquette Question

I definitely agree with the others. Send her a gift, either a check or a gift. It's most likely her mother that made her not invite you. Believe me, she will feel guilty when she gets your gift. I know that's not the point of sending it, but that's how I would feel if I were her.

FrescaBride Posted: Oct 26, 2004 04:45 PM+

FrescaBride MEMBER SINCE: 3/04 TOTAL POSTS : 2513 WEDDING DATE: Apr 30, 2005

Posted: Oct 26, 2004 04:45 PM

Re: Sad Etiquette Question

Posted by Boop2704

I think I would send her something nice off her wedding registry instead of a check. Just a little something to congratualte her and show her that you had nothing against her. I don't think it was right you were not invited considering you didn't have a problem with her and obviousl it was her mother that had the problem of you being invited. Just a small token of congrats is what I would send. If not something off her registry, maybe a nice gift certificate to dinner for her and her husband or a nice Lenox frame for one of their wedding pics!!

This is exactly what I'd have said.