Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

nrvbrd Posted: Mar 09, 2004 01:43 PM

Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

Growing up- I would get introduced to a couple as this is John and his wife Jane, well come to find out years later this was not the case. These couples were not married at all. I rationalized it that since I was a child it was more appropriate to present them in that manner.

Now as an adult I still see this going on. More so, woman saying this is my husband and they are clearly not married or engaged. There are a few men as well using this term.

I guess my question is why? I notice that the age of the couples are late 30's early 40's. Is it because girlfriend or boyfriend is considered a more youthful term.

I am not saying I have a huge problem with it, just want to know WHY????

shamma Posted: Mar 09, 2004 01:46 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

They feel bad that at their age they are shacking up, what other reason could it be, yup, I know people, sorry women who wear rings and say its my husband, but there has never been any official marriage. Who knows. I know one girl here who hid that she was pregnant b/c she was not married, she told the man he had to marry her before she started showing.

gaby25 Posted: Mar 09, 2004 01:51 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

OMG, I know so many people like this!!!! Honestly, I thought it was just Latinos who did this cause they wanted to hide appearances!!!!!! In my family, it is either the parents who introduce their pregnant daughters boyfriend as her 'husband' and so on. Now, everyone knows they are not married so why lie? They should just say this is her boyfriend and thats that!!!! As long as he is taking care of his responsibilities and are happy living together, who cares what anyone has to say?

violet Posted: Mar 09, 2004 02:00 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

I remember I had a friend when I was younger, and she would call her brother's girlfriend her sister-in-law and other things like that. Like no one was even married, yet they were called in-laws already.

wc0143 Posted: Mar 09, 2004 02:01 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

FH does it a lot when he is making phone calls - refers to me as his wife.

sonia Posted: Mar 09, 2004 02:02 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

that's so weird! i've never heard of that.

wc0143 Posted: Mar 09, 2004 02:03 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

Posted by violet

I remember I had a friend when I was younger, and she would call her brother's girlfriend her sister-in-law and other things like that. Like no one was even married, yet they were called in-laws already.

That's funny cause I call all my future in-laws, my FUTURE this & that!! Cause I feel weird referring to them as my inlaws since they aren't yet!

Three of FH's nieces & nephew call me 'Almost Aunt Wendy'.

violet Posted: Mar 09, 2004 02:13 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

I don't think it's weird to call them in-laws if you're engaged because you're almost there really. But if you're not, then it's just like, ok you're counting your eggs before they hatch.

ChristineC68 Posted: Mar 09, 2004 02:14 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

One of DH's aunts has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for 15+ years which is longer then any of her three other marraiges lasted (probably combined).

I can see where saying DH or DW is easier to explain the relationship/situation that is no one's business.

NYCHICK Posted: Mar 09, 2004 02:18 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

That is prevalent in my country...I suppose that marriage is not really seen as anything special. i know growing up myself I never thought I would get married. I just think most people see it as a piece of paper and does not say how much they are committed to each other...

xjulietx Posted: Mar 09, 2004 02:39 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

The ESL students I teach do the same thing. I guess if you have been with someone for 30 years and you have 5 kids, what do you call her? The parent of your children?

TrayLu47 Posted: Mar 09, 2004 02:39 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

Shamma is right! Usually the woman (rarely the man) feels bad that they are shacking up. I've alse been seeing women who I know are not married, buy diamond (or CZ) rings and wear them on their ring finger.

Over the last several years or maybe even longer, I've see lots of women who plan weddings even before they are engaged; I've seen women buy dresses even before they have a man and the worst I've heard is women asking men to get them pregnant and they won't have to be accountable for the child WTH!! These are some of the issues with people that is causing so much pain. I also have never understood how people would be more open to having a child out of wedlock. This girl I used to work with said she'd have a baby for her boyfriend, but she would NEVER Marry him! That one left me scratching my head! I mean things happen, and i'm not judging anyone, but when you CONSCIOUSLY do things like that, it's so confusing! Then later on, the woman gets angry and have him and the child all over the court system and the child suffers. It's such an ugly cycle!

nrvbrd Posted: Mar 09, 2004 02:45 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

Posted by TrayLu47

Shamma is right! Usually the woman (rarely the man) feels bad that they are shacking up. I've alse been seeing women who I know are not married, buy diamond (or CZ) rings and wear them on their ring finger.

Over the last several years or maybe even longer, I've see lots of women who plan weddings even before they are engaged; I've seen women buy dresses even before they have a man and the worst I've heard is women asking men to get them pregnant and they won't have to be accountable for the child WTH!! These are some of the issues with people that is causing so much pain. I also have never understood how people would be more open to having a child out of wedlock. This girl I used to work with said she'd have a baby for her boyfriend, but she would NEVER Marry him! That one left me scratching my head! I mean things happen, and i'm not judging anyone, but when you CONSCIOUSLY do things like that, it's so confusing! Then later on, the woman gets angry and have him and the child all over the court system and the child suffers. It's such an ugly cycle!

Tray- you must be talking about one of my friends- who got pregnant because she thought the guy would make a good father, well needless to say he wants nothing to do with either her or the baby.

cocoa Posted: Mar 09, 2004 03:04 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

i can't wait to call him my husband...it sounds nice. and i will say it on the phone so that a caller who is trying to sell me something won't take advantage of me. but otherwise, no, we don't say it yet.

MrsTC Posted: Mar 09, 2004 04:05 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

my FIL has been living with his girlfriend for 21 years. They are not married and he calls her his wife and vice versa. For my bridal shower, she even wrote her name as her name with my FILs name added on.

Annoys me - just get married already!

ETA : My DH never knows what to call her - for simplicity reasons, he just calls her his stepmother!

michele31 Posted: Mar 09, 2004 04:25 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

My own brother does this stupid thing. He refused to marry his girlfriend even though they have a child together and he solely supports them both. They live together yet he will NOT get married. And it is just sad, because she wants to get married so badly. I have told her to leave and tell him that she isn't good enough to be his 'real' wife then she will move on but that would mean she needs a job so she stays!

But he gets her cards that say 'wife' etc...she never does that back though. it is totally sad and pathetic.

butterfly20 Posted: Mar 09, 2004 04:31 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

ive never heard of that..

i could see if your engaged calling your fh's brother your brother, but to say husband when they are just a boyfriend sounds weird....
unless the couples been going out many years and has no desire to get married, but to remain faithful as if they were..

Sage10.03 Posted: Mar 09, 2004 04:50 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

Posted by butterfly20

ive never heard of that..

me either....but this thread proves it happens....weird!

halloweenbride04 Posted: Mar 09, 2004 04:50 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

FH called me his wife before we were engeged when he was on the phone with my Dr's office after a surgery I had. He felt they'd cooperate more then if he was just my BF...it was the only time he's done it but I liked hearing it I haven't referred to him as my husband yet, but I can't wait to.

kptoys Posted: Mar 09, 2004 05:11 PM

Re: Saying My Husband or My Wife when it is not the case

I call FH my hubby when there is someone on the phone who I need to talk to who has no idea about our life or if we are someplace where people assume that we are married... why bother correcting them. Other than that he is my fiancee and yes, we have a child together.