Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

Kathy116 Posted: May 19, 2003 04:51 PM

Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

I'm just in the venting mood....

This same BM that I wrote about earlier (keeps making excuses for not giving me her measurements) said to me yesterday...'I'm so glad it's you and not me going through this whole wedding planning nonsense!' (she eloped 4 years ago)

and then I was telling her that flowers are a bit more expensive than what I expected...and she says, 'I don't think you should get any flowers, I wouldn't'.

What????????????

I always give people the benefit of the doubt, and I know it's all coming from jealousy because she didn't have her dream wedding (she'd been planning one ever since I met her 5 years ago)...but I'm a little nervous about her being in the wedding party.

prncssrachel Posted: May 19, 2003 04:55 PM

Re: Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

Well, now the stories make a little more sense. If it is REALLY important to you to have her in your wedding, then just realize the snottiness will probably get worse. If it's not that big of a deal to just say sorry to her, then I would. JMO

Kathy116 Posted: May 19, 2003 04:55 PM

Re: Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

Why did this thread get all stretched Out? I think I messed something up...sorry!

prncssrachel Posted: May 19, 2003 04:56 PM

Re: Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

I thought the same thing, it's very LLLOOOOONNNNGGGG

shelzyp Posted: May 19, 2003 04:58 PM

Re: Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

Delete some of the ????? since there is no spaces in between them

Kathy116 Posted: May 19, 2003 04:58 PM

Re: Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

I just feel a little weird about cutting her from the bridal party because it's made up of the group of girls who hung out together all 4 years of college.

So, she'd be 'on the sidelines' while everyone else was in the party.

I know I sound like a total SCHIZOPHRENIC, can you tell I'm a little conflicted about this?

THen again, if she's 'cut' she probably won't come, and then no 'weirdness'.

I just don't know!

Kathy116 Posted: May 19, 2003 04:59 PM

Re: Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

Thanks...deleted and normal!

swags1016 Posted: May 19, 2003 04:59 PM

Re: Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

Rachel is on the mark again. The snottiness is not going to get better unless you call her on it. Ask her about it? Ask her if she is jealous? Even though she will probably deny it maybe it will make her think twice!

prncssrachel Posted: May 19, 2003 05:02 PM

Re: Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

I agree with swags, talk to her. If she's close enough that you want her in your BP, then you should be able to talk to her. And if you are only including her because you don't want her to be left out, maybe she picks up on that vibe and will be relieved.

Kathy116 Posted: May 19, 2003 05:03 PM

Re: Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

Thanks ladies! I'll talk to her and give her one more chance with the measurements.

THis is so stupid! Why can't people be normal?

Shamee Posted: May 19, 2003 05:03 PM

Re: Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

Definitely her behavior will only become increasingly worse as the day approaches. I would cut her loose and deal with the fallout. Why should you be aggravated with her c.r.a.p?

MrsTC Posted: May 19, 2003 05:04 PM

Re: Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

Exactly, talk to her...she might be relieved but is afraid to bail on you. If she eloped she is obviously not a big fan of formal weddings!

kmcwed Posted: May 19, 2003 05:05 PM

Re: Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

Take it from someone who knows from experience, her nastiness WILL get worse, especially if it is stemming from jealousy.

All you need is one BM who is a jealous b*tch, and it can really send your whole wedding experience into the trash. It also makes life miserable for the rest of your BP.

She will drag her heels, not show up for appointments, give you an attitude, and generally have a miserable puss on her face for most of the time.

She will disappoint you, and make you feel bad over and over again. Hasn't she already done this more than once? The measurements, now the nasty comments? It will continue.

So you need to ask yourself if you want to have a bridal party made up of people that USED to be good friends, or do you want a bridal party made up of people who ARE good friends. If she ends up sitting on the sidelines, it is because of her OWN actions. If I was in your shoes, having gone through my own experience with this, I'd graciously as possible UN-invite her from my BP.

Or at the very least, I would have a heart-to-heart talk with her about her behavior and how it is hurting you. If she is a true and worthy friend, she'll be open to discussion and try to work on it with you.

Good luck with it! I hope it al works out for you.

Kathy116 Posted: May 19, 2003 05:06 PM

Re: Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

I need a set of balls!

My FI says I'm being too considerate of everyone else's feelings and not my own.

Ugghhh! I'll be fine, it just stinks when someone you thought was a friend is acting this way.

Kathy116 Posted: May 19, 2003 05:11 PM

Re: Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

How do you Un-Invite someone???

'Sorry but it would be best if you were no longer in the bridal party.' Like that???

You're right, maybe she doesn't want to even be in it (when I asked her I stressed that it's totally fine if she doesn't want to be in the bridal party because of all the things they are involved with, and that just having her at the wedding would be wonderful! But I did make it clear that she was definately wanted in the BP)

She wanted a huge wedding, but ended up eloping for some veterans benefit re: the purchase of her home (hubby is a veteran).

There's definately jealousy, always has been with her, but I thought she would've changed or that it wouldn't appear for this event.

kmcwed Posted: May 19, 2003 05:11 PM

Re: Same BM who wont' give measurements is saying some really snotty things!

I tolerated this behavior (and worse) from someone who was supposed to be my best friend. I kept considering her feelings before my own, and was disappointed by her over and over again. Basically it cast a black cloud over my whole planning process.

Finally, it all came to a stop when SHE got freaked out enough by the approaching wedding and her own jealousies and threw a hissy fit and withdrew from the party only three months before the wedding.

So what did I get for all my being considerate and trying to be a good, understanding friend? A slap in the face. Be careful.

A wedding will bring out the jealousy (and any other underlying emotions) in a friendship more than anything else in life! I've said it many times, and have also seen it in other people's posts, between the time you are engaged and the day you are married, you will find out who your true friends are.