We just started our wedding planning and I was curious: How has your wedding planning affected your relationship? Has all of the decision making, spending, food tasting, parental interaction become a compounded stress? Or has it been a bonding experience?
My gal is seeing alot more of my 'work' persona, which she usually doesn't have to deal with and our post-workday downtime is slowly turning into a bridal magazine bonanza. We're also both designers by trade, so we both have strong opinions on how things should look, feel, and be.
Any thoughts?
sr081906
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Re: Same, better, worse?
Welcome Mr. Groom!
I would suggest that the 2 of you take a break, seat down and agree on the style, size, budget.etc of your wedding.
That's what we did for ours before we started anything. We agreed that we BOTH have to agree on EVERYTHING. It is HER wedding but also YOUR wedding.
I think a nice calm conversation should help you. Tell her you want to be involved just as much as she wants to.
Nothing is done without both our approval. No, it does not slow things done. It just takes organization so you don't have to make decisions at the last minute and have to rule out your SO's opinion.
thelastMrsG
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Re: Same, better, worse?
Welcome!!!
I have also just started planning my wedding. The only thing I can tell you my FH and I did, is we have discussed setting time for wedding stuff and then time where we have time for other things. Depending on when your wedding is (ours is in 2008), you will have more time. Maybe you can ask you FW if you can do wedding stuff 2 nights a week, or set 2 hours a night. I use my time to look at magazines and then when we discuss the wedding, I bring these up to him. I also ask him to look on his own, but I give him a few days to do it. I know he wants to get married, but he really isn't THAT interested in flowers or color scheme. Give her time. If the engagement is new, things will settle down. Weddings are stressful, but you need to set back and try to enjoy it. If there is an issue with parents, discuss, try not to fight. Oh, and one more word that I learned the hard way, COMPROMISE!!!
Good Luck!!!
~Li
sevenlayers
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Re: Same, better, worse?
Posted by sr081906 Nothing is done without both our approval. No, it does not slow things done. It just takes organization so you don't have to make decisions at the last minute and have to rule out your SO's opinion.
Great advice
Looking ahead though: I get the feeling that some of our 'quality time' is going to be displaced by 'wedding decision making and planning time' over the next year.
I guess its just my own hangup, but I get pretty mentally distant when I'm making (business, planning, wedding) decisions. I'm confident that we'll agree on everything, I'm just looking for ways to make the actual task of (planning) less mechanical and more fun...
sevenlayers
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Re: Same, better, worse?
Posted by thelastMrsG Maybe you can ask you FW if you can do wedding stuff 2 nights a week, or set 2 hours a night.
That's actually exactly what I was thinking... Since we're so green, everything's been wedding wedding wedding. We're pretty close to locking down our venue and i think once that's outta the way, we'll be golden ;)
snydl40
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Re: Same, better, worse?
We've been planning since March and it can be trying. We don't argue about any of it, it was just frustrating trying to find a place. I think when we start to get into more of the details it will get a little harder. We both have strong personalities, but we do have a lot of the same tastes-so that's a plus. I would just make sure you take time for yourselves-not just wedding planning. We have date nights all the time-we don't talk about anything wedding related-just eachother and our lives. This works really well for us and may for you guys also. Just make sure the next 1-2 years is not all wedding planning. The point of planning a wedding is to marry the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Don't ignore that person. Good luck and happy planning!
Mooshyboo
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Re: Same, better, worse?
Hi ~ in the beginning we both could not beleive we were getting married we had fun doing the reception but then after we kind of got a little overwhelmed with everything... but now it seems to have tapered off and are enjoying the rest of the planning... & is now becoming a bonding experience!
Good Luck!
ali120206
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Re: Same, better, worse?
Posted by sevenlayers
Posted by thelastMrsG Maybe you can ask you FW if you can do wedding stuff 2 nights a week, or set 2 hours a night.
That's actually exactly what I was thinking... Since we're so green, everything's been wedding wedding wedding. We're pretty close to locking down our venue and i think once that's outta the way, we'll be golden ;)
Green? Are you talking about Personalysis by chance? We use that in our office and it reminded me of that when you said we're so green
Once you lock down the venue, I'm sure it will get better. FH and I have been engaged a year and in the beginning that's all we talked about. FH said to me one night, did we not talk before the wedding because that's all that we talk about now!!! It comes and goes in spurts!
Good luck!
DandS
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Re: Same, better, worse?
Posted by sevenlayers
Looking ahead though: I get the feeling that some of our 'quality time' is going to be displaced by 'wedding decision making and planning time' over the next year.
I guess its just my own hangup, but I get pretty mentally distant when I'm making (business, planning, wedding) decisions. I'm confident that we'll agree on everything, I'm just looking for ways to make the actual task of (planning) less mechanical and more fun...
First all all - Welcome!
To be honest with you your 'quality time' will be more wedding planning, however that is new quality time that you two will share and it will be fun and amazing in its own way! You should still set time aside for quality time without any wedding planning or decisions about the wedding (FH & I hang out 1 night a week where we do not talk about the wedding AT ALL, it is all about us).
For us the wedding planning has been nothing but fun and amazing! I have loved every minute of it so far! We set our budget ahead of time, and really stuck with it (it is even more fun when you come under budget on certain things, and that happened a lot of times to us!). We also talked in the beginning about how we wanted the wedding to be, themes, and different ideas we both had. We really stuck to all of our original decisions and it is amazing to see how everything is coming together!
Good Luck with the planning, and we are all here if you need us!
sevenlayers
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Re: Same, better, worse?
Sorry: I meant 'green' to wedding planning!!
Thanks for all the tips.
I think the other thing that freaks me out is that we have about (6) other couples/friends that are recently engaged too. So even when we go out for drinks with friends, we're surrounded by recently engaged, recently married or recently thinking about something wedding or engagement related people!!! we all joke about carting off to vegas and getting it overwith, but we're all secretly serious
Mandyin2007
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Re: Same, better, worse?
Welcome and Happy Planning!
My FH and I have gotten closer I think in the planning process. He is very hands on. I know he doesn't care to much for all the details, but he tries to give as much imput as possible and always goes with me to every appointment. Even though we have fought about money alot, I think even that has even brought us closer!
sevenlayers
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Re: Same, better, worse?
Posted by Mandyin2007
Welcome and Happy Planning!
My FH and I have gotten closer I think in the planning process. He is very hands on. I know he doesn't care to much for all the details, but he tries to give as much imput as possible and always goes with me to every appointment. Even though we have fought about money alot, I think even that has even brought us closer!
Noice! My gal and I have never fought in the 5 years that we've known each other. We're just very laid back and agreeable. Hopefully, all of this wedding stuff will force us to have one so we can get it out of the way!
mrsh2b
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Re: Same, better, worse?
FH and I seriously BATTLED in the beginning over pretty much everything, which was weird b/c we never fight either. But now that the majority of work is done, we're doing much better...back to the calm individuals we once were!
lilqtpie2181
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Re: Same, better, worse?
hey Mr. Groom. Its great to have some testosterone around here other than Ron and Mysterygroom. Congrats and welcome to the boards!!!
Now since me and FH got engaged and the plannig started we have gotten much closer to one another. We love spenind time together as is but doing stuff for our big day together just gives us a differnt feel about things. We both have very hectic work lives and we find joy in doing stuff for the weddng. So far so good. I hope the same applies for u. Good Luck with ur planning!!!!!!!
hey if we have need any designer advice are u willing to help?
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: Same, better, worse?
Welcome! It was definitely a stressful time, but we made it through without too many bumps. We decided when we first started planning to book one vendor a month. We got engaged in Dec, and by July were done with all our major vendors. It was really nice to be done so early because then we were able to take a break from the planning, so we had the whole summer to ourselves. We did a few things from that July to January, and thats when things started to kick in again. The most stressful time was the month leading up to our wedding. We fought a lot, but it was nothing major.
MJDoc12
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Re: Same, better, worse?
Welcome!
In the beginning, it was fine, no fights or arguments. But we were planning nearly 2 yrs. before the big day. Now we are nearly 6 months away, and there has been a few arguements. It's natural, cause a wedding can bring out the worst in people! Family members many times are the pre-cursors to this stress, since they all think you need their opinion.
The key is making sure you listen to each other when making any decisions, whether you agree or not. Also, remember that you will NOT always see eye to eye, but compromise is a huge part!
Happy planning!
eden
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Re: Same, better, worse?
Welcome, Mr. Groom.
From my experience, most guys prefer not to be so involved with the w edding planning. And msot women will plan everything to the last detail, including what your cuff link colors should be. :D
I had alot of disagreemetns with FH over the course of our planning, mostly due to him not wanting to help at all, and me wanting more input from him.
I think if your FW loves planning I would say help her as much as you can but just be willing to compromise alot!
If you prefer the other route which my FH took, just tell your gal what you absolutely want, (ie, chocolate cake, no pink vests, donation favors, etc.) and talk about budget and theme, then let her do whatever she wants with the rest of the details. This way you will save alot of grief. :)
Good luck!!
sevenlayers
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Re: Same, better, worse?
Posted by lilqtpie2181 hey if we have need any designer advice are u willing to help?
of course
i'm an architect and she's an interior designer. we both like graphics and imagery, so we're probo doing our own invites, decorating and we'll likely have some very untraditional stuff in terms of music and overall atmosphere for the night :)
stephanief
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Re: Same, better, worse?
wedding planning @ucks...me and DH got into a hughe fight a day before the wedding, it definitely brings out the worst in people, we were both glad when it was over
EJSD2006
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Re: Same, better, worse?
hello there mr. groom!
i would say our relationship definitely became stronger and we got much closer during the planning process.
