Sending Gift for Eloping and FMIL

I havent posted in a while....the planning has calmed down some and school got really busy...but there is this one thing that I needed your girls opinion on. Kinda long story.

So 2 years ago my fiance and I got engaged and a few months later had an engagement pary. My family all lives on LI however my FI family lives all over the US. My FMIL insisted that I dont send any of them an invitation to the engagement so they dont feel obligated to send a gift. So fine...I complied.

So now my shower in coming up in a few months and I think she is going to say that it is not right to invite her side because they wont be able to come. What doyou think? Also just recently my FI cousin eloped and sent out a notice (with there adress on it) and his mother insisted we send them a gift for ELOPING!!! Dont you think that is the same if not WORSE than inviting someone to an actual party.

I know you girls will know best.

Thanks


edited for spelling

When I did my sister's shower, I sent everyone an invite. You'd be surpirsed that people will still send gift even if they arent coming, why deprive yourself.

Whats the worse that can happend they dont get you a gift? I am having my MOH send shower invites to everyone close person I am inviting to the wedding, even if the are from OOT!!

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Posted by smara

When I did my sister's shower, I sent everyone an invite. You'd be surpirsed that people will still send gift even if they arent coming, why deprive yourself.

Whats the worse that can happend they dont get you a gift? I am having my MOH send shower invites to everyone close person I am inviting to the wedding, even if the are from OOT!!

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I agree. Will she not invite them to the wedding because they live out of state???

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Posted by soon2bmrsdunn

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Posted by smara

When I did my sister's shower, I sent everyone an invite. You'd be surpirsed that people will still send gift even if they arent coming, why deprive yourself.

Whats the worse that can happend they dont get you a gift? I am having my MOH send shower invites to everyone close person I am inviting to the wedding, even if the are from OOT!!

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I agree. Will she not invite them to the wedding because they live out of state???

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This is what I am saying...

So what do I say to her if she says I shouldnt invite any of her family to my shower? and the other thing is my FI has been married before (almost 10 years ago) so I feel like that matters...But does it?

I feel the people making your shower should invite the following people on your DFs side to your shower:
his mom
grandmothers/greatgrandmothers
his parents female siblings/wives
his aunts
you could extend that to include their female children
and your DFs female friends that you are close with also,
but basically that is it

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Posted by dianadrw

I think you should let the out of state family members decide whether or not they will make the trip. I'd be more offended if I wasn't invited and found out that someone assumed that I would be unwilling to make the trip.

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actually that is perfect advice

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Posted by lrs2005

I feel the people making your shower should invite the following people on your DFs side to your shower:
his mom
grandmothers/greatgrandmothers
his parents female siblings/wives
his aunts
you could extend that to include their female children
and your DFs female friends that you are close with also,
but basically that is it

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I agree. I don't think you need to go overboard in inviting a ton of people from your FI's family, especially if you don't know them. I don't think your decision on whether or not to send an invitation should depend on your FMIL's belief that that they might not come.

I think this is a great list....but I want you to understand that these are the people she doesnt want to invite...her siblings and mother not distand cousins 10 times removed. I agree that these people should be invited and if she gives me a problem then I am giong to insist they are invited. Not to mention my mother is throughing the shower and it would look bad on her if she didnt invite my FI aunt and grandmother!!!!!!!

Thanks girls..any more opinons?

Thanks I guess this is the beginning of the MIL drama. Sorry for the vent...lately she hs been coming full force with all her MIL gripes...I could go on forever.

Thanks for listening

i think you should send an invite anyway, whats the worst that can happen?

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Posted by dianadrw

I think you should let the out of state family members decide whether or not they will make the trip. I'd be more offended if I wasn't invited and found out that someone assumed that I would be unwilling to make the trip.

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I agree. I understood her reasoning for the e-party. But you're inviting them to the wedding aren't you? If yes, then they should be invited to the shower. They might come, some OOTers may see it as a chance to get to know you before the wedding.

I think you should invite people to the shower regardless of where they live. let them decide if they can make it.

re: the gift for eloping. I would send something. probably money.

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Posted by PrincessRose

Personally, I think inviting OOT people is fishing for gifts. We didn't invite anyone from DH's family anyway (aside from MIL and her mother), because I don't really know any of those people, and my family and BMs (who threw the shower) didn't think it made sense to invite people I'd never met to the shower.

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Interesting. I thought it was etiquet to invite all the woman from the wedding to the shower...maybe I was wrong. OK so let me ask you this....where does OOT start...Jersey...Virginia? I mean where doyou draw the line? This is what confuses me about my FMIL arguement. And then does that mean I exclude the one aunt I have OOT...she might not be able to come...but then am I 'fishing for gifts' from her too or is it just his family. I guess I just feel like 1. who and I to decide if people would come or not and 2. why should my family feel 'obligated' to send gifts and not his? If people dont want to send a gift they shouldnt.

Sorry Vent JMO

Invite any one you want to come and let them decide whether or not they want to come.

It might seem like fishing for gifts to some, but I bet other people could feel slighted because they were not invited.

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Posted by dianadrw

I think you should let the out of state family members decide whether or not they will make the trip. I'd be more offended if I wasn't invited and found out that someone assumed that I would be unwilling to make the trip.

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Very True