Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant

How do you have save the dates but also have a b list ? Is this possible?

I know I'm way behind with getting my guest list done but I've kind of been dreading it. My budget is for 150 guests. My mom and I did our list of family and wedding party and our half was at about 45 or so , leaving room for friends. My FMIL has yet to give me her list- to be fair I didn't give her a limit I just wanted to see what her number would be and we would trim it because I figured how bad would it be..I thought she would be at 50-60. but I happened to see it the other day when I was over and she wasn't done with it yet and the total was over 84 ...I was planning on putting FH 's friends who are in the bridal party and the dates on to their half of the list. I don't know if she thinks we are just going to give her more than half of our spots but I don't want to pay for my FH 's grandmas nine best friends. I explained to FH the importance of a budget and he thought that if we went cheaper with other things more guests could be invited but what he doesn't get is that more people means more tables more center pieces more favors etc it all snowballs.

I hate guests lists I'm completely stressing about mine. My FMIL and i get along like friends but I'm worried about the drama. Ughhh

Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant - Long Island Weddings

I feel ya, I'm in a similar boat except with my parents who insist on inviting people that I don't care for and/or ppl we haven't seen/spoken to in years. I don't care if they're family or not, if I barely know you you don't get an invite just because. I'm paying for the entire wedding without help EXCEPT for the guests that my parents INSIST on inviting which they are paying before because I also have a tight budget to stick to.

Is it possible to work out something similar with your future in laws?

Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant - Long Island Weddings

the guest list was really stressful for me too and I'm still going back & forth with it (I'm supposed to be ordering invites this month) hang in there and decide what you and FH want to do together. everything will work out!

Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant - Long Island Weddings

Who is paying for your wedding? If you are paying, you have every right to make the final decision on the guest list. But remember, family is forever, friends may come and go.

If the in laws aren't contributing at this point, I'd tell them they have a certain amount of spots, and anything more than that, they have to pay for.

Re: Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant

Well my parents are paying for the wedding mostly. At first my FMIL had said FFIL and I going to pay for flowers but yesterday I texted her and said hey we should go look at flowers together soon and she said we will give you guys money towards that and the honeymoon so now I don't know what she is doing.


Ahhh it's so annoying like i know in the end it'll work out but I hate the guest list stuff.

I'm hoping that maybe some of the people like alot on her list are obligatory send an invite to them but they won't come.

Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant - Long Island Weddings

As far as save the dates go, not everybody has to receive them. We have a B list too but only the A list people will get save the dates. That way everyone with a STD will get an invitation.

Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant - Long Island Weddings

I completely understand what you are going through! My FMIL flipped when we told her we were having a small wedding and she couldn't invite all of her friends. The guest list is stressing me out as well. I would have your inlaws make their own A & B list. That's what I told FH to tell his parents. The MUST haves and the if we have room list. I'm stressing myself out waiting for this list.

We plan on sending out our invites a little earlier this way when we invite the extra B list people, it looks like they were sent on time.

Re: Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant

How much earlier are you sending out your invites? Are you making your RSVP date earlier then?

Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant - Long Island Weddings

I didn't send out save the dates to everyone we are inviting just people we know 100% we are inviting. I sent them out in December.

As for my wedding invitations I just ordered them and she laid out the dates for me. She told me to mail them out at the end of June and make my RSVP date the end of July. She said that gives us time to chase people down that don't answer. (My wedding is August 22nd)

Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant - Long Island Weddings

I would only send save the dates to your A list, not your B list. Because if you don't send them an invite, they could be upset that they didn't get one since they got a save the date... from personal experience, it's better to send less save the dates- I sent a few out to people who we know kinda didn't want to invite but had to because we sent a save the date =/ so less is more lol

Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant - Long Island Weddings

You should tell FMIL that if she wants to invite more than 45 people she needs to pay for it, I bet you she quickly cuts her list. Just explain the budget your parents gave you and if she wants to go over she can at her own cost

Re: Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant

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Posted by Futuremrskennedy

How much earlier are you sending out your invites? Are you making your RSVP date earlier then?

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I'm probably going to send out invites at the end of July (about 2 weeks earlier, maybe a little more depending on the list my FMIL gives me, haha)The lady at the invitation shop I went to look at recommended I do this and to keep the RSVP date I planned on. I've seen a lot of people send the invites like 2.5 months in advance. There are always going to be people who wait till the last minute to send them back, but I'm hoping I'll just have a better idea by doing things this way.

Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant - Long Island Weddings

I am going to send my save the dates to the same people I invite. Hopefully the people you send invites to won't say no so it won't be possible for a Z List :). Invited 165 initially then I am sure you will make your 150.

Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant - Long Island Weddings

Update

So FMIL hands me her list which had about 73 people on there but she made it a point to tell me how she wanted to invite eight other people but she didn't because she knew it would be too much. I just said well you can add them to a b list if you'd like and if we have room we will invite them for sure.

My FH and I met in grad school with a small class so we have many classmates where if we invite one we have to invite the whole friend group so that makes it hard. Also there's a few friends from my college I wanted to have so there's quite a few people that I don't know what to do with. I know a few of my college friends would be angry if they didn't get invited and I don't want that drama. Anythoughts ?

Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant - Long Island Weddings

Double post

Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant - Long Island Weddings

My FILs invited over 100 people. Luckily my dad's paying for a my wedding so he stood up to them and they offered to pay for their guest list. Good luck. It was definitely the most stressful part for me so far. I had a B list but I never even had a chance to invite them. I had over 40 people who didn't meet my RSVP date this past weekend. My dad said to just count most of them as no's. I would've loved to invite some other people if I knew that many people were going to say no. I hope you have better luck!

Save the dates and possible b list ..and guest list rant - Long Island Weddings

I didn't have a B list but when I sent STDs there were some people who we weren't positive we were inviting because of budget so we just sent to the people we were 100% inviting. In the end it worked out & should have sent to all our guests because we ended up inviting everyone anyway